I don't think I can do it anymore

purpleme12 · 2022-08-13T20:03:53+00:00

I don't know how I can continue to do it by myself. I must be doing such a bad job of this 😓😓😓😓😓 I feel so alone and overwhelmed

Starseeking · 13/08/2022 21:12

I'm sorry you are feeling that way, it's hard raising DC by yourself.

Has something particularly bad happened this evening, or is it down to it being the same thing every day slowly grinding you down?

If it's a one-off incident, try and get a good sleep tonight, and focus on tomorrow being a new day.

JanglyBeads · 13/08/2022 21:15

What makes you think you must be doing such a bad job of parenting alone?

How many DC and how old?

Do you maybe need to talk to a doctor about mental health?

Hope you and the DC are OK.

Original poster

purpleme12 · 13/08/2022 21:19

Starseeking · 13/08/2022 21:12

I'm sorry you are feeling that way, it's hard raising DC by yourself.

Has something particularly bad happened this evening, or is it down to it being the same thing every day slowly grinding you down?

If it's a one-off incident, try and get a good sleep tonight, and focus on tomorrow being a new day.

Yes I had more violence tonight when she was having an outburst again.
I'm worn down with it all. The outbursts.
Never used to feel this way.
Thank you so much for replying

OP posts:

Iamtoobusy1234 · 13/08/2022 21:21

Just after some advice pls. Mummy of two little ones - 4 year old and 4 month old. Finding things tough at the moment and feeling overwhelmed by being a new mummy of 2, so much so can’t help thinking how much easier my life was with 1. Now thinking if I made the wrong decision :0/

Has anyone felt like this & did things get easier?

Original poster

purpleme12 · 13/08/2022 21:21

JanglyBeads · 13/08/2022 21:15

What makes you think you must be doing such a bad job of parenting alone?

How many DC and how old?

Do you maybe need to talk to a doctor about mental health?

Hope you and the DC are OK.

Cos I can't stop the behaviour 😓
She's 8
I am speaking to people about getting help for her etc but it's so overwhelming I don't know what the right thing to do is and at the same time I don't like letting people into our life either.
Thank you so much for replying

OP posts:

Iamtoobusy1234 · 13/08/2022 21:25

Sorry wasn’t supposed to add here!

JanglyBeads · 13/08/2022 21:46

Google the national association of therapeutic parenting. They have great advice.

Starseeking · 13/08/2022 21:58

Does your DD have additional needs or is it that she's angry about her dad not being around?

If it's additional needs, it sounds like you are doing your best to get her help, and that's all you can do really. Don't feel guilty about it not happening quickly enough, you're fighting for her, which is the important thing.

My younger DC has additional needs, and over the last couple of years I've had to arrange the diagnosis, numerous specialist support appointments (physio, OT, SALT, audiologist), apply for EHCP, apply for DLA, apply for specialist school plus school transport on my own. Despite only splitting with my EXDP a year ago, I had to do everything on my own as he was not interested/did not want to accept DC was struggling. I also had to apply for CMS once EXDP made it clear he was only going to pay £300 in maintenance for 2 DC (when he earns £60k). I'm also hopefully completing on our new home this month, after my last attempt at property buying fell through after 7 months.

It can feel overwhelming at times when you've got lots going on and it's just you, and you've got to be mum, dad, good cop, bad cop, all rolled into one.

What helped me to limit the feeling of being overwhelmed was taking each item in turn; so I only applied for CMS when I'd exhausted all other options. As DC was coming up to start school, I applied for EHCP and DLA one after the other, then schools and transport following.

It may also be that your DD needs more support with managing her emotions. Are you able to talk to her on a one to one basis, or do you have other DC vying for your attention? My older DC who has no additional needs find it hard that younger DC gets more help due to their diagnoses. Are you perhaps able to take DD out for their favourite treat and let them know it's ok to feel angry sometimes, and that you love them, are supporting them etc?

