Becoming a single mum help

[heartbreakhotel20]

Hi all, me and my partner have just split up. I have found out some awful things which means he will not be sharing custody, but that's a whole other thread.

I am currently staying away from home with my DS (toddler) but will be going back to the family home over the weekend. How can I make this transition easiest for for little boy, any tips.

I will also be meeting XP before I go back to discuss the house we rent and bills etc to plan our Separation anything I should keep in mind to discuss my brain is fried I can't think straight xx

Consistency and routine are key for children. So good reliable contact is best. Every other weekend and one over night in the week is what some families do. Others work well with a 50/50 routine.

Money through CMS. Then there is no need to discuss this any further going forward.

What's the position regarding family
Home. Are you staying ? Is it rented or owed etc

It's rented ideally I will stay but need to work that out financially etc, as I'm currently not working due to being made redundant.

Ok. You need to do some suns then. Claim universal credits. And cms. Can you make it work. It's right as a single parent and many will tell you not to rely on the child support I've had sporadic payments over the past 5 years. And give up with it now.

Hey heartbreakhotel..

Sorry to read about your situation. In terms of the transition for your DS there are a few things that spring to mind from my own separation. Be prepared for lots of Daddy questions! Where, why, when, etc and my only advice is to keep these replies short and sweet if your DS is a toddler. And sometimes these will break your heart so try if you can to get a minute to let those emotions out without putting on him too much! Go see a friend or family to get it all out, and be prepared for the next round.
In terms of if contact commences, letting LO take things with, favourite toys or things from home can help him feel settled but even with the best intentions in the world, just be prepared to have a sad, confused, angry LO from time to time - its a crazy time for him so just being patient and helping him grow into this new normal (which sounds easy but I had to dig REALLY deep when my son would kick the back of my seat screaming all the way home from seeing his dad in the early days!) ..and lots of cuddles and love!
The final thing I'll add, which I sort of hinted at just there, is things change so much so just try and be flexible and responsive to what his needs are there and then - again sounds obvious but I tried so hard to keep everything the same in the early days, daily and bedtime routines for example, but sometimes mine didn't need a bath at 6pm just like they used to when my ex was there.. instead they needed a cuddle and a story or film.

There's a long old road ahead OP, good luck to you and your LO x

Thank you, it's difficult at the moment due to the situation we are currently at my mum and dads and plan to be here for at least a month so I can get our housing situation sorted. So sort of treating it like a holiday for him trying to stick to a basic routine but also allowing flexibility. Due to the situation which I can't go in to right now. There won't be any overnights etc for a very long time as everything has to be supervised so I need to navigate that with my LO. Luckily he's very young so not quit able to question etc and as he's with nanny and grandad he's currently having a great time x