ExP and access to DS - sorry everyone im even boring myself with my problems now !

[lottymadbird]

So... given up on trying to get any money out of exP (before i drive myself into an early grave!) but am now trying to sort out when he sees DS.

exP lives in France, doesnt have a job but is currently doing up a house in France (well builders are doing up he's supervising).

He says he cannot commit to any regular dates to come and see DS because he may need to be in France for something thats going on with the builders.

In the past this has mean leaving it months before seeing DS and now DS is getting to an age where he gets upset if he doesn't see exP for ages.

Is it unreasonable for me to expect him to commit to a set schedule of dates (every 4 weeks) rather than let him turn up whenever he likes? He thinks im being totally unreasonable.

Not unreasonable at all but from what you say it might be a pointless exercise - would having a set schedule actually mean your ex would stick to it? It might just give your DS false hope and end up with a lot of disappointment.
I have no better ideas, though - just lots of sympathy. He sounds like a right tosser.

ha ha that made me laugh, he is a right tosser but thanks for that, nice to know im not the only one who thinks so !

i wouldnt tell DS he was coming until he actually turned up cos he is very unreliable but the point of it would be that it wouldnt be months between visits.

as to whether he would stick to it... hmm... who knows?

I've had this with my ex, we battled over it for a long time. I wanted set dates every four weeks for visits, he maintained he couldn't possibly stick to it.
We've settled now into a compromise. I don't insist he comes every four weeks religiously but instead that he sees DD no less than once every six iyswim. There's never actually been a six week period yet but it allows him to work around other stuff without me being on his back and I don't get stressed about it any more!
Visits atm are ranging between three and five weeks and that works for us

Forgot to mention ex doesn't live in this country hence the four week visiting thing.
I also insist that when he's going to come I get a weeks notice, he usually just emails me his flight confirmations.

That sounds good bored - seems like a good compromise.

My ex stated that he couldn't do weekdays because he couldn't travel and he couldn't do weekends because the ferry was too expensive - he could have got a 1hr flight for £80 and got a bus!!

Some men are just weird - hopefully something like Bored's solution is an idea?