Shared care

[BristolBloke74]

I will be having my kids an average of 3 days a week, picking them up from school and dropping them off when I have them during the week, then the same for the weekend. Collect from school on Friday, dropping back at school on Monday.

I'll be feeding them and providing for their needs when they stay at my house. Providing clothes, laundry needs etc, and anything else they need whilst they are with me.

My Ex will also be doing the same but for 4 days a week. So for 3 days a week we are both providing the same care.

Do I just pay towards the extra day they will stay with Ex, as she doesnt contribute towards my costs when they are with me.

Just after some clarity as I'm providing more than just an overnight stay.

There's a child maintenance calculator online you can use for guidance if its not through cms? It's based on a percentage of your income and how many "nights" (not days) you have the kids.

I've looked at that, but for 3 days it states I need to pay £300, but my 3 days are the same a the Ex so do they cancel each other out? Seems a lot to pay for just one extra day. Especially as if it was 50/50 equal care neither parent would need to pay maintenance.

The calculator doesnt take into account shared care and responsibilities. Why am I not entitled to maintenance for the 3 days I have them if I'm providing the same level of care?

Idk if you look at it like

300 ÷ by your number of children (let's say 2) 150
Then 150÷ by number of days in the month more sonon average 4 that's 37.5 a day exta
So take into account extra food electricity and other amenities the kids will need and is it that.much?

Who will pay for new clothes shoes etc?

If you and x are amicable why not ask her what she feels is a sensible amount.

I think the cost calculator is rather a blunt instrument - particularly when time is approaching 50/50. Maybe you would be better to genuinely do 50/50 and switch the 4th day?

When you think about it though 300 a month for 4 days is £75 a day, you say kids so assuming at least 2 so £37.50 each... breakfast/after school club here would cost £30 per child and that doesn't account for holiday cover which is upwards of £50 a day. So whilst I see where you are coming from costs quickly add up.

But we both provide exactly the same level of care equally for 3 days. School runs, meals, I'll have their own clothes at mine. It's just the one day a week difference. It should work that the 3 days each cancel each other out? I'll have the same expenses for these 3 days as my Ex.

Other costs such as holiday clubs when needed will be shared.

I know bringing up kids is expensive but it should also be fair.

The one day a week difference means you still have to pay maintainence.

This is one of the reasons that couples fight like cats and dogs for one extra day every fortnight because that triggers CMS payments. The calculation does taper but not that much and not enough to reflect each persons contribution.

The system is bonkers, totally unfair on parents providing 3 nights care a week and more to the point not fair on the kids.

Suggest you change your plans so you have equal #nights per year.

It's farcical, and even contradicts itself.

There's an option on the calculator which basically takes you upto 175+ days, so you could hit 50/50 and still be required to pay maintenance. Yet in their guide, it states where 50/50 equal care is shared, neither had to pay maintenance! So this should be a sliding scale.

I can understand if for example the kids were being dropped over to my house after school and after they've been fed... But when I'd be doing EXACTLY the same, aren't I entitled to the same maintenance payments? Is the food I have to buy, the heating etc any less expensive?

So 3 days each, equal care, should cancel out any maintenance. If I have to pay Ex for 4 days, then shouldn't she have to pay me for 3? Simple mathematics!

You are not paying her for 4 days. You are paying her for 1 each week.

4 days each month. Roughly

Again as said earlier speak to her communicate.

Really?? So 2 kids cost £300 for 4 days a month.. wow!

I think youll find it doesnt work like that as if you put in the calc that you never have the kids, the total is about £500 a month, so over 30 days its approx £16.60 for 2 kids, so £8.30 a day each.

So yes, I am paying he for 4 days a week!

I simply wanted to use this as an example to highlight the unfairness of the calculator especially when care is being shared rather than just providing a sleepover.

You are right but no point aggressively defending yourself to people on here who are just explaining how the system claims it works. I think it's an open secret that it doesn't really work.

Yeah, it's def frustrating especially when I'm not trying to sherk my duties but just want it to be fair for everyone.

I think the assumption is probably that the parent who has the children most will cover most expenses e.g new shoes, hair cuts, clothes etc. Clearly the calculator is a blunt instrument and apart from anything else it doesn’t take into account how much the children actually cost.

I have my children every night with my ex having one of them for a few hours during the day a couple of times a week.

Ex pays a lot of maintenance but the agreement is that I cover 100% of childcare, clothes, toys etc. The only thing he pays for is food or activities in the time he’s with them.

Maybe agree some costs which your ex will cover given that she’s receiving maintenance.

Have you talked to your ex about the situation?

for example if you earn much more money than her then maybe it is fair that you pay her something

also some parents try to have their kids as much as possible so they don’t have to pay maintenance which is sad

Yea it does - you need to add in the number of nights they're at yours, that reduces the amount you have to pay.

The calculator is a very blunt instrument and penalises high-earning NRPs who have their children just less than 50% - my husband used to have to pay almost £700 a month to his ex for their two children even though he had them almost half the time and she earned almost as much as him and the children had a similar standard of living in both homes without maintenance.

You have a few options:

1. Talk to your ex and see if she will agree to a private arrangement in which you pay less;
2. If she insists on CMS, pay for childcare and clubs on your time, but don't pay for anything else;
3. Go for 50/50 care;
4. Find ways to reduce your income if you can manage (e.g. if you have a spouse or family who can support you) - go part-time, become self-employed and set up a limited company, pay lots into your pension... there are options.

Can't you sit down with your ex and come to an arrangement. What is fair does depend somewhat on your income compared to hers