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Ex and medical app

10 replies

Cupofteaonesugar · 04/10/2022 12:43

I posted this on Ainu yesterday but didn't get that much of a response and was hoping to have a chat about this to put my mind at ease!

I have main custody of dc.
I have always taken him to his medical app, even when ex and I were together.
Ex sees dc but has been very unreliable recently and been cancelling ally.
Ex abused me emotionally after our split. He threatens to take children off me whenever I disagreed with him and tore me apart. We seem to have reached stable ground recently but mainly because I let him dictate to keep the peace.
Last time dc had a dentist app (which Was on my time) ex told me he wants advance notice about his appointments.
Dc has an app coming up so I told ex about it and he said he wants to take him. I told ex I would be present for the appointment but he is free to come. He's now saying he doesn't want to.
Ex has always accused me of exaggerating dc illnesses (which is ridiculous and not true).
I'm feeling like this is a control thing on his part. Why would you ask to take dc to the app on his own and I don't go? I would not trust ex taking dc to the app and addressing all concerns and giving me the correct information. I do not feel comfortable missing medical apps when o have always been there.
Aibu to say he can jointly attend but I will be there or is this controlling?

think ex likes his face to be seen so he can present himself as the doting dad who is very involved. He cares very much about the opinion others have of him.
I think he's trying to a) do this to look good b) push me out of the apppointments c) control

It might sound minor, but obviously there's a history to this. I just want to make sure I'm not being unreasonable by saying that he can come but I'll be there too when it comes to medical appointments.

OP posts:
satelliteheart · 04/10/2022 13:48

If you're the rp then you should absolutely be there. You can't be sure your ex would pass on all relevant info from the appointment and there may be information needed from you which he wouldn't know as he sees dc less. I think you're absolutely right to say ex can accompany you but he can't go without you, I don't think it would be in your child's best interests for you to miss the appointment

LIZS · 04/10/2022 13:55

Think you presented it wrong . You are taking dc to an appointment at x time on y date. He is welcome to also attend(assuming clinic allows 2 parents/carers) or you will update afterwards. If it is a routine appointment it does not need both anyway.

SpinningFloppa · 04/10/2022 14:01

Why do you tell him? My ex isn’t around but when he was i didn’t tell him about routine dentist/ drs app? Different if it was hospital or something

SpinningFloppa · 04/10/2022 14:03

also why book them on “his time” doesn’t sound like he sees your child much surely you can arrange them round his contact time

Justmeandme19 · 04/10/2022 14:07

I think you have done all you need to by inviting him to the appointment too. Don't not go yourself though, as this starts a presidence.
I never used to tell my ex about appointments, as he just made it about control etc. It became so so stressful. I used to wait till after the appointment and update him then.

User38899953 · 04/10/2022 14:15

Who's time is the appointment on.

Your time - just invite him along, if he turns up he turns up. Although it's pretty odd for two parents to attend a dentist appointment.

His time - I would just let him take DC on his own but book appointments on your time next time.

Cupofteaonesugar · 04/10/2022 17:19

I don't book them on his time.
The hospital appointments are pre booked but other then that I would always arrange when I can take them.
I tell him about any appointments because he asked me too and I would want him to tel me if he ever took them.

OP posts:
ploed · 04/10/2022 17:54

As resident parent arrange appts to suit you. Share details (in case dad wants to join you), but other than that don't engage.

You are sharing info, not inviting him to change any arrangements

Crunchingleaf · 05/10/2022 13:59

I get this drama too. Ex throws tantrum that I take DS to appointment that happens when I have him even though I keep him updated. I gave in a couple times and let him take him, he doesn’t have a bulls notion of what is going on with DS and pass on the information he was given.
As the RP if the communication is very poor then it’s best that you continue to go to the appointments and if he wants to tag along let him. If your DC has ongoing medical issues you need to keep track of what is happening and what the Doctors are saying.

WeeblesWibbleWobble · 09/10/2022 22:15

Some hospitals are still saying only 1 parent to attend. So you go. He can always request dcs medical records.
We did with dsc as his ex actually did exaggerate things

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