so if you are separated or getting divorced

[TLV]

do you have your soon to be xdh stay over so they can see the kids, is this a common thing to do?

no way

when we first split he did stay but he then refused to leave and got abusive and i ended up calling he police, so not any more

No way, but he lives pretty near so can get round easily.

No

I can't even stand xp visiting them here now tbh.

nope!

my dh is coming to stay over probably once a week to see dd (counsellor suggested it) tho he did at one point say he never wanted to be in the same house as me, wondered how many other separated couples did this, well dh is only 15mins away by car so not that far away

If he is only 15 min away by car, then why does he need to stay over ? Can he not leave once your dd has gone to bed ??

Not sure why thw counsellor suggested it tbh as in my opinion it could confuse your dd, how old is she ?

no chance i hate it if he even steps into house>>>>> this is my space

2.5 tho i think the counsellor sees that there may be feeling left and maybe this is a step in the direction to us reconcilling, could be totally off the mark with this tho as he could also take her to stay with him at his mums

No, it's a bad idea imo. Once the kids are asleep, then what? Chit chat on the sofa? It would be too easy to fall into old familiar habits. He's only 15 minutes away by car, there is absolutely no reason. You need a clean break and boundaries.

agree with omdb

He did a few times when we first split, but you are right once the kids went to bed it was crap, i ended up putting a telly in my room as I thought it might be a long term thing, was going to make a cupboard downstairs for his clothes etc. BUT I soon realised this was a bad idea and he didn't want to be there anyway, I was just trying to hold it all together.

Now things have all settled down I could have him overnight if he was going to have the kids out late, or planning an early start. He stayed over on Christmas eve.

Ieven make him knock and wait until I anser the door, even though he has a key. If he is bringing the kids back he just walks in with them of course. He found that strange at first but I think he realised it was about setting boundries after the fuzzy way we started when he first left.

A key?

I made exh give mine back as I was out one day, came home and caught him rummaging in my address book / diary! Absolutely no permission to be in my bedroom, let alone in my house.

Absolutely no way does he ever stay over. I hate him even being on my doorstep.

Bad idea IMVHO, makes it too confusing for your LO's

not sure what to do now, regardless whether he sleeps in the bed or sofa dd will know he is here and it probably will confuse her, tonight has been the most settled i've felt since he left (does this mean i'm getting used to it?)

You will get used to it.

I am starting to feel settled now, exH left last Sept (after me finding out he was having an affair). This past couple of days I have realised I am the happiest I have felt in years . I no longer have exH living here and pretending he is any use as a husband. Someone did comment just before Christmas they have never seen me smile so much.

A lot of it seems to be actually getting over the initial shock, I didn't see it coming.
Then it was about facing up to the future.
Then it was about taking back control and responsibility and getting orgainised.
Now it is about relaxing and enjoying my life again .

Yes he does have a key, he looks after the kids here sometimes if I am away working and needs to get in the house if I am not back yet, nothing diferent in the house from before he left. I do keep new documents about my tax credits and stuff hidden away. I think its best he doesn't see what I get .