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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

How am I supposed to date as a single parent

36 replies

cjkinder98 · 19/09/2022 02:27

Hi all my first post so please be kind with me..

I'm a single parent to my son who's 9 months old and how impossible is it to try and date?!! How did you manage it without feeling major mum guilt and juggling around life? TIA

OP posts:
DarceyG · 19/09/2022 02:54

It’s very hard to date. My dd is 9 now been single since since she was 2. Don’t get me wrong I’ve dated plenty in that time but between work and my child I don’t have the time yo put into a relationship. Many people do form relationships but I haven’t met anyone that I’d want to bring into our lives 100%

EveSix · 19/09/2022 03:08

Have you met a particular person who you would like to start dating? The fact that you need to work dating around your son's needs might be a good way of telling whether the person you are interested in is up for dating a person with a young baby. If it causes a problem, you'll know they're not for you.

If you'd like to get into dating in general, as in being able to go on occasional dates, you'll do well to approach it a bit like you might if you were taking up a regular hobby or an evening class. Create a set time in your week when you will be able to access reliable childcare, and schedule dates to fit in around that. Stay out of your home though, and don't introduce dates to your DS, but that goes without saying.
Enjoy!

SpinningFloppa · 19/09/2022 23:39

I don’t 🤦🏻 Haven’t in 6 years, I have 4 kids and they are with me all the time so it’s not possible for me, if you have family support and/or your ex is involved then it’s doable

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 19/09/2022 23:43

You're not.
I'm joking. You should be able to. But it's so hard. I was single for 7 years. Then had a relationship for 2.5 years.
Been single again for 3 years. DC are teens now so I 'could' date. But I actually can't be bothered.

Original poster
cjkinder98 · 19/09/2022 23:46

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 19/09/2022 23:43

You're not.
I'm joking. You should be able to. But it's so hard. I was single for 7 years. Then had a relationship for 2.5 years.
Been single again for 3 years. DC are teens now so I 'could' date. But I actually can't be bothered.

I genuinely think when my sons old enough to do his own thing is when I'll try and start dating only to realise I can't be bothered!

OP posts:
Original poster
cjkinder98 · 19/09/2022 23:48

SpinningFloppa · 19/09/2022 23:39

I don’t 🤦🏻 Haven’t in 6 years, I have 4 kids and they are with me all the time so it’s not possible for me, if you have family support and/or your ex is involved then it’s doable

I have a really hands on family, so it's doable but trying to exercise and have abit of me time as I'm the only parent is super hard. I feel so guilty leaving him

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 20/09/2022 00:03

Well he’s only 9 months maybe wait till he is older? I probably wouldn’t have dated with such a young baby so maybe you just aren’t ready yet hence the guilt? Mine are a bit older now but still not old enough to be left alone etc

JenJones5 · 20/09/2022 00:07

cjkinder98 · 19/09/2022 23:48

I have a really hands on family, so it's doable but trying to exercise and have abit of me time as I'm the only parent is super hard. I feel so guilty leaving him

Show quote history

Then don’t. He’s still a tiny baby, and you are (presumably) not long out of a failed relationship with his father.

Why not spend a bit longer settling into the routine of shared parenthood, and then just see what happens?

Original poster
cjkinder98 · 20/09/2022 00:10

SpinningFloppa · 20/09/2022 00:03

Well he’s only 9 months maybe wait till he is older? I probably wouldn’t have dated with such a young baby so maybe you just aren’t ready yet hence the guilt? Mine are a bit older now but still not old enough to be left alone etc

Nope, it's always just been me and him. His sperm donor has never been involved since start of pregnancy. But I think that's what it is I'm not ready

OP posts:
JenJones5 · 20/09/2022 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
cjkinder98 · 20/09/2022 02:00

Jen jones - no he wasn't a donor. We was together until I said I was pregnant and then truth quickly unfolded. He is not a safe person to be around my child so he doesn't deserve the title dad or father. So that is why he is known as sperm donor. Nowhere in my question did I need a judgemental response or you making presumptions about a question I had asked, I wanted to start dating not finding a step father for my child as I stated. So no it's not a Jeremy Kyle script it's my real life and I don't appreciate that comment

