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Should I stop him seeing my daughter

3 replies

Babygirlmum · 18/09/2022 12:02

I have let my ex see my daughter after him leaving me while pregnant and not wanting to be a dad to her this was a very hard decision I made to meet up with him and let him see her bare in mind my daughter is 5 months old now and he has only just met her, I have always felt uneasy about this situation after what he put me through while pregnant and said she will grow up without a dad but after I got in contact with cm he suddenly wanted to be a dad, but a story short he wanted to see her quite regular witch he lives an hour and a half away and works full time but on his days off he was making it his priority to see her, so yesterday was his day to come and see her we had a bit of a disappointment on Friday night with each other, Saturday came around the day to see her and he has chosen to go out drinking with his mates get drunk and suddenly forgets about our daughter and no longer cares and then blames me for picking and choosing so the way I am looking at this is he's chosen to go out and get drunk on his day off over seeing his daughter on his only full day off, he got in at half 4 this morning so while he was supposed to be seeing our daughter that is what he has done instead, what should I do? I am really finding co partnering with him really hard I don't know what's right or wrong when it comes to this stuff anymore? Maybe I shouldn't of ever agreed to him seeing her in the first place he has made me believe that he is going to work hard for her and make her his first priority and after last night that is just not the case at all. After going home when he seen her he would message me to say how much he pissed her and when he gets the chance to see her he fails.

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 18/09/2022 12:11

Tell him he will need to apply to the courts for access. Does he pay child maintenance?

Nila01 · 19/09/2022 09:21

Hello,

I think there will be times when he cannot make it . Best thing is to say if you can’t make it let me know . Right now your daughter is till too young to notice . So now is the time to set some rules without making it sound like you are controlling him .
sorry about what he did to you by walking out and totally can understand why you would want to stop him seeing the baby .

i would always keep the conversations respectful and purposeful . Keep emotion out of it . Always have your daughters interests at heart - bearing in mind her needs will change as she gets older .

don’t stop him . Just talk about how it would be different had he have let you know .

and it’s his one day off so he may have other things planned once in a while and you should accept that .

BeNice01 · 19/09/2022 15:19

I second @Nila01 ‘s advice.

His behaviour isn’t ideal and contacting cms “poked the bear”. Be the calm and amicable one. When you receive messages from him, only reply to what’s relevant to contact. Ignore the rest and don’t get rattled.

Occasionally share information on simple things that he cans bring or buy whether it’s clothes or child appropriate food. This can produce him with directions to be involved.

Save or record all messages from him in the event that end up in court. However, try your best to work out arrangements between yourselves, especially while your daughters is young and flexible.

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