Turn up at airport?

[Lucyintheskyw]

My five year old son's father is notoriously difficult. He was a bully and abusive throughout our relationship and since. He will never negotiate or be involved in any discussions about arrangements. His stock answer is to tell me what he is going to do and then tell me that if I come to his house to retrieve our son, he will phone the police. Our relationship is full of threats which he uses to get his own way. We have a court order in place but summer holidays are not set out in the court order other than shared equally by agreement.

He has taken our son abroad for the first time for two weeks - this is the longest he's been away from he. He sent me a message telling me that he would keep him for an additional week and return him on 2nd September. I replied saying this needs to be agreed and I'm not happy with not seeing him for close to three weeks. I told him that it's something that needs to be discussed and agreed not unilaterally dictated. He kept refusing. I said if he won't discuss things, I will come to collect our son at the airport and we can discuss arrangements for the remainder of the holidays over the phone. He obviously made threats about that and it's infuriating that he tries to maintain control this way.

I'm furious that he behaves this way then turns it back on me like I'm completely unreasonable and acting irrationally. By not collecting him, I'm playing into what he wants, which is scaring me to get his own way. But by the same token, if I turn up, he will accuse me of being deliberately inflammatory and provocative even though I'm a quiet, shy person whose never started an argument in front of our son.

What would you do?

Not let him take him abroad

Why 2 threads on the same issue?

That will be really awful for your son, do not turn up at the airport! You need to do this away from your son and your ex does not sound as though he is going to co operate.

I think you need to go back to court and get the details of the holiday contact set out in stone.

That doesn't help you for this time but once you have everything set in stone you can refer to the court order which should reduce his ability to threaten you.

Unfortunately it won't force him to turn up and he can still dick you about but as long as you make your son available for contact as specified then you will have abided by the arrangement.

Sorry you're going through this, I agree that 3 consecutive weeks is too long and I have refused before for the same reason.

I went to the airport with my good friend. We were there for two hours and they didn't come through the arrivals. I'm worried he's not been on the flight he says he's on. I don't know what to do now, I'm really worried.

If summer holidays are to be shared, then he should have him for three weeks. They don’t need to be consecutive, but has he had him earlier in the summer?

Report him as missing to the police on the non emergency number.
And I’d be speaking to a solicitor too, to get the arrangements set in stone.

I would assume he changed the flights after your conversation, either to a different airport or a different time of day.

That said, does he have a child arrangements order that says your ds lives with him? (Seems extremely unlikely). In which case, he needed your consent to take ds abroad at all. Details here.

That said, as @lickenchugget says, unless he had time with him earlier in the holidays he may be doing this deliberately in order to get the 50% of time specified in the court order.

For your ds' sake, I think you need to go back to court to get the holiday arrangements set out in more detail. I'd suggest that each of you should only get one two week period in the summer where there is no contact with the other parent, i.e. to allow you both to go on holiday if you wish. The other two weeks of the holiday to alternate to the other parent, i.e. something like Dad 2, Mum 1, Dad 1, Mum 2 or Mum 1, Dad 2, Mum 2, Dad 1.

It sounds as if your court order does say the arrangements in the holiday are by agreement, and this hasn't been agreed. It might be worth consulting a solicitor but unless he has already had his three weeks, I guess it may not be possible to get the court to intervene.

So, what if he calls the police if you turn up to collect your son. When they turn up remain calm and show them the court order. You can video him too if he starts being abusive and show them that.

Having said that though, I would go back to court and fix everything in stone. Pick ups etc are to be done from school, rather than each other's houses. Fixed times and dates for holidays.
I would not allow overseas travel until he can behave - if he does go to court, you have evidence that he did not return you son and he won't be allowed that way either.

At least you're not still married to him!