Help unauthorised recording

[KayA1980]

Hi, I’m new on here and not sure if this is allowed but honestly don’t know what to do. I was at work and my daughter 15 text me to ask if she could tell me something bad. I immediately called her and she was in pieces. She confided in me that she had partaken in some adult act (not sure if you can say oral on here 😔) and it was her first time. I was obviously gutted and it felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. She then tells me the boy involved recorded it without her knowledge and is now circulating it. I went home and called the police but they have said with only a phone number it will take between 1-3 months to get permission to track the mobile account. I don’t know what to do, I’ve shouted and my daughter and I’ve comforted her. I’m trying to be strong but a single mum and feel like I’m drowning. I’ve since found out the boys family have a little bit of a rep and once they police locate the address I’ll probably have them at the door. The police have said the boy (17) will be arrested and charged as long as video still on his phone. Can anyone offer any advice? My family live 3 hours drive away and I don’t think I could call my mum to explain what her granddaughters got involved in. Thank you x

You can say whatever you want on MN. You will hopefully find it very supportive and there are a lot of people on here, mostly women, with a lot of knowledge.

Surely the police are talking out of there arses? It's child pornography. Making a video of a child.

What do you mean 'with only a phone number it will take 1-3 months'.

Do you think you can get some support from her school? There will be people,at the school who are safeguarding leads and may be able to speak with your daughter.

Also, it's a positive that your daughter has come to you about this. You must have a good relationship with her.

No advice just to say how sorry for both of you. If it happened to my daughter I hope I would have the courage to pursue injustice like this to the ends of the earth. What has the world come to?

hi, thank you for reply. The police came round this morning and said that if we had an address they would arrest straight away, but by only giving them a phone number and the social media user names that’s the time frame. They said it will go court and the boy could go on offenders register as it’s child pornography but we both don’t want it out there a day let alone that time frame. I know once it’s out it’s out but can’t stop crying. Sorry to ramble I so appreciate you responding. Even thought bout calling Samaritans as I just can’t talk to anyone about it and police with that time scale is just pants x

This sounds like a really tricky situation, but hats off to your daughter for coming clean - you clearly have a good relationship. I think the most important thing here is showing her that you're on her side here - what that boy has done is create pornographer of a child and then distributed it.

Call them back, stand firm and tell the police using those words. What he has done os hugely illegal and unethical. Your daughter may be embarrassed as her privacy has been invaded and her trust broken, poor thing. But this lad needs to feel the consequences.

Sorry OP, was typing as you were updating. Call the Sams if you need to (they've certainly helped me in the past), and please both look after yourselves c

We do have good relationship and I’m so glad she come to me as soon as she knew. Even police officer commented on it. Just so angry she let herself get caught up but at the same time I know teenagers can get up to no good. Just an individual being so creepy to record it. She told me someone messaged her asking her if she’s done that and she said no, then they let it slip bout the video. Sorry to ramble, I’ve actually managed to sob a bit of this anger out and because a few people took the time to reach out, thank you x

Could you find his address by googling his full name and general area? Or sleuthing on social media for his parents names etc. Sometimes the electoral register addresses come up on Google. So sorry this has happened,such a violation, ask police to refer her to victim support :(

I think all you can do is support her and fight her corner. Contact his and her school and make them aware.

Oh how awful for you both.
So sorry this happened
Is there no way you can find out where this scummer lives and speed the police up?

You've said you know that the boys family has a reputation, your daughter, I assume, knows his full name. Surely there's a way of tracking down his address? Asking friends of friends? Even hiring a PI to get his address which you can pass onto the police, seeing as they don't seem to be in much of a hurry?

He created and distributed child pornography and the police know who he is, roughly enough. I'm saddened they're being so slow to act.

Go to her school website and find the safeguarding information and contact the school today. Someone will be checking this account regularly. They can get ahead of this before they return to school and especially if people are gossiping, the school liason police officer may be able to come for a chat with your DD she should be familiar to her from doing assemblies etc.

Do you have no other contact information for the male that you can pass on especially if the family have a rep someone must know where they live.

Does she know it it's been shared and how? The NSPCC might be able to help /https://www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/news-opinion/2021/childline-tool-remove-nude-images-online/

If you have his full name surely the police can trace him?

I know you've already spoken with the police. But this is surely statutory rape: her performing a sex act and being under 16. So I would imagine they'd be more motivated to find him. Might he have attended the same school?

Surely if they are known in the local area they will be known to the police already? My cousins are a rough lot and if the police are given there name they know EXACTLY where they live

If your daughter knows him why do the police need a phone number?

The reputation is from what a friend has told her. It’s long winded but the male in question, his best mate is dating some girl my daughter knows. No one is giving the surname but I’ve sent the police the number, area he lives and photos of him so I’m hoping it speeds the process. I’m taking her for a drive shortly to see if she can give me his road, surely that’s got to speed the process up.My daughter is now having people sending her tictoks bout girls that are slags. I’ve just called and reported it and said I need something actioned immediately as she’s also receiving voice notes “your fu@ked”. I’ve got her sobbing as she said it was my first time, I’m not a slag mum, I’m sorry”. As a parent it’s heart breaking. The guy laughing and his mates, while mine is hiding and already saying not going school. I will speak with the school and see if they can help but just trying to keep her off phone.

Oh bless her, just wanted to send a hand hold.

your daughter has done NOTHING wrong! At 15 giving someone oral sex isn't awful or wrong.

what is disgusting is him filming and sharing it.

Whilst it must feel awful for your daughter especially given the abuse, anyone who is a decent person will ignore this. Also many of her peers will understand how horrid this is and will judge the boy. This will soon pass and be forgotten by most people.

if she can, change all social media, phone etc and try to keep her off social media as much as possible. I wonder if there’s support groups for young people as so many of them will experience this trauma

Poor lass, the school safeguarding advice above is good. You need some help here.
Do you know the friend? Can you ask her for her boyfriends details?
I would be blazing guns and directing the police where to investigate for this fucker who is manufacturing and distributing child sexual abuse images, before he can get rid of evidence.

Your poor girl, she’s done nothing wrong, and poor you. 💐💐

Try to persuade her to come off all social media for a couple of weeks, and please contact the NSPCC for some practical support.

He sexually coerced her . Its an assault on a minor. The young man should be locked up and the key thrown away.

Contact safeguarding lead at school. They will be able to find out from other kids what happened fairly quickly. They will be able to liaise with the police directly.
As for you daughter, tell her it will be yesterday news soon enough. Head up, she will cope with this- she has done nothing wrong, he is the sex offender- she’s underage and that’s a crime, he has underage porn on his phone and that’s a crime, he distributed underage porn and that’s a crime.