Sorry if I'm wide off the mark with the above, there's not a lot of information about your situation in your OP (which is absolutely fine for your privacy), so I'm sharing from my own circumstances how I've dialled down on feeling the pressure.

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/08/2022 22:00

Only to say I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds so hard.

Please do reach out and get help though, through GP and school. No one will think badly of you and you need it. Also talk to the GP about your own health.

also you aren’t doing a bad job - you are going a good job in tough circumstances.

Original poster

purpleme12 · 13/08/2022 22:05

Starseeking · 13/08/2022 21:58

Does your DD have additional needs or is it that she's angry about her dad not being around?

If it's additional needs, it sounds like you are doing your best to get her help, and that's all you can do really. Don't feel guilty about it not happening quickly enough, you're fighting for her, which is the important thing.

My younger DC has additional needs, and over the last couple of years I've had to arrange the diagnosis, numerous specialist support appointments (physio, OT, SALT, audiologist), apply for EHCP, apply for DLA, apply for specialist school plus school transport on my own. Despite only splitting with my EXDP a year ago, I had to do everything on my own as he was not interested/did not want to accept DC was struggling. I also had to apply for CMS once EXDP made it clear he was only going to pay £300 in maintenance for 2 DC (when he earns £60k). I'm also hopefully completing on our new home this month, after my last attempt at property buying fell through after 7 months.

It can feel overwhelming at times when you've got lots going on and it's just you, and you've got to be mum, dad, good cop, bad cop, all rolled into one.

What helped me to limit the feeling of being overwhelmed was taking each item in turn; so I only applied for CMS when I'd exhausted all other options. As DC was coming up to start school, I applied for EHCP and DLA one after the other, then schools and transport following.

It may also be that your DD needs more support with managing her emotions. Are you able to talk to her on a one to one basis, or do you have other DC vying for your attention? My older DC who has no additional needs find it hard that younger DC gets more help due to their diagnoses. Are you perhaps able to take DD out for their favourite treat and let them know it's ok to feel angry sometimes, and that you love them, are supporting them etc?

Sorry if I'm wide off the mark with the above, there's not a lot of information about your situation in your OP (which is absolutely fine for your privacy), so I'm sharing from my own circumstances how I've dialled down on feeling the pressure.

I don't know if she has additional needs.
Her dad has ADHD
Although school has referred her for autism because of what I said about her recent behaviour at home. I really don't know.
Yes I believe she needs help managing her emotions.
Me and her dad have been split up for years.
I don't think she's angry about him not being around but I know she misses him and would rather he lives here all the time.

I think she knows she's loved and everything and we are very close and she's lovely (apart from when this happens)

Thank you so much for replying

OP posts:

Original poster

purpleme12 · 13/08/2022 22:06

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/08/2022 22:00

Only to say I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds so hard.

Please do reach out and get help though, through GP and school. No one will think badly of you and you need it. Also talk to the GP about your own health.

also you aren’t doing a bad job - you are going a good job in tough circumstances.

Thank you so much.

I feel so alone. There is no one to urge me on or back me up or encourage me. I just carry on. Sometimes I feel like I carry on just cos I have to

OP posts:

illbeinthegarden · 13/08/2022 22:17

My ds has autism and around 8 used to be violent and have massive meltdowns... It was a tough time but it didn't last. I always thought it was around the onset of puberty maybe 🤔

Can you link in with support groups of other lone parents? I'm sure you're doing a grand job but it's really tough at times. I am a single parent to 3, 2 with asd. It's hard going. It won't always feel this hard though.

Original poster

purpleme12 · 14/08/2022 22:28

Sometimes I think if she gets a diagnosis at least then it can't be my fault.
How ridiculous is that.

I don't know any lone parent support groups 😞.
I don't even know if anyone else feels like this

OP posts:

JanglyBeads · 14/08/2022 23:29

Most lone parents feel like you do at some point, especially if there are issues like SEN /violence as well.

You could try Googling "single parent support (county or district name)", or you could contact the school parent support advisor or nurse maybe? Or via GP.