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Lone parents

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Original poster

Think me and my partner are over - am 33 weeks pregnant

30 replies

MissingMyHeels · 21/01/2008 21:37

I have lots of things worrying me and I know this seems trivial in the circumstances but the thing that is bugging me most is that nobody will want me once I have a baby and I will be single for ever and ever...

Some success stories please!

OP posts:
Frizbe · 21/01/2008 21:40

Are you sure? are things really that bad? or is it just the raging hormones that we all joyously get when pregnant?

Original poster
MissingMyHeels · 21/01/2008 21:43

No I'm fairly confident. It has been like this for a while, the pregnancy was unplanned and I just don't think we're "in love" with eachother. We argue non-stop, he always throws the fact he didn't want the baby in my face - it was a contraception failure - and I am sick of it and I think he is looking for any escape route he can find

OP posts:
mummyofaprincess · 21/01/2008 21:46

if you are over then please don`t worry.

I have got a DD 3 and i`m 28 weeks pregnant, my ex left me..

Well since then i have had someone very interested in me but i know its to soon so i have said to them this and there happy to be friends.

My xp left me in november of last year.

Someone will want you so please don`t worry, i thought the same thing to be honest when it first happend!

I hope your o.k x

mummyofaprincess · 21/01/2008 21:47

at him throwing this in your face, tell him it does take two you know!!!

men!!!

Original poster
MissingMyHeels · 21/01/2008 21:48

It's the silliest thing to even be thinking about. Is this some strange coping mechanism?

Worry about the little things?

I guess I should be thinking about how the hell I am going to cope more than anything else. Jesus. This was not how I planned things.

OP posts:
mummyofaprincess · 21/01/2008 21:50

I think it is, thats one of the first things i thought of if im honest, whos going to want me with two children and i`m only 21.

But i know there is nice men out there and i hold on to that and that gets me through the days.

I do love being single and on my own for now, I just want to enjoy my time with me DCs

madamez · 21/01/2008 21:50

Well, lots of single parents do go on to form new relationships, so I don't think you need to worry about that too much. Perhaps you need to have a calm, practical talk with your partner about handling your separation (do you live together? etc) and then negotiating how to be co-parents to your child once he/she arrives. My DS dad and I were not/are not a couple (it was an unplanned PG) and when I was pregnant we had no contact, but he is now a very involved, doting dad and we get on very amicably.

pelafina · 21/01/2008 21:54

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MissingMyHeels · 21/01/2008 21:55

We don't live together, we were going to have two properties as I have moved nearer my Mum and he was keeping a city pad and was going to spend weekends and a couple of nights during the week with us and the rest of the time (he works very long hours) in the city crash pad. He still wants to come and stay a few times a week, financially I am the breadwinner so will not be affected in that respect.

I mean on a practical note nothing really changes, it's the emotional support I can't imagine doing without. That and it seems so unfair on our little girl, it seems silly but I feel like she really deserves two parents. Not just one and a part time one. Although he'd probably not have been much more than that anyway.

I don't know if any of this is even making sense. I just want to take to my bed and sleep until she arrives!

You sound really brave mummyofaprincess, does it hurt any less now than it did in November?

OP posts:
Original poster
MissingMyHeels · 21/01/2008 21:58

Aww pelafina, maybe you're right. I guess if something is not meant to be then postponing the inevitable is not necessarily any better. Although at least you can say you have really given it a try - I feel like we haven't really bothered IYKWIM?

Surely we owe it to her to give it 110%, I just feel a bit of a failure. Just text my Mum and feel like I have really let everyone down.

OP posts:
StripeyMamaSpanx · 21/01/2008 22:01

Don't let him throw that in your face - ever. My dd's dad did that to me for nearly three years - I ended up with PND which I am certain was not helped by the fact that I was never 'allowed' to show any happiness about my baby, to look forward to the birth, to admit to finding it difficult after she was born, without him saying "Well, you wanted her".

If you end up going it alone, then don't worry. You will cope!

And with regards to nobody else ever wanting you - well, I feel like that too at times, and as yet I haven't found anyone else (not on a permanent basis, anyway ) but it is actually quite liberating to manage on your own. Honest...

Like other posters have said, you just enjoy the time you get with your dc/s.

lou33 · 21/01/2008 22:01

you will cope because you have to, and sometimes it will be fine and sometimes it will seem like hte hardest thing one earth, but you will cope.

wrt noone wanting you, nope, not gonna happen

i'm 41 with 4 kids and have had relationships since i split with my h 2 years ago

also i have a friend who had a 5 month affair with a pregnant woman, not his baby, and she was no longer with the father of the child, but it didnt put him off

Original poster
MissingMyHeels · 21/01/2008 22:02

I know I shouldn't let him throw it in my face but I just don't have a comeback. What can I say to it? I made the decision, I can't deny that and shouldn't have to but he feels that this relinquishes him of any responsibilty.

OP posts:
mummyofaprincess · 21/01/2008 22:02

It doesn`t hurt to much now at all.

I do have my off days where i wished we could go back in time etc

I know i have to carry on as normal for DD and for LO, even when i just want to cry on them off days.

My LO was planned, but xp doesn`t mention LO at all.

Xp does still come and see DD (not very often though) and its as if i have no feelings for him at all now, but my situation is very different, as xp left me for OW.

I hope this helps a little bit x

Original poster
MissingMyHeels · 21/01/2008 22:05

Thanks lou and stripey - I guess maybe things will feel difference once she is here. At the moment it seems so difficult to even imagine.

4 kids on your own lou, that is very impressive! And you're right, I have to cope. I can't let it get the better of me.

OP posts:
StripeyMamaSpanx · 21/01/2008 22:09

Ach, let him be an arse.

Sorry, but its the only thing I found that works. Just try your best, and enjoy your children - they are whats important, not the spoilt and selfish mutterings of overgrown toddlers men who don't want the responsibility.

It does get easier, believe me. And it is sooo much better to be on your own than to be dragged down constantly by someone who is resentful of the situation.

mummyofaprincess · 21/01/2008 22:12

stripeys right

lou33 · 21/01/2008 22:20

god yeh i'd never go back to him

far better off without

cazcaz · 22/01/2008 13:48

hi there,
This is the first time I have ever posted on mumsnet but your situation sounds very similar to one I was in 8 years ago.
I was in a relationship when I became pregnant,(unplanned)and we decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. At around twenty five weeks pregnant it bacame apparent that impending fatherhood wasn't for him and we went our seperate ways. He promised at this stage to still be involved. I was devestated throughout the rest of my pregnancy as it certainly wasn't how I'd ever imangined my life would be.
Like you I was financially secure and had my own career that I returned to once my ds was born, with the help of a great nursery and parents!
My ds's father saw him only three times in the first two months of his life and then no more.
When he was seven months old I met a lovely man who became daddy to my ds once we married and have since gone on to have another child.
Romance can begin when you have a baby and do not ever feel that you will be alone forever - just enjoy your baby. I still look back on the first few month's of my ds life with pride that I did it myself, and actually wouldn't change anything about those precious first months.

TheMuppetMuggle · 22/01/2008 13:53

Hiya, i fell pregnant with my DD my ex told me he wasn't ready to be a dad so i should get on with it myself, but to remember that no man would want a single mum with small child. How wrong could he be, i'm in a wonderful and strong relationship, we are currently looking for a house together and once settle will look to add to our family, and the best thing is he is the single one out of us both .

So don't worry you'll find someone who will love you and you DC x

Harra · 22/01/2008 17:35

Very early days for me - but split with my xp when ds was 10 months old - single for a year. Have just met a lovely man - only a month into the relationship but so easy going, lovely with ds and I am so happy and know that I did the right thing and my ds will see me in a caring committed relationship without the continual arguing I had with xp. Having a child/baby will put some people off - but it will attract a lot of others and at least you won't be one of those women who is desperate to have a relationship to have a baby - you will already have one and then you can choose a relationship on your terms.

Original poster
MissingMyHeels · 23/01/2008 12:32

Thank you so much for such positive stories ladies. I'm feeling happier about things now and spent last night with him and for the first time in a long time I saw him for what he really is. Think I have been deluding myself that we were happy!

I'm certainly in no rush to get into a relationship I just want to know that there are men out there who don't instantly see it as a turn off.

OP posts:
pelafina · 23/01/2008 19:00

Message withdrawn

DarcyB · 04/02/2008 21:17

Hi just reading everyones post, and find it really positive (in a weird way cos it,s not nice when men leave women, when pregnant or with childeren) but I have had a simelar situation. My partner of 7 years left me and our home in november, around 7 ish months pregnant, which was very unexpected to me and i was heartbroken. even tho the pregnancy was not planned,we talked of having children around 30...(we r both 25)I thought we loved eachother enough to bring a child in the world together earier than planned. But he left saying he doesnt think he loves me in the right way he should, that he loves me like a best friend????? ....after only buying our home a year ago and having ,what i thought was a strong relationship, I am now on my own. My son has now arrived and I could not be happier, but my situation still remains. Family support has got me thro. Its nice to know that there are single mothers that find love again and that there are those special men that take on someone elses child, and go on to add to the family. I just think there are some men that cannot handle growing up and think everyone else around them is doing something more exciting than they are. Little do they know that having a child is the most amazing thing in the world and they will be the ones that lose out in the long run and when they realise this and all other friends around them start to have families of their own, they will be full of regret of what they let go. Stay positive and take each day as it comes and enjoy ur baby and think of you and only you right now!!!! Things can only get better and whats meant to be will be

lottymadbird · 06/02/2008 14:37

reading your post, that could have been me 2.5yrs ago. i split with exP a few weeks before my DS was born.

wont lie it was really hard in the beginning (especially sleepless nights) but much, much better than coping with a baby and a bad relationship.

i definitely made the right decision. exP doesnt care about his son has tried to make as much trouble for me as possible and quite frankly im glad he only has a very small influence in my sons life.

and now the good bit... have a new man (nearly our 1 year anniversary) and he is absolutely wonderful. He is brilliant with DS and they love each other to bits. He has restored my faith in men.

I hardly ever got the chance to go out when DS was first born and met DP through a friend, so trust me there is every chance in the world that you will meet someone else.

As for no-one wanting you because you are a single mum, the nice blokes wont give a stuff so in some ways its a way of weeding out the losers !!!

Good luck.