Single mum, loneliness, dating disasters

[GemmaC87]

Don't know where to start. I'm a single mum
to a 4 year old boy. My marriage broke down
3 years ago. I've been on dating sites dated
a couple of men. Not worked out. I just feel
low, Miserable, all the time question myself
what is wrong with me, why do I fall for the
wrong ones. I feel alone and down all the
time.
Don't know what to do with myself I've got
no hobbies or interests. Always constantly
tired. I sound like a right moaner. Sorry x

It can be so consuming when you are a single parent. Is your lo in school? Do you get some time to yourself?

It's so hard to get out of. Rut. And dating is a tricky thing when you add children to the mix. I see it more as a hobby. Talking and getting to know to new people. And sadly still single. But it's ok with me.

Make time for yourself. And the rest will fall into place at some point

I agree with unicorn with dating being like a hobby, I date in my spare time, have met some lovely people but being a mum comes first and I find being in a relationship whilst I have dc really hard work. My dc are teens now and I’m starting to think that I will be able to have a relationship soon. I have been single for 5/6 years but have dated, had several short relationships and made several friends. I enjoy meeting new people, going out for a walk, a meal or whatever but I can’t really do more than that.

Could you get a hobby or join a local group? I totally get how lonely it is, I often feel lonely but being in a relationship can also be lonely. I think it’s more about filling your time and keeping busy, making friends and going on occasional dates.

Hello single mum here of 3DCs from when my youngest was 9 months
My exH does or pays v little lungs t he disappeared 5 years ago to defie a court order of CM

Very few of us intended to be single parents
Hobbies do go by the wayside so you have to find new hobbies once you are even a bit less tired. Or groups of other mums in similar situation

One thing I want to tell you is that you don't need a man or a relationship. It's lovely if you find one when you are ready.
But when you can just "be" by yourself without defining yourself by a love interest, then that's when you are ready to start dating again.

You sound too hurt at the moment. Which means you will give those new partners you find too much power over you. You have to start from an equal place that you're pretty Damn fine! And they are lucky to be dating you.

i think it is healthy to refocus on being single TBH. Not everyone's idea of perfect but once you accept it, life becomes much easier. Ways of improving your life: start a business, pursue your creative endeavours, fitness focus, make your home lovely etc - focus on making things the best for you and your DC. Then if someone comes along it's a happy accident and graet. I am so much happier single now I've accepted it. I've stopped trying to date (at least for the moment) but am open to it in the future. But for now my life is much more important. Plus - I barely have time for me and DC let alone a man as well!

Thank you for replying.
The thing is sounds weird but I don't know how to love myself. Nothing interests me anymore either hobby's
Like I'm not confident anymore, don't really like going out on my own. I'm a walking mess 🤦🏻‍♀️

In a similar position to you, OP, except been single 6yrs after DH died and don’t feel so despondent about it these days!

I once read - which I think is very true - that desire and creativity can be increased by doing small things. So even if you don’t feel like it, try picking little things that you might like to do or create - could be bake a cake! It might give you just a tiny bit of enjoyment or a sense of achievement and you can gradually build on that.

but don’t push yourself too hard - sometimes in life we just need time to rest and grieve and that’s okay too.

Mine sounds so petty to yours though. I'm no good with break ups or being on my own I need to learn and do stuff for me. But don't know where to start. But think your right little things at a time. Like went out today with a mate felt good. I need to try and get out tomorrow on my own for a walk or something. X

There’s no point comparing - you just feel how you feel

A walk sounds like a great start, is there somewhere pretty you can go? Look out for roses in people’s gardens and stop and smell them maybe - start small!

I've spent years grieving the lost of my relationship and all that it entailed. Covid didn't help but this year I decided to be more proactive. Say yes more to the kids. Make the pancakes. Play the board games etc. do one deep cