Single mum, end of maternity leave

[laurdi]

Hi everyone

Wondering what the best thing is for me to do.

Im a single mum of DS 6 and DD nearly 9 months. Maternity leave coming to an end (I've taken a year) so trying to decide my next steps. Options are

A. Return to work (receptionist) part time, using nursery for baby and trying to fit in with school hours as much as possible, possibly using after school clubs too

Nursery fees are around the same per hour as what I earn
45min commute each way.
She has CMPA and is extremely clingy so nervous to leave her but also it may be good for us? My work will want me to do a 6.30pm finish on a Friday (meaning home at 7.30pm) which I don't think I'm happy to do. so returning will be dependent on them being flexible with this.

Or

B. Not go back to work at all, relying on universal credit payments until baby is 2 and I will get help with childcare costs and can find another part time job then
Less money (I will just scrape by) but it's temporary.. October is also when I start year 3 of my degree so I will have more time to focus on this if I don't go back to work which may be better for long term?

The kids dad cannot be relied on for childcare and does not pay maintenance (has been unemployed- he's just landed a job with very good pay but I'm not counting maintenance in my calculations as i can't rely on it if he quits his job etc).

Any experiences or suggestions?
Part of me says you'll never get this time back with baby.. spend another year with her and focusing on studying, building my future
Other part of me wants to earn an income (albeit a small one after nursery fees, petrol for commute etc) and have some adult conversation

I don’t have an answer to your question but just want to bemoan the fact that men can always get away with taking the bare minimum responsibility. It’s so outrageous! Good luck with your decision. I think I’d try to go with time rather than career right now, but it’s a very personal choice.

You could maybe ask your employer to extend your leave (unpaid) until May, holding the job for you so you can upskill and your DD will be a bit more independent?

I think stay employed, 100%. We are likely tipping into recession and imagine if your child gets to 2 and you struggle to find a job and get ‘stuck’ on UC.

I also think that work is a helpful re-balancer and I personally like returning. Especially lunch breaks, time completely to yourself! Oh and uninterrupted toilet breaks.

I think you’ll offer yourself and your family more financial stability during worrying times if you stay at work.

I would go back to work, you say it’s part time so I assume you still get plenty of time with your DD?

Look to negotiate more flexibility for your return if you need it. Or it’s much easier to find another job when you already have one! Perhaps go back but look for a different role that could be more flexible or that pay more.

We don’t really know what’s coming from a cost of living/recession point of view for the next few years. I would want to stay in a job because of the risk associated with that.

B - Personally I would go with time with your child and studying - if your degree will bring good job prospects?

All the best with your decision.

Will you not get help with childcare costs from UC. Have you done benefit check with working and not working?

If you went back to work part time you would be eligible for UC top up. You would then be able to claim back 85% of your childcare costs through UC.

I'd do B if you can afford it. But it's your choice.

@User135792468 this is exactly what the welfare system is for. The op is a single parent, probably not through choice. If you want to blame someone, blame the ‘dad’ who has left her in this situation. Or blame the complete imbalance between wages and nursery fees that make it so difficult for single parents to work. Also, you probably think you pay for other people’s benefits but unless you’re an extremely high earner most people take far more out of the system than they put in whether they’re on benefits or not. Cost of healthcare, education etc.

@laurdi work is good for your mental health so I would probably go back part time. UC should help with childcare. Can you continue with your degree in October while working?

In your position I would speak to work and try to renegotiate working hours or look for a new job where you can choose your hours.

most childcare you pay x per day and so ideally you are trying to negotiate working every hour available within that time to maximise that income.....

do you have any family support or does the kids dad see them on a fixed schedule ? Any hours you can do during this time would also be a win!

Oh get in the bin. Sometimes the cost of working is just outweighed by the cost of childcare, especially for a single parent. The OP has been let down by the father of her children, it’s not her fault she can’t rely on maintenance payments from someone who can’t hold down a job. She is also mid way through a degree which is no small undertaking as a single parent. Presumably this will make her more employable once completed.

