DD always comes back with more presents!!

[Chattycathydoll]

Ranting but also want advice.

I’m desperately trying to declutter and teach good life lessons to DD, but every time she comes back from her dad’s she brings more toys. Not even just one eow either- this weekend it was a big pack of my little ponies, two stuffed animals and a game.

All while he whinges and complains about money, while ‘accidentally’ underpaying his maintenance, of course…

I’ve mentioned it to him but it does no good. He acts as if I’m being a bad parent, depriving her of toys. She has so much here it doesn’t all fit in her room! It’s a nightmare to keep tidy, and she assumes any time we go to the shops we’ll also go to the toy shop because ‘that’s what Daddy does’. I then have to go over our rules, which is that presents are for birthdays and Christmas and anything else she has to save for with pocket money. By the time the lesson has sunk in its back to Daddy’s for yet more endless cuddly squishy plastic crap.

WWYD and can we all agree for a minute he’s an arse because that would help.

Complete arse.

when she goes back to her dad’s send her back with whatever she arrived with. This gets tricky with very beloved stuff so maybe prepare to compromise over some things.

A few phrases along the lines of small house, not enough space, and ‘I think that needs to live at your dad’s’.

Are there lots of toys at his place?

I'd say some stuff lives at dads but also maybe you could de clutter some of the older toys and teach her about selling/giving to charity.

Send her to her dads with a storage box or two of toys every time she goes.

Let Daddy spends his money but I like to spend my time become your motto in the shops.

She’s actually fab at decluttering and giving to charity which is a big help, she recently donated a full black bag to our community centre saying ‘I do like these toys, but there might be other kids who love them more and they should play with them’ which was very sweet.

Send it back to dad's. Each time. We get the opposite here, mum sends all the rubbish from her family to come and stay at our house (I'm a step mum). It goes back every month.

@Followtheyellowsicktoad no, the most infuriating thing is that she doesn’t have a lot of toys there and only recently got a proper bed, despite staying there EOW for 3 years. She has a storage unit for her stuff which has a solid lid so it looks like a side table when replaced, because he and his girlfriend like to pretend he has no kids while DD isn’t physically there.

I’ve tried lugging stuff back to his which is a mission given I don’t have a car, but it just comes back (AND MORE). Perhaps the answer is to persist. Over and over. Scrounge a lift off someone who also thinks ex is an arse, maybe…

Could this be a form of control? If he is constantly sending toys to your place against your wishes it is possible he is doing it to annoy you

If you have asked and he's still doing it, don't allow it to become a massive issue. It just creates tension.
Of course he may be doing it to piss you off, or he may simply be doing it cos that's what he likes do to.
Have a policy that if something's not played with for say 3 months it's got rid of.
I know it must be annoying but Just let it go don't allow it to become a battle.

Also if you only buy presents at birthday and Xmas, you need to consider that your school of thoughts are polar opposites. Neither is right or neither is wrong. Because your opinion is the opposite it's bound to irritate you, but that's for you to manage.

Persist. I would fill an empty duvet cover with all her toys and take them to his house - every time. All the stuff he buys would be in the sack, every time. I bet he stops when his GF gets the arse!

Declutter to his house. So send any less played with or older toys to his house. He might then get the message or he may not but at least it makes neutral any toys she brings back so it's not actually adding to your house