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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Need some help, feeling overwhelmed

9 replies

Redruby2020 · 31/07/2022 10:44

Hi all, hopefully any responses I get will be good ones, I mean that as in it can be hit and miss when talking about being a single parent. Because many will say 'well I done it had 3, worked full time, owned my own house etc' Okay I take my hat off to those parents, but I don't know their personal situation and history.

Myself and my DC have lived nearly 2yrs as just the two of us now, some things were easier and harder prior to daycare becoming a possibility. Now I find the free time I have goes so quickly. I am fortunate as I am made to feel by some, that my DC see's their father at weekends. Still struggling with him not sharing holiday's.

I just feel like as time has gone on, the responsibilities have hiked up, the chores, the admin, things indoors. I'm in the middle of sorting school stuff out/buying uniform and organising it in DC room. I have had to use the wardrobes to store things of mine in, like boxes from moving that still have things in 🤦‍♀️ because I have nowhere else to put them, in the bigger wardrobe there are my files as in from previous study etc and other paperwork. Ideally this wardrobe needs to be cleared out so it can be fully used for school stuff as it is the bigger one out of the two(might sound generous, they aren't, property came furnished but if any of you have experienced that, they are cheap small flimsy furniture items. But still greatful to not of had to of bought stuff, as housing situation is very unpredictable.

But now I need to move them because a chest that sits next to them was dangerous if you opened a drawer the whole thing fell down, so I had it secured to the wall for safety. So unless I get that removed to push the wardrobes down as there is a drawer at the bottom of the bigger one, which i would like to be able to use, then I will have to pull the two wardrobes out and swap them around, I will then be able to open the drawer. As it is blocked by an electrical box thing where it currently is.

But the reason I mention the above, is because this is what reminds me of how crap it is with no man around, someone to help lift/carry/move things. Do DIY etc. I do know guys that could do things, but not that I necessarily want coming in to my home.

So then I think about looking for an actual person who does these things for a living, but then how much will that cost 🤦‍♀️ and you'd want to obviously save up the jobs so things can be done over a short period of time, otherwise it costs for many, every time they come out.
Well the management company who look after the property, the guys they use to do work for them certainly work like that!

I have high blood pressure it seems, and stress etc is not helping sometimes I feel like my chest is feeling tight/pressure etc and I remind myself I need to be careful as I will be no good for anything if anything happened to me.

Please be kind, and i would love to hear from single parents, mother's in particular how you cope.

Thankyou 😇

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
bluebell34567 · 31/07/2022 10:50

wouldnt the dc's dad do that? after all it is for his dc, too.

Redruby2020 · 31/07/2022 20:30

bluebell34567 · 31/07/2022 10:50

wouldnt the dc's dad do that? after all it is for his dc, too.

Do what? The wardrobe or diy you mean. We are separated, he's not allowed to know my address.

OP posts:
Palg68 · 31/07/2022 20:45

Hi OP.

Do you work full time? Could you reduce your hours down.

I'm part time and I absolutely know the feeling of running round doing everything. Its a shame that the majority of fathers don't take their kids on Weekends regularly so yes I agree with you it does seem like that to those mums that are in a less fortunate position.

Does your ex pay for your DC? Just pay a company there's some reasonably priced people out there I rember hiring someone for DS nursery furniture they did a fabulous job and it took the pressure off me. You only get one life spend the money if you can afford it.

theniceunderstandingone · 01/08/2022 01:23

Hmmm sorry I don't have any proper advice because this sounds exactly like me lol

My middle sons dad is rubbish with DIY so no point in asking him
Everything in my home I have built myself, fitted the washing machine, bulbs, plugs all car maintenance and like you said there are some guys you could ask but you don't want them in your home. With me the (2) men I know would want payment in another way wink wink so I don't bother to ask them.

It gets very lonely and frustrating but then I think of the alternative or the hoops I'd have to jump through just to get things done so I just handle it all on my own.

Have you tried check a trade . Com. You might find a reasonably priced handyman on there

theniceunderstandingone · 01/08/2022 01:25

Oh and how I cope is by crying a shit load, moan to my mum for half hour and then wipe my tears blow my nose and crack on

You can do it though. You are made of strong stuff OP 😊

Hereforaccountability · 03/08/2022 14:21

No advice but you're not alone. I walk around with a perpetual resentful commentary in my head, and can feel my pulse rising when I write out my list of things to do every morning (nearly a full A4 page sometimes, not including paid work).

I have happy times too. But I just think horrible situations are horrible situations, and you can't force yourself to feel good about bad things.

In terms of handymen I've found most don't turn up, and the ones who do are either low-key sleazy or upfront and ask me out. For protection, I often invent an imaginary husband who hoped to do the DIY but is "too busy with his job", for extra fun I sometimes add "in the military" or "at the fire station". Ho ho.

BlackeyedSusan · 03/08/2022 15:14

All the bloody crap of organising stuff is bloody hard when you are doing it all yourself.

Advice break it down into chunks. What is urgent/ important? What else can be let slide to make time and energy to do/payfor/organise the most urgent stuff?

BlackeyedSusan · 03/08/2022 15:14

(says insisting in a crappy flat)

Lightning020 · 25/08/2022 13:53

A bit late to the thread here but if you put a message on Spotted for your area on Facebook you will get names of handymen who are recommended by people in your neighbourhood.

I have had no problem with these turning up either. Eg Spotted Cambridge just search on facebook you send Spotted a message then they put it on their page once they approve it.

I do agree most do not show up or do not even get back to you but not if you get personal recommendations. HTH.

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