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Lone parents

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Original poster

Scared i will be alone forever

28 replies

allgonebellyup · 26/01/2008 13:55

Split from dh in april, he is with someone else now. i have a ds with him and a dd from my previous relationship.
im nearly 29 and just about realising that theres a good chance i will be on my own forever.

I do get blokes attracted to me when i go out, but they dont know i have kids. And i am so so fussy about the type of men i fancy, they have to be a certain type and v good looking, as well as kind and funny. i just know its never going to happen for me again, i truly dont believe i will find someone as sweet as my ex dh.
There just doesnt seem to be anyone about, even when im really busy and not even looking.
All i can see is years and years of loneliness stretching out before me..

Sorry that was full of self pity.

OP posts:
posieflump · 26/01/2008 13:57

I know some people hate the idea but Internet dating has worked for quite a few of my friends. If you are really serious about wanting someone you have to look in the right places.
But it isn't that long since you split with your ex so don't rush into anything

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 26/01/2008 13:59

Have tried internet dating, met up with 3 different blokes, all wrong for me, well i fancied the pants off one of them but he made it clear he wanted sex and nothing else..

i give up, maybe i am just meant to be alone?

OP posts:
singledadofthree · 26/01/2008 17:09

oh 29 - you old git!

i'm...erm...40...well 41 now and have been on my own with the kids since you left school. so i do understand how you feel to be scared of being alone [need a smiley with a sarcastic piss takery look]

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 26/01/2008 20:18

maybe we should go out with each other? lol

OP posts:
Karen999 · 26/01/2008 20:42

I would suggest that you try and fall in love with yourself...you sound like you need a little confidence boost!! Enjoy your kids and perhaps even try and take up a hobby...

FWIW your standards seem really high!! Nothing wrong with that but you may be discounting men without even giving them a chance iyswim....looks are nice but not everything...having someone who will treat you with respect and is considerate is more important in the long run....

miarosemum · 26/01/2008 20:49

allgonebellyup i feel like that alot too sometimes, i have joined 'plentyoffish'! seems quite safe site to join and genuine people AND lone parents like us on there, even if you just make friendsx

singledadofthree · 26/01/2008 21:01

fall in love with yourself karen? thats got to be suspect - from a blokey point of view of course.

and go out together allgone? i'm just not funny enough

Karen999 · 26/01/2008 21:03

Blokes need to fall in love with themselves...they have wanking...

43Today · 26/01/2008 21:05

I'm 43 and split with my exH over 4 years ago.. there's no way you're on the shelf at your age! I've used the internet sensibly (not expecting to find the love of my life) and met several nice men, one of whom I went out with for over 3 years, and now am in a relationship with (hopefully) someone I will live with in the long run. I am SAHM though soon will be self-employed part time, and have 2 kids at primary school.

I have to second the idea that looks are not the best guide to a good partner. Far more important is kindness, honesty and a good sense of humour. It's important that he takes care of himself of course... and has a healthy interest in sex! Don't lose hope that you'll find a good man, but focus on yourself and your kids for a while and take the pressure off. When you feel stronger and more confident in yourself interesting relationships are more likely to come your way.

Please don't make yourself feel worse by convincing yourself that your lovelife is over before you're 30!

singledadofthree · 26/01/2008 21:05

eek - didnt know you were there...is that anything like 'man love'? caused a bit of bother on Top Gear recently. see - can even get a decent topic on here.

singledadofthree · 26/01/2008 21:06

damn - i mean Top Gear

43Today · 26/01/2008 21:07

Plus there is such a thing as a self-fulfilling prophecy.. the more you tell yourself that ex dh was the only one for you, the more you'll believe it and anyone else who comes along won't have a chance.

Aimsmum · 26/01/2008 21:10

Message withdrawn

jellibabe · 26/01/2008 22:43

God I love life since I have found this site first time I have laught for ages. Ruined my spelling of course.

bluejelly · 26/01/2008 22:47

29 is so young!
Seriously you have nothing to worry about!
It's early days since you broke up with your ex. Give yourself a chance to heal.
And keep being fussy- nothing worse than settling for something second best just because you don't want to be on your own.
That is sad!

AMAZINWOMAN · 27/01/2008 08:32

I also feel like this allgonebellyup, that I will be alone for ever. Been a single parent for a long time now, nearly a decade! and with no chance of me going out to meet people
the chances of me meeting someone are low.

the longer i am single though, the more used i am to being independent
men seem to like vulnerable women! but living so long alone with kids you cant be vulnerable

also the idea of a man coming into our home-me and the kids are very close now as we have been through some very tough times-we are a very close loving family. it takes a specail man to try and take on our package.
my kids are very protective of me too.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 27/01/2008 08:35

Looks are important to me, as shallow as it sounds, i just cant be attracted to someone who doesnt make my knees go weak, i have always been like this! my ex used to get asked to model a lot, he was stunning, and i just dont want to go down the road of going out with someone who is nice but theres no "phwooar". im not too bad looking myself! so please dont say i have set my standards too high, i would rather go without than have someone who can't make my stomach go all fluttery.

And before you say the passion dies soon enough, i still fancy my ex like mad,after 6yrs, (not his personality any more)and that is what has died in previous relationships pretty quickly if i just dont fancy them.
How can you have sex with someone you dont find attractive?????

OP posts:
Original poster
allgonebellyup · 27/01/2008 08:43

i think i am feeling pressured from my ex and a few people i know, if they havent seen me for a few weeks, all i get is "how is life? have you met anyone yet?"

me: "no, dont feel quite ready."

them: " oh you will, dont worry, someone will come along"

me: "gee, thanks for patronizing me"

My ex keeps asking when im going to get a new bloke, and i just feel so pressured! i am also lonely in the evenings, but i do think it will be a good couple of years before i feel ready actually.

OP posts:
Karen999 · 27/01/2008 10:05

Tbh I dont know why your ex is asking when you are going to get a new bloke....its none of his business! And its not like you have to have a bloke for your life to be worthwhile!! Tell him you are being extra choosy this time as you want to make sure you get it right!

I didnt mean that you had to go out with some one who you didnt fancy...all I mean is that (for me) fancying someone is about more than looks. Its about the way they make you feel..I know for some there has to be 'instant' attraction..

If looks is your thing then I am sure someone else will come along who will 'rock your boat'!!

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 27/01/2008 10:25

thanks for that

God, i hate sounding so shallow !

OP posts:
pirategirl · 27/01/2008 11:01

i am 39 and feel just the same.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 27/01/2008 11:10

i remember your ex being a model!

OP posts:
pirategirl · 27/01/2008 19:00

yes he was for a time, not a super hunk, more a kinda 'niche' type, indie type I guess.

it pains me to look at him sometimes as I still find him attractive. I just thought I was lucky to get him then!! Yet he turned out to be everything he used to hate in a person/man eventualy.

Its not shallow to want to be attracted to someone, yet i also find there are just not enough men here where i live, that are single full stop yet alone ones who float my boat!

lunavix · 27/01/2008 19:02

lol this will sound crazy but are you on facebook, if so then get the zoosk application lol it flirts with people in your area and it's amazing who it digs up lol. I've been feeling sorry for myself and I know have about 30 men messaging me constantly.. granted I'm not really interested in finding someone at the moment but attention does make you feel a little more confident

pirategirl · 27/01/2008 19:04

i just gave up the facebook for a while. Have been on plenty of fish site, but its just the same old faces in my area now!!!

i might investigate this then!!!