How to decline an invitation w/o looking snotty.

[TheOrigRights]

I've been invited on a w/e away.

I am a single parent to a young teenager. I am able to leave him quite a bit, he can sort himself in the evening and take himself off to bed.

I have a family member I can ask to come and stay if I have to be away overnight for work.

But, I can't swan off on a w/e jolly. The person inviting me knows my situation and I guess it's a case of it inviting me just in case I can come rather than leaving me out. They are only at the choosing date stage so I can't say I'm not free on ALL the dates.

I've written a bunch of responses and they all look snotty - as if I'm making a point of not being able to do these things and a bit of a pity party. I don't want it to come across like that. This is my life and we're fine. I miss out on things, and of course it makes me feel isolated, but I don't want that to come across in my response.

I'm overthinking because it's my Birthday today and I think lone parents feel the isolation more acutely on such days.

Happy birthday.

why do you need advice. Just stop making the point and having rhe pity party.

sounds fab I’d love to come unfortunately child care prohibits but have a great time and looking forward to hearing all about it.x

It's my birthday today too!

Can't you just say - my child is too young to be left alone for a weekend.

Happy Birthday!

After you've said it a few times just stop responding. I wonder what they don't get?

Apparently today is the day a lot of people have their birthday, I read it somewhere this morning, as it's 9 months since Christmas.
Happy birthday to all of you

Happy Birthday

Sounds great, thank you for thinking of me and the invitation. Unfortunately I can't get childcare over the weekends. I hope you all have a brilliant time!

This

Happy birthday!

How about:
Thank you for the invitation - it sounds lovely, but I can’t really manage weekends away at the moment, as I need to save childcare favours for when I have work overnights. Really hope you have a lovely time and would be great to catch up with you soon <insert suggestion of a phone call / daytime coffee if appropriate >

Just say "Thanks for inviting me but I wouldn't leave (teenager) for a weekend. Hope you have a great time!"

Hello, sorry I won't be able to join you as not quite there yet with leaving DS alone for a whole weekend, but give it a couple of years and I'll be there with bells on! See you soon, TheOrig

Stop worrying about coming over as snotty, no need to overthink this.

Happy Birthday!

I think the person is being nice and inviting you so you don’t feel excluded and just in case there is some magic way you can come. I would see this as thoughtful rather than thoughtless.

I’d reply ‘This sounds so fun and thank you for thinking of me. It’s tricky to find someone to look after DS for the whole weekend but I can’t wait to hear about the trip. Let’s have a night out/drink/coffee soon. X

Happy birthday

Just take the pity elements out and keep the response factual, a thank you for the invite, really appreciate it, but I cannot make it.

The replies suggested all sound great
If you are still worried why not add “but I’d love to catch up with you for a takeaway at my place. How’s next Wednesday?” Or similar suggestion for whatever suits you

Happy birthday OP 🎈
I think this is a really great reply from @Talipesmum

Happy Birthday.

I would say, 'Thanks for the invitation and for thinking of me. I'd love to come but at this stage don't feel comfortable leaving X on his own at his age. In a couple of years' time though, count me in!'

I think that's honest without sounding self-pitying and it sounds keen.

Thanks all. I think I will reply later, when I'm not feeling so tearful.

Yeah...I know how my Ma and Pa celebrated Xmas! One of my sister's has a Birthday in a few days too.

Happy Birthday!🍰🍹😀

Who is the family member who will take your child overnight? Does this person and your child enjoy each other's company? Why can't they stay with them for one weekend seeing as it's not a regular occurrence?

Maybe you could actually ask for this favour and, if you have a bit of spare cash, give that to the relative so they can order food, take them somehwere, etc. (in effect make life a little easier when taking care of them).

Do you think you can't possibly ask this relative because you feel they do you too many favours? If your DC is a young teen, I'm sure they well be fine without you for a weekend, especially if it's not regular. How far away is the trip.

Apologies if going away is certainly out of the question, but if it's a case of you not wanting to ask "another favour" and/or worrying about your child missing you, I'm sure neither will be that bad (unless there's more to it) and just ask for the favour and enjoy the weekend away.