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Lone parents

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I'm so ashamed

28 replies

Ashamed82 · 28/09/2022 08:36

As the title says, I'm so ashamed and hate myself and who I am. I'm a lone parent of three lovely kids. They don't see their father at all, there is a no contact order in place due to domestic violence from their father (emotional abuse of them and physical towards me). This happened over the last 6 months of my marriage and was defined to that period, we were a very happy family up to that point.

I've spent 2 years on my own raising them and have no help from family (not geographically close) or friends (I feel too afraid to rely on anyone). I work in a difficult job with long hours and stress, which pays for my family life.

I'm becoming increasingly burnt out and resentful of my children. Im now at the point where I don't feel like a human being, let alone capable of emotionally supporting my children. I'm ashamed in general of my resentment towards them because they've done nothing wrong and didn't ask to be in this situation either. They're completely innocent and my spiralling anger towards the unfairness of circumstances is completely unfair and wrong.

I lost it this morning and it came pouring out. Something simple, my son not putting his breakfast dish in the dishwasher. I shouted at him, at all three of them, that I couldnt cope and need them to care for me too. I said that if I burned out there would be no one to look after them.

I cried all the way to school through their drop off and am still crying, though I need to be at work. I know how awful my actions were. It is emotional abuse. I know how awful my feelings are. I dont know what to do. What would you do?

OP posts:
rockbottombird · 09/10/2022 10:29

Just reading this I also can resonate with what you've written. I'm really cross that I now have the shame of being a single parent and the family life I thought I had is gone. No support, two children both diagnosed with autism and I'm running on empty and trying to hold it all together. I had no choice but to walk away, very controlling marriage in which he cheated several times and lived a double life in another country for many months whilst working away. None of which I caused, just a selfish man thinking of his dick over his family. I'm ashamed I'm that parent people pity, why me? Just typing this I've got tears in my eyes. I hate social media now, full of happy families in lovely homes and nice holidays. Family support is non existent.. in fact they don't even know I'm living with the boys in temporary accommodation praying things get better. 😔

Ashamed82 · 11/10/2022 08:29

@rockbottombird yes that sounds familiar. The only things that have kept me going are love for my beautiful children and rage at my ex and the unfairness of it vs his freedom to choose.

I needed that at the start to drive me as it was so exhausting and emotionally I was a wreck. It was fuel. It's coming time to let it go and just focus on the love side bcs it has set into bitterness. I want to let it go, but I cant imagine not hating him for hurting our children and me. I dont understand how to make peace with it, especially as I'm still forced to see him in his endless vexatious court motions. He has promised in court that he will never leave us alone seversl times. Aaaargh!

How do you feel about trust in new relationships? That must be a very hard thing to stomach re your ex.

OP posts:
Rosenotred · 03/11/2022 18:03

Can you reduce your hours down and claim CMS?

It's not emotional abuse you just reached the end of your tether OP.

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