Hi everyone,
It's been a long time since I was last on here but I don't know quite what to do at the moment. I feel like I'm trying to keep my head above water but I'm starting to go under.
I have three boys aged 14, 11 & 9. My eldest has ASD and my youngest has ADHD. I'm also a single parent with no family and dad not around at all. It's really hard work but then I'm sure you all get that.
I've always tried to do my best with the boys, give them the things I never had, take them places and enjoy life. In fact I'm realising now that I might have said "yes" too much. Mostly because it made life easier for me. I have no real breaks and sometimes saying yes is simply to save my sanity.
Life has become more complicated recently. The cost of everything has gone up. My rent is increasing by a crazy amount. I'm constantly short of money, worse that I've ever been before.
To make matters worse, my health has declined and I'm undergoing tests for MS. This past 10 days, I've been exhausted and unable to do much of anything. My legs feel like they're going to give way under me.
I've tried to explain the illness to them and that I need help around the house. The help doesn't really come. I tell them again and still nothing much happens. I don't have the energy to argue and I'm filled with guilt about asking them to tidy when I'm just sitting there.
My teenager used to be really good with helping but he's gone totally backwards with that kind of thing. My youngest can't seem to do anything for more than two minutes.
Then they're asking me to take them out. They're bored and they want to make the most of the holidays because they all hate school. I've tried telling them that if they help around the house, I can save up my energy to do that kind of thing but nothing happens.
They look to me to solve everything. I know they all have their own issues and are dealing with so much too. I want to help but I just don't know at this point how I can do everything. It's pretty terrifying and I'm in a low place because I can't see a way forward.