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Struggling with son that reminds me of ex

4 replies

Gravmum · 15/08/2022 21:42

I’m struggling with 9yr old as he reminds me of my ex, he is like him in many ways but particularly his lying. If we’re having a fun day he will cause an issue or become grumpy for no reason mirroring what his dad used to do. Family days out or occasions were frequently spoilt by dads behaviour.

i have just taken my 2 away for a holiday all was going well until 3 days before we came home 9yr old suddenly gets very clingy doesn’t want me to leave him even tho I can’t anyway as it’s just me and 2 kids. He basically then tells me a whole story that dad leaves them on there own most weekends in his flat for approx 30mins while he goes shopping. This story was backed up by 6yr old. I asked questions and was what seemed credibly answered, also wouldn’t of actually put this past ex. I had no reason to doubt them as it all seemed credible. He continued discussing it on and off for the last 3 days.

so fast forward to us coming home today and I’m so angry that they have been locked in the flat etc. so this evening I confronted ex to be told he has done it once. I have then re asked 9yr old and he has now admitted lying and dragging his brother into the lie. No reasons whatsoever just did.

i don’t know what to do with 9yr old. I have noticed the lying and devious behaviour happening more but nothing like this. i often feel like it’s attention seeking but how the hell do I deal with it. I struggle with the constant reminders of ex’s behaviour in him and am at a loss of how to deal with it

OP posts:
TwoWeeksislong · 15/08/2022 21:46

He didn’t tell a huge lie. He slightly exaggerated a true story. It was a one off, not most weekends, but perhaps he has been worrying about it most weekends?
Also, can you be sure the truth isn’t somewhere in between? Maybe this happened more often than once, but not every weekend?

Haffdonga · 15/08/2022 21:57

So ex HAS left them alone. Your ds is telling you the essential truth. (Exaggerated by the number of times but true.) DS is scared to be left alone by his df. Why are you angry with him? Confused

He is not his father. He is a scared child whose parents don't seem to like him very much. I'm really not surprised he felt the need to exaggerate in order to gain something from you. Children may lie or exaggerate for many reasons but one of those reasons is never because they are the same as their parent.

lunar1 · 15/08/2022 22:00

The important facts of the story are true, your ex left him home alone and scared, he's worried it will happen again.

You use some very negative language regarding your young son.

SaintHelena · 15/08/2022 22:12

Maybe punish both older and younger boy so younger won't allow himself to be dragged into lie again.
Why did he become clingy. Maybe he is homesick and misses you and the lie was to discourage you from sending him toex's.

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