Please send help

[ohwhatfreshhellisthisnow]

It's day 2 of the holidays, I am exhausted after the end of term (teacher), dd4 currently screaming her head off upstairs as I won't make her a bloody milkshake (I've never made her a bloody milkshake!!!!) and she's thirsty.

I've given her her water bottle that she's just thrown across the room, so I've told her we can't see friends tomorrow as a result of her behaviour, which has now escalated the situation. Pretty sure all the neighbours can hear her screaming, have heard me shout etc.

Six weeks of this. Six fucking weeks. I've got no support, no help at all. No break. She's normally a really good kid, this is quite out of character, but fuck me, this is horrible. I can literally feel the stress (which is already bloody there) completely flooding my body.

She's still screaming, I've just gone and screamed into a pillow.

When you say DD4 do you mean she is four years old, or your fourth daughter? She is likely out of sorts as it’s holidays and hot and her routine is all upside down. I realise that doesn’t make it easier for you! I’m not sure whether this is good parenting, but I’ve lain down beside my DD and cried my eyes out too. Just said to her, “Mummy is also frustrated and sad!”

Sending you a hug, OP 🤗

It’s hard you are not alone I hate the 6 weeks I’m on my own too no friends no family no ex, 4 kids though 😣

She is four. And I know she's overwhelmed as it was her last day of preschool on Friday and she's starting reception at a new school in sept.

But I try so hard to make sure that she has a good life, despite her abusive father (thankfully not allowed contact), and feel like I try to overcompensate for her, missing out on a 'proper' family (and that's my hang up I know!!)

It's just so so so hard, when you are literally on your knees yourself. I know I have been unnecessary snappy, and short tempered, and literally 99% of the time she's a very good natured kid, but I just have no idea how to deal with this sort of shit, especially when we actually had a lovely day, play date, then out to a local playground and for ice cream etc.

Deep breathe! It's ok! This too shall pass!
4 year olds are hard work, take it as it comes tonight. Tomorrow is a new day and all that. No real advice to give other then when my daughter did this ( which she did many times) I used to try and distract her - ignoring the behaviour never worked with her and neither did shouting at her. Hang in there! You're doing a great job x

Thank you for your kind comments. Feeling like the worst mother ever. She's finally gone to sleep, exhausted no doubt from crying.

We had a cuddle, she apologised for throwing the bottle, i apologised for shouting. Ugh. Feeling terrible now. She's only little still.

You know where you reach the point where you think 'I didn't bloody well sign up for this?!'. And now feel like a selfish cow because I am really upset that my evening has gone. That's the only break I get, when she's asleep. I spend the whole of term time feeling guilty when I only see her basically for about two hours in the evening,to thinking what the Fuck am I gonna do for six weeks with constant parenting.

Very hard I know. Is it possible she's coming down with something? Mine used to do this sometimes, then two days later they'd start with a temperature, or a sore throat or something. A bit of Calpol possibly wouldn't hurt? Hope you're both ok.

Fellow single mum, I know how it is!

Take some long slow deep breaths and tend to yourself. Your DD is safe and can wait. Reset yourself.

It won’t be like this the whole holidays, it’s just a moment in time.

Do you want to see friends tomorrow? It’s an awfully long time away for a 4yr old in terms of a consequence, and okay to change your mind, so if you think it’ll do you both some good to get out tomorrow and see friends then do it.

Btw can you have a Google tonight and see if there are any holiday clubs or activities etc that you can send her to during the holidays? Churches, council run things, etc - my DS’s school just sent details of a few local things that are pretty cheap. Even if it’s only a morning here and there it’ll give you some head space and you can look forward to getting a coffee or something in peace! It’s very intense when you’re in your own so grab any respite you can.

Just remeber you are exhausted she is a bit overwhelmed.. Leaving is made much bigger in pre school which is lovely but adds lots of emotions.

New start new day...remember you manage 30 children a day but your own can press your buttons like no other.

So low key days at home will get you both in your grove. Despite the opinion of many on soft play they are fabulous for giving you a bit of space while they run round

Yes, I do want to see friends tomorrow, as otherwise I will be losing my mind being stuck in the house!! Have told friend about bloody disaster of an evening, and she has been all lovely and supportive.

Will try and frame it as if she gets up nicely and has breakfast etc we can still go.

Honestly, this is the hardest thing in the world. Literally the hardest.

She’s probably exhausted, stressed at leaving preschool, the unknown awaits…
don’t beat yourself up.
If you want to meet up with friends, do it. Give her a chance to earn it back?
Say, I think we’re both sorry, let’s start again.
I’m sure you are doing a great job.

Don’t tie yourself up in ifs / thens. You both need the the trip out for a change of scene and supportive company to meet both of your needs. If you hold it over DD as a bribe/consequence it sets you both up for failure if she does anything to not ‘earn’ it and you lose out too.

It might be easier to set really realistic consequences for behaviour eg with the water bottle, the natural consequence is that she has to clean up her mess and learn a different way to express anger.

No, you are all right. I didn't handle it very well this evening. I accept that. But sometimes you just can't see the wood for bloody trees.

Had a look at some summer camp options/days, but as we are in London, they are all £££, and financially I am screwed. Father is apparently still claiming benefits (for the last four years 🙄) so only cm I get is circa £26 a month. Fabulous. My wage is pitiful for my experience etc.

Guess I am just raging at the universe this evening....

However, as Scarlett O'Hara says... 'tomorrow is another day'... fingers crossed.

You got this. None of us are perfect and I'm permanently tired. I work or I'm with the kids.

I'm sure it will be forgotten tomorrow. I know you want the peaceful evening for some respite but I make sure I go to bed for nine. It sucks but it's the only way I get enough sleep.

On a side note my sister use to give her dd milk with food dye in it. She was none the wiser.

However, as Scarlett O'Hara says... 'tomorrow is another day'... fingers crossed.

yes! Hope it’s an enjoyable one

<joins in> look on the bright side, you got to day two before it went shit. even technically before the end of term as they let them out at lunch time and the last day of term was an inset day. I normally like summer holidays to avoid the school run so this year was a bit of a shock.

It started to improve on day three. I am hoping that 6 hours of football today will make the teen sleep before 2 am, and that having been habituated to not sleeping until two am that I can actually go to sleep at a decent hour too.

<yawn>

PS: I hope your visit to friends went well and you are beginning to settle into the new holiday routine.