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resentful of ex husband

5 replies

Thursday123 · 14/07/2022 13:28

I am very resentful of my ex-husband.

Here is the situation - he has the children only a few nights a month, does pay maintenance, but this is a relatively small sum and not at all in keeping with the lifestyle he has. I work full time and provide the children with everything they need.

I have brought up the children largely single handed.
Years tick by and he now likes to brag about the kid’s successes when they are there, when he has had no input. Any negative issues are my fault. He has always criticised me, and continues to do this to the children, the little he sees them. e.g kids haven't had the right dinner, haircut ect. I am content there is no basis for this criticism, past the normal ebb and flow of parenting.

The children don’t really see much wrong in him, as it’s what they have always known. I feel resentful of that, as I know they deserved much better.

Also, I have all the daily rigours to contend with while he looks like a fun dad the little, he sees the kids. When he turns up to events with the kids, he makes a big show - offering hollow words of advice to the kids.

The resentment of the situation is making me bitter. Any advice?

OP posts:
TiredInPerpetuity · 14/07/2022 13:31

How old are your kids?

I was the kid in your scenario and I realised about 13/14 the truth of the situation. That my mum was my constant and worked to provide me with everything I needed and who fed me and brought my clothes and sorted our school, dance classes etc etc.

So maybe just know that in time, your kids will understand and appreciate you so much. I still love my dad but fully accept he's an absolute waster of a parent

Heroicallyl0st · 14/07/2022 13:36

Stop giving him attention in your mind.

if you’re jealous/annoyed about something he does or the comparison between your life and his, ask yourself what you’re lacking in your own life and how you can go about giving yourself that.

eg if you’re jealous of his freedom, build more freedom into your life - book a babysitter and enjoy a night out, or rearrange your work/childcare so you get regular time to yourself.

Don’t spend your life looking at how good other people have it - that’s not within your control. Focus on what you can control and the anger/resentment that comes from comparison will stop flaring up.

Thursday123 · 14/07/2022 13:38

Thank you for your reply and advice.

The children are not far off the age you say they might realise the situation. Hopefully I wont be totally bitter by then 😊

OP posts:
Thursday123 · 14/07/2022 13:40

Heroicallyl0st

This is very true - a good reminder
thank you

OP posts:
BeNice01 · 21/07/2022 21:40

It’s ok to feel resentful. We all do at some point in your lives. Well done for acknowledging the emotions.

Are you fulfilled in life when the children are with their dad? Do you have hobbies, friends or a partner to keep your mind occupied?

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