OP - you should do whatever leaves you better off financially to support your children. If this is option B then do it. Good luck with the final year of your degree.

Maybe look for another suitable job within this maternity leave as you can get universal credit childcare costs back if you work. I tried the whole staying home and the money was pretty diabolical so I went back to work and it works put better for all of us.

Op please ignore unintelligent people like this.

Most definitely B.

university will help with childcare by paying 85% and it’s a grant. Once you have finished you degree it will certainly open your job choices up.

relax with your baby, study hard and enjoy this year that’s what I would do.

Goodluck op whatever you decide

OP may not get UC if she applied now due to earnings and (presumably) student finance. If she has the childcare grant already (or is eligible for it) then she wouldn’t be able to claim childcare costs through UC

It’s tough OP (having been a single mum before I met DH it’s so difficult trying to balance childcare, costs and hours) but if you can I’d stay in work. The cost of living crisis is looking like it will just get worse and I wouldn’t trust the government to make sure UC will enough.

100% stay in work, it’s so much more difficult to find a job around children than to get flexibility in the job you already have. Couldn’t imagine anything much worse than being stuck on UC in a recession. Can’t you get a childminder who will have the little one and do pick ups for the older one, as a single parent you will get help with the cost from uni or from UC

Have you checked whether you would be eligible for uc when working? That would cover some of your childcare costs.

Ultimately, whatever you do, if resigning dont resign until with effect from one year from when you took maternity leave as you've accrued annual leave a d that will be paid to you on leaving. It would be an equivalent of a years worth of annual leave.

Do you rent? Have you done the calculations so you know what you'd be living on re uc? Are you claiming the healthy vouchers?

Personally, I'd be making a claim directly to child maintenance if he hasn't already been paying. If he has, then ask for a review re the amount now he has a better job. Give him a week to be reasonable, if not then apply to cms.

I wouldn't have put it like that, but I do agree.

Morally, you should go back to work. You'll see the benefit longer term - your salary will increase and childcare costs will decrease.

Why did you have another baby knowing that the father couldn't/wouldn't contribute to the cost? What were your plans for financing your family when you decided to have a second child? And why have you not thought about this and come up with a plan during tje last 18 months (pregnancy/mat leave). It all seems a bit last minute.

A, it may not make a lot of difference financially right now, but it may be much harder for you to find a job when you want to go back to work in the future if you stop working now.

@laurdi
And Fwiw, I was a sahm with my lo until school and I don't regret a moment of it. Best decision ever. So I wouldn't be swayed solely by the opinion of those who didn't like being with their children 247 either.

As for work, I literally walked straight back into a role after the time with my child.

I think B.

I found it really hard working until early evening with two dc as a single parent. Part-time or school hours was manageable but still hard with childcare.

I would say definitely use that time to study and prepare for work/a career in a year or two.

I have to agree with this , UC should be for those who can't work/ looking for work. Not a lifestyle choice.

Unfortunately, that maybe how it should work, but often isn't. If she never gets into a role significantly above Nmw or the roles that she gets require significant wraparound for two children will mean that her childcare costs as a lone parent don't go down as significantly as you perceive. I know lone parents paying £25 for ASC and £10 for BC for one child. That's not a lot different to FT preschool childcare rates.

Morally, that's your perspective. If she had no intention of ever working, maybe. But she does intend to work.

And the reason the system is there and allows for lone parents to not even prepare for work until the child is 3,is because the government acknowledges that this is best for many families and children. And I don't think that it's fair to guilt trip her to consider or take this option.
As for how she ended up a lone parent, that's irrelevant. It's where she's at. End of.

I would reluctantly say A. I've been a lone parent since maternity leave no.2 and went back to work. If you have family to help you should wing it. If you keep employed with the same employer you should then be entitled to unpaid parental leave when you need time off for school holidays.

You should get UC help towards childcare though. I used to get £1k a month from tax credits for childcare. To be honest, I've cost the country more by working but that's how it goes.