Court Order C100

[MelissaC83]

Hi! I applied online for a c100 child arrangement order yesterday requesting that my children have no contact with their father anymore.
Has anyone else done this and what happened?
I was with their dad for 10 years and it was a financially and emotionally controlling, coercive and physically abusive relationship that I finally got the strength and courage to end 2 years ago and I never looked back.
I have always been keen for my kids to continue to see him if they wanted to but he's not the most reliable person and he is extremely selfish so the kids don't come first. He does.
He's never been physically abusive with the kids but they have been noticeably affected by his actions and his behaviour.
The police have been involved many times over the years and his last act of physical aggression towards me was in June when he got mad at me for not packing one of the kids hoodies in their overnight bag and he was shouting at me in front of them. Calling me names like C*NT, swearing at me and then he kicked the back garden gate in so hard it came off the hinges. It scared the kids and they ran indoors crying and hid in their room.
They have continued to see him but I have noticed a gradual yet increasingly worsening affect specifically with my 6 year old son. He's always been over emotional and he doesn't know how to process his emotions.
He's shown signs of his dad's emotional abuse for a while and I'm seeking help from my GP who's referring him to child mental health services for assessment.
I thought about it carefully and decided the best thing was to cut all contact with my ex.
My 7 year old daughter still flinches when someone comes too close to her.
On the application I detailed all the history of abuse towards me and how my kids have been so damaged by past and present events.
I requested for no contact based on how much it's hurting them and at least for now until wi hear back from the court, they can have a break from him. No anxiety or worrying about having to be picked up by him at weekends. I sat down with them today and calmly said we are having a little time away from daddy so they can have more quality time at home with me and their older teenage siblings (different father).
My son seemed relieved and my daughter questioned it but was ok with it. They weren't upset or disappointed.
I doubt my ex will fight me in court because that's what he's like. He hasn't seen his daughter from a relationship before we met for 13-14 years! Never attempted to contact her or his ex or take the matter to court. I hope this happens with my kids.
They will be so much better in the long term. I know that for sure!!! He has done enough damage to my children and now it's important for me to get them all and any help they need in order to process and deal with anything that's affected them. Whether they realise they've witnessed violence or abuse when younger I don't know but I will get all the assessments I can in order to make sure they're ok.

I have no idea how this process works? Are the courts likely to allow him some visitation with the kids? Do they ever grant applications to stop visitation with immediate affect?

Any advice or experience would be appreciated. Thanks everyone xx

I don't have any legal knowledge but as the evidence is all of his behaviour towards you being the thing that's harmful to you and the dc rather than direct abuse towards them, I would expect the courts to want some form of no contact handover put in place to see how that goes before removing contact all together. By that I mean either a relative collecting them from you and delivering to him or you taking them to a child contact centre where staff would then do that handover to your ex. They might put in place supervised visits for a while, where he'd have to see the children at the contact centre with staff present, but unless CAFCASS find anything that suggests a threat to the dc from him being alone with them it's unlikely they'd order supervision.I fully appreciate that's not what you want to hear, and that his abuse of you is damaging to your dc, but given the circumstances you've described it sounds like if the two of you don't have to see/speak at any point those damaging events wouldn't happen.

I'm sorry for the situation you are in OP and what you've gone through.

That being said, the children are entitled to a relationship with their father, providing it is safe to do so. That relationship can take many forms and given that he appears to have been in their lives for a long time and you've allowed contact throughout all of this it's unlikely that a court would stop all contact. For example why can't the children have phone/video/supported contact at the least? You have to bear in mind that stopping contact completely is likely to be damaging to them as well.

I agree with the pp that the court may look into third party handovers as a way to lessen the conflict.

In terms of the process though, cafcass will be directed to do safeguarding interviews with both of you and following those they'll be able to offer advice to the court. As you've raised domestic abuse the court will need to consider whether they need to look further into the allegations and have a fact find hearing on them to determine whether they happened. Cafcass may advise they need a detailed report about all of you before they can make recommendations to the court.

