Baby dad being involved or not?

[Babygirlmum]

Morning all I always come to this page to get advice from other mums or parents, my ex left me when I was pregnant I am not going into every finer detail but he didn't treat me very well due to me being pregnant and he took it very bad and said he never ent to be a dad to our baby the baby is never gonna have him as her dad and he wants nothing to ever do with it he's said plenty more too but I'm not going to go into much, I had my beautiful daughter in March of this year her dad seen I had had her on my WhatsApp pic witch I found out afterwards anyway cut a long story short I got in compact with CM and all of a sudden he got in contact and asked could he ever see her this was a big ask after what he had put us both through while I was pregnant, a lot of stress and hurt, I couldn't get my head around what had changed his mind after three months and a CM letter, cut another story short after thinking things through and him still not being perfect and consistent I made the decision to meet up with her with our daughter, now I am rethinking and I just don't feel comfortable after all the hurt he's put us through and the things he's said about my daughter before she was born now he's trying to be dad of the year and I find it hard to buy his BS, I'm soo confused, any advice or experience similar.

Have you posted before? He is hoping contact will mean you drop cm claim. He was abusive, abandoned you, is unreliable and did not care until you asked for money. Move on and focus on your dd.

Also read this before

@LIZS yes I have posted quite abit on here, do you think that's what it's about

Thankyou I appreciate your advice.

You sound very naive to hope otherwise. He showed you what he was like, do you want that in your dd life?

@LIZS no I don't and this is what I have said multiple times that he hasn't changed and that he's never going to be consistent and will put everyone before his daughter and he try's to manipulate me by saying things like so you want your daughter to grow up without a dad I want to be a part of her life and all this and that it's frustrating.

Whatever his motivations, he can reasonably ask for access with you present while baby is small.

He might have changed his mind now baby has arrived and want to know his child. He might be thinking that if he has her regularly it will reduce his maintenance payments. He may be trying to pressure you. Who knows.

Either way, I suggest you give him one chance to meet his baby. She is entitled to a relationship with her father if possible. Then he can apply to be added to the birth certificate, and then go to court for regular access. But the CM claim stays in place. And if he messes you around, stop co-operating and let him take you to court.

Is he on the birth certificate?

@LIZS no he wasn't present at the birth or the registration.

Hi @Babygirlmum i have a similar predicament except my ex stayed during my pregnancy and was there for the birth as he didn’t want to look like a d* externally but behind closed doors he was awful to me, didn’t want our baby and was extremely verbally abusive.
He is now acting like dad of the year, telling his friends and family to come over and meet her, but has told me he is leaving us as soon as he can find a new flat to rent. When I said I would need CS he said he wants 50/50 custody and he won’t pay up but would buy her things if needed. My baby is only 8 weeks old and I feel the same way. I’d rather he just leave us alone for good than want to be so involved and me have to see him. I haven’t registered LO’s birth yet as he’s pressuring me and I don’t really feel comfortable putting him on her BC for now although I’m worried I’m being unfair as I shouldn’t cut her dad out of her life due to how he treated me. It’s a horrible predicament.

does your ex have his family involved at all? My exes are pressuring me too as they have no idea what he’s like.

i sympathise with you - but I would probably advise you keep him at arms length. I let my ex at the birth and to stick around for these crucial first weeks and he’s caused more stress than good so far and now is making me feel like a fool by planning to leave again. xx

It sounds like you're both quite young, it is possible he didn't realise how he'd feel once your child was born. However, if he was abusive to you before and during the pregnancy, it's very important you keep things strictly professional when interacting with him. He may genuinely want to know his child, but he also needs to know that's all that is on the table.