Has anyone brought up two children on there own?

[mummyofaprincess]

My xp walked out on me, DD now 3 and my bump (i`m now 29 weeks pregnant) in november of last year for OW.

Well since he left he hasnt bothered about LO at all, he didnt go to the 20 week scan (he never missed anything with DD, he even made sure he went to every midwife appointment!)

Well i had to have a c/s with DD so i have asked for one with LO so it will all be planned i will know date times etc

Last night when he was here to see DD i asked him if he wanted to be at the birth like he was with DD he said no, i would rather wait outside as we are not in a relationship anymore and you will want someone to hold your hand, i said LO is your child aswell so it doesnt matter if we arnt in a relationship anymore! He just didn`t reply.

He has also said that he wants DD over night but when i asked what about the LO when LO is old enough he said well LO might not take to me anyway, we`ll see!

This LO was planned, i just dont get it, he was the best dad in the world, hes not now, he`s happy to see DD a couple of hours here and there! Only when its best times etc for him

Sorry for the long rant just needed to get this all off my chest

I know its a stupid question to ask as i know many of you on here have, but i didn`t know what to title this as

Hi there you know I am in same position - my DD is 6 and new LO is now 4 weeks - it is hard but in some ways better as you can just get on with what you want - trust me from reading your posts you are strong enough to cope and from doing it myself last 4 weeks it can be done some good days (curled up in bed with my 2 girls having cuddles and not having to worry about anyone else wanting attention )....and some bad days ......you will be OK !!!

I know what worries you that he will not have same bond to new LO as DD1, that you will have to do everything alone (been there slowly slowly coming out the other end) ....I had same worries but you know what stuff them they are the ones who will lose out...all we can do is love our children and let them know that, and look after ourselves, we canot force them to be good parents and they will lose...your children will have you and that is enough

Hi macdoodle i was hoping you would post, i wanted to ask you something, did your xp want to be at the birth of your new DD?

You dont have to answer its just im finding it so hard to understand why my xp doesn`t want to be there.

I know its his loss, but i find it very upsetting to be honest.

Thank you for your support it does really mean alot x

So glad your you and your girls are doing well, i know i can do it i think its becuase the weeks are going fast now and i`m starting to doublt myself!

I`ve decided to not let this get me down

His loss not mine, i will ask my step mom to go with me as she has been so supportive to me since xp left.

I know i can do this (i keep telling myself this anyway)

MOAP sorry but he did want to be at birth - I think this was more a control thing tha anything else (his child etc)...I was reallynot sure if I wanted him there as it was it was ok - he was quite supportive and it wasn't too strained - he held LO straight away but went home almost straight away (which was fine)...DD1 stayed with him so he brought her in to see us later that day..he did come and take us home and stayed 2 nights but TBH it was hard and I asked him to leave after that ...he comes to "see" baby every few days but doesn't stay long at all and I am sure he will not have same bond as he has with DD1 .....all I can do is tell them both they were loved and wanted
I think the main thing is for you to have someone there you can rely on but perhaps point out to him that when DC are older HE (not you) might need to explain why he was there with DD1 but not DC2

macdoodle thank you for getting back to me.

I also thought about HIM having to tell DC2 later on, as DC2 is going to ask questions later on in life and i will tell him/her the truth and that bit daddy will have to answer if he`s still around!

I think his new GF is ruling him its just a feeling i have inside, i wished he was the same man but he`s changed so much and that is very hard to deal with.

Im sure when LO is born i will move on more as i wont have much time to think about what hes done to us.

MoaP, he's a prize one prick, I'd prefer not to have someone that fucking selfish in an operating theatre with me anyway.
I wouldn't give him a choice.
Maybe he'll be different once the baby is actually here??
I'm with DP and due same time as you (as you know!) and he still find sit hard to acknowledge tha baby and actually feel anything for it, it's hard to bond with a baby that isnt born and isnt in your belly.

Hi VS

I can see what your saying, i think i feel this way because when i was having DD he wanted to do everything with me, never missed a single thing.

So i thought this time round would be the same, but i have had a big shock.

I really hope when LO is born he loves him/her the same as DD, i hope he becomes a very good daddy again.

If not then i will have to be mummy and daddy.

Its so hard seeing someone you loved with all your heart change into someone you don`t even know

But im glad hes changed otherwise it would have been harder i think

Yeah, you're probably right, if he was still the man you loved it would hurt more, better for him to eb a prick, easier to hate him.

He'll come round eventually, especially when his tart has got fed up with him, and if he doesn;t I'm sure theres a man out there for you that will treat you and your children the way you deserve.

YOur ex sounds like a total idiot - and it is his loss. You and your children are going to be fine - how lucky they are to have such a brave and loving mother! Great that you've thought of someone else to be there with you - who is going to be there for you and the baby - not selfishly thinking of themselves the whole time - which it sounds like you ex does.

Macdoodle - congratulations on the birth of your daughter - Christmas baby?

thank you everyone

Yes that happened to me , seven years later he doesn't see either of them . He takes no responsibility and has been angry and abusive for years which I believe is his guilt . On the plus we are a really little happy three , we've had family therapy and we r a little team , he's such a fool he's missed so much and lost everything . Plan yr life together . How I coped was by going to bed when the kids did , usually asleep at half seven , we co sleeped for ages and watched loads of movies tucked under a duvet ( I read self help books a lot) . I had I divi dual counselling once a week too. In all this I had no family support at all so it was really tough and I did cry buckets and buckets .

Now my daughter is fourteen and flying at school and v rounded, my son ( who never built a dad relationship as he was the baby) is the least scathed and just a happy chap) . I'm at university at 44! My best advice get a c good long term therapist , they hold yr hand xxx