It's likely to be a long process and I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks for the comments. I would like to be clear that I've not always been so happy with contact and I have had to reduce it or pause it in the past.
This decision is absolutely nothing to do with me or his treatment of me in the relationship.
This is about the impact the past and present have had on my child's well-being.
My children are EMOTIONALLY/MENTALLY affected. Especially now. It's like it's almost all been building up over time and now it's too much for them. Mostly my son.
Abuse doesn't always mean physical. Emotional abuse can be more damaging and longer lasting than physical abuse in some cases.
Im speaking from experience in my life with a narcissistic and emotionally stunted dad who continued to affect my mental health from birth until about 8 years ago when I decided enough was enough. He made me feel worthless. He was unkind and had no capacity for love or empathy. I see the same happening with my kids.
I won't allow my children to grow up always feeling worried or anxiety or the chance of destroying their confidence or stopping them from having a good childhood they so deserve. A 6 year old should NOT have these thoughts and feelings. He shouldn't be scared to go spend time with his dad either. It's a lot of pressure and anxiety for such a little boy x

We're not saying that what the dc have experienced is okay at all, I am extremely well informed on all the forms abuse can take. We're also not saying that it's wrong for you to want to protect them. What we are saying is that because (from your post at least) there is no documented history of direct abuse towards the children a court is highly unlikely to just remove contact rights on your request.

My Children have a no contact order which means they have no contact with their father at all.
What I would say is do you already have a court order for contact? Or is it an informal arrangement between you both? If it's an informal one then i would be doing nothing. I would be reducing contact/stopping it but I wouldn't be taking it to court. That's his responsibility to do that if he wishes to see the children.
If your looking for a no contact order there near on impossible if significant harm hasn't happened. Even then if your ex is happy to work with professionals, again contact is still likely to be given.
You also have to have so much evidence of abuse.

Is it possibly to withdraw your application I wonder, as per the post above?

What will he do, is there a regular arrangement in place at the moment or not?

Hate to disappoint you but my ex partner choked his daughter and nearly killed me by throttling me and stamping on my face in front of our then 1.5 year old daughter and he's still been granted contact with her on a fortnightly basis. I wouldn't hold your breath tbh. You're best bet is to appear amenable and work with the father on a contact agreement. That's what the court will want to see.

The level for no contact is ridiculous.

mine was abusive and just a narc controlling arse - actions included telling a 4 year old to man up on a bike until he came off and a teacher in the woods from his primary school reported it
etc

he always had an excuse even now he wants my advice on how to parent

he still has contact but my order says if they don’t want to go they don’t go - we are now 300 miles away as given permission to relocate.

aged 14 I can’t see him wanting to go ….

I fear if the op doesn't already have a court order then by doing what she's doing she's only creating more issues for herself.
I already had a court order in place, stopped contact due to abuse. A year's worth of court hearings, fact finding, paperwork, cafcass, social services, kids school involvement and a massive solisitors bill later. Ended in a no contact order. But I know that was because I had witnesses and very strong evidence of abuse. Also his very very strange behaviour towards all professionals. Don't underestimate the absolute up hill struggle and torcher this process has on you.
If I hadn't already had a court order I would have just stopped contact but done nothing else.

I appreciate all the advice and responses. I still haven’t heard anything about my c100 application but it has only been a couple of weeks. If I did decide to change my mind, is it even possible to withdraw my application and if so, how would I go about it?? My priority since making the application has been solely on my children and getting them the support they need. My GP has referred my 6 year old to child mental health services and I’m in contact with their schools and nursery plus my local early help team. Even though my children are quite young and don’t fully understand or acknowledge the situation or certain aspects of what’s happening right now, I have been talking to each of them one on one to explain why they’re not seeing their dad for a little while and giving them the opportunity to open up to me about any worries or feelings or fears they may have about spending time with him etc.
My 6 & 7 year olds have told me a few things they’ve been worried about or things that have upset them when they were spending time with their dad.
They seem ok with everything at the moment and haven’t been upset or angry about not seeing their dad. They barely mention him at all really. My concern is his reaction when he is informed about my application to the court and potential aggression and trouble he may cause. Of course this would all be directed at me but he wouldn’t hesitate to say and/or do something in front of the kids like he has done in the past.
Who can I contact and how do I stop my application if I decide to?? Thanks everyone

Presumably the court?

You tell your ex you are stopping contact because of xxx, that you will agree to supervised contact in a contact centre and he can make a self referral for this if he wants. If he wants more contact he can apply to court. You can ask court for permission to withdraw your application.

you may want to proceed with an application if:

1. You fear he might take the children from you, e.g. collect from school and not return them. Police wouldnt get involved and it could take some time before you have them back.
2. If you wish to travel and he is likely to kick up a fuss about giving permission.

If either 1 or 2 applies, keep your application in place. It takes a long time though with multiple hearings, a year is not unusual at the moment.

Honestly pay to see a solicitor for advice.. i saw one over 10 years ago but the advice was keep it out of court..

He was offered supervised contact which he took for a while.

Like i say we are going back 10 years. Going to court he will get some contact imo. You can stop contact now on safety grounds .. if you say he won't go to court you are creating a situation you will be ordered to make dc available for contact

I have been divorce for 2 years, separated for 2 years beforehand. I still live in the same city as my ex, however all my family live 90 miles away. For last 4 years I have considered/wanted to move back to being near them for support. I have friends here but it isn't the same.
I am primary carer of the children, my ex only has them every other weekend. He'll also have them the odd afternoon every couple if weeks if it suits him, or ask to do the school run about once a week.
He ended the marriage, and quickly moved on. He did this just 3 months after i lost my dad to suicide. It left me reeling and picking up the pieces while grieving for my dad.
He turned out to be devoid of empathy and a complete narcissist. He tried to leave me struggling financially, wanted his name off the mortgage, regardless of what it meant for the children, yet he was the main breadwinner. Luckily I had financially help for the divorce and kept the house. He also moved 1.5hrs away for about the first year, but then moved back to be with his gf.
I am still single, the primary carer and would at some point like to live near family. I have mentioned this to him, the children are getting to the age where it would be more difficult to move them, however the ages they currently are (8 and 10), they would re settle. They have an excellent relationship with my family already and see them a lot, spend most holidays together etc.. His family also live at a bit of a distance but they hardly ever see them.
The reason I haven't relocated yet are because I wasn't ready, lockdowns, cost of living etc. I also didn't want the children to have too many changes at once after their dad left. It still isn't quite the right time but i would like to keep that as an option.
He has recently asked to go through mediation about me relocating. However as a relocation is not happening right now, I did not see the point in going through mediation.
He has now taken things a step further and filed to the family court to prevent me from moving, stating that the children are settled and should go to the local schools. He has not said he wants them for anymore time. So he wants to keep me and the childen near to him, but has not offered anymore help. My main support is with my family, I have struggled through the last 4 years and wish now that I'd made a move sooner, but life didn't work out that way. I'm now worried that option is about to be taken away and I'll have to stay living where I am for the next 10 years which is how long the youngest has left of education.
The schools near my family are good/excellent (better than our current local ones), their clubs are transferable, and it is not so far that he couldn't still have them every other weekend, but would need to make the effort, I would be ok to share the driving.
The form he has sent to court says I am "threatening" to move them and "not communicating properly" about it with him. Neither statement is true. I have told him that if/when I decide to move, he would be the first person I would discuss it with. But that does not mean he should be able to stop me moving.
Will it hold up in court?
Shall I get the solicitor I used for the divorce to represent me and pay for a barrister at this stage? It will cost thousands which I can't really afford! Or should I just go to court and represent myself (this is what he is doing)
I'm not sure what to do. I don't have MIAM as I didn't do the mediation, whereas he does. Will this reflect badly on me?
Any advice would he gratefully received as I need to send the papers back to court tomorrow and the hearing is next month! (I only received the letter late last week) Apologies this is so long, I wanted to give background.