I am a 42 year old mum to 3 children and an awful history of picking terrible men to marry.
I split from my partner (unmarried) last year, we have a 3 year old together. He has refused to move out of our council house and the council are not being supportive, it has left me in a situation whereby I need to move out but cannot do so for my 15 year old sons sake as he is sitting his GCSEs this year.
ExP works full time and barely sees his daughter, even at weekends he is too busy living the single life playing golf etc to be at home, he uses recreational drugs and the majority of his wages (£1,700 a month after tax as far as i am aware) I assume goes on this, I am given £300 a month to buy food for all of us and he pays the rent of £539 a month. I get universal credit as I am unable to work due to a disability The majority of the UC goes on Bill's and the rest goes on the children's needs (clothes, shoes, school dinners etc). We moved in together in February 2021 and split in November 2021, we are not compatible to live together and his habits are not suitable to have my/our children/child around. He is secretive with money and what he does with his time, he leaves an hour early for work every day (its 5 minutes away), he forgets everything, barely does anything at home at all and is very unsupportive emotionally and physically only providing the minimum money he feels is nessersary for myself and the children, he also doesn't seem to have any capacity to recognise the issues at home, and even important conversations about our daughter are responded to with "oh right", that's the end of any discussion as honestly he isn't listening so there's very little point. Despite being discussed that we are separated, he still comes and climbs into bed naked every night (I sleep with clothes on and have recently taken to sleeping in with my girls rather than the main bedroom), last week he told me he "thought everything was now fine between us and the signs he was reading gave him this impression" I am completely confused, I purposely give him space, don't ask for anything anymore, don't sleep in with him, spend no time with him other than when our paths cross in the morning and evening before going to bed and just after getting up.
I told him once my son has finished his GCSEs I would be moving out with the children as I have been waiting for him to find a place to live and he hasn't even bothered looking because he says this is his house. Being council I know once I notify them I have left with the children they will ask him to move out as he will not require a 3 bedroom house, and being me I am worried they will make him homeless, but I will need to notify them so that I am no longer liable for rent and bills at the address.
I will be moving around 2 and a half hours away, back to my support network that I moved away from to be with him, I have noone in the area we are in. I suffer from anxiety and regular bouts of depression and severe Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome so I need a support network.
He doesn't drive, and keeps putting off doing his test because he is "too busy" and has "no money".
Our 3 year old keeps asking to go and live in our other house (it's my dad's house), where she has her own bedroom, friends, a safe garden and the local school has agreed to accept her into reception next September if we can evidence living in the village. There are dentists available in that area and doctors, something I have struggled to get in our current area. Our daughter will have a better life and support around her and my other children will be able to attend colleges and gain employment...
I have no idea how to move without him confronting me, he gets very angry when things are not going his way, and lacks any understanding of what is going on (I am sure he is suffering some form of dementia at 40 years old???!) I will not place any of my children in harms way and he shows no compassion or caring for my other 2 children since living together.
I am simply trapped! Everything in the house bar a few items I have built up over 25 years.
Do I book a removals company for July and just go? I have tried thinking of every other possible le way out, I just want my children to have the best and for my sanity I need to leave.
Am I the A*hole? Am I doing wrong? What do I do.... solicitors are no help, they all want money and I have non.