OP posts:
JenJones5 · 20/09/2022 07:47

cjkinder98 · 20/09/2022 02:00

Jen jones - no he wasn't a donor. We was together until I said I was pregnant and then truth quickly unfolded. He is not a safe person to be around my child so he doesn't deserve the title dad or father. So that is why he is known as sperm donor. Nowhere in my question did I need a judgemental response or you making presumptions about a question I had asked, I wanted to start dating not finding a step father for my child as I stated. So no it's not a Jeremy Kyle script it's my real life and I don't appreciate that comment

You said above that you used a donor.

FrankTheThunderbird · 20/09/2022 08:16

"Sperm donor" is quite commonly used for men who fuck off and have nothing to do with their child. I thought it was clear what she meant.

I don't actually agree with it, I think it's am insult to actual sperm donors, but OP isn't unusual in using the term.

JenJones5 · 20/09/2022 08:36

FrankTheThunderbird · 20/09/2022 08:16

"Sperm donor" is quite commonly used for men who fuck off and have nothing to do with their child. I thought it was clear what she meant.

I don't actually agree with it, I think it's am insult to actual sperm donors, but OP isn't unusual in using the term.

Well then we’re back to her having recently having had a child with a terrible partner and wanting to jump straight back in and find the next one while she still has a little baby, so my first answer applies.

Mindymomo · 20/09/2022 08:43

You are going to have mum guilt whatever you do, especially when it’s just the 2 of you and you’ve obviously spent so much time together. Do you have girl friends that you could go out with, probably just as much fun, just to get used to leaving DC. Dating can be rewarding but also a waste of time and if you aren’t ready yet, just wait a bit.

Doingprettywellthanks · 20/09/2022 08:48

9 months?
oh op please don’t give this another thought for the time being.

i am a single parent, 5 years down the line.

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/09/2022 08:59

It's very very difficult. I've been single for 9 years now. My DS is 11. The problem is I'm an older mum, 53, and by the time he is old enough to be left safely for the evening (he's ASD/ADHD) I feel I'll be too old to bother. It's sad, it's not how I thought my life would be but I've accepted it.

hewouldwouldnthe · 20/09/2022 09:05

With a 9 month old you really need to be focusing on your child and taking whatever free time you can get to look after yourself, learn from your experience as a partner and think carefully about what you want in life. Please don't make the mistake of rushing into another disastrous relationship, having a second child with a shitty dad, and struggling even more. Improve your ability to see red flags in a relationship and ensure good contraception until you are able to build a trust based relationship

Original poster
cjkinder98 · 20/09/2022 10:17

Jen - jump straight back in and find the next one? Please can you explain what you mean by this comment?

OP posts:
Doingprettywellthanks · 20/09/2022 10:24

It is fairly clear what she means op

and I have to say - I agree.

Doingprettywellthanks · 20/09/2022 10:25

Just pause and focus.

Lots of time for dating

JenJones5 · 20/09/2022 10:27

cjkinder98 · 20/09/2022 10:17

Jen - jump straight back in and find the next one? Please can you explain what you mean by this comment?

What bit don’t you understand? You’ve only recently chosen to have a baby with a terrible man, why not take some time out from looking for your next one and concentrate on your baby?

babs98 · 20/09/2022 10:27

Doingprettywellthanks · 20/09/2022 10:24

It is fairly clear what she means op

and I have to say - I agree.

If it's fairly clear would you please state what your both meaning? Because all I can see from my question is asking how people date with children and expressing how old my son is. I didn't state I wanted another child with any Tom dick or Harry or to jump straight into a relationship. Just to go on dates and try to build back my trust in men. Is that really so bad? Of course my son is my priority hence why I posted this for advice.

Doingprettywellthanks · 20/09/2022 10:31

Name change fail?

JenJones5 · 20/09/2022 10:31

Another way to look at it is that you are hopefully going to be able to get back to work soon, so between putting the time in to your career and taking care of a baby you are going to be quite busy and tired and dating can probably wait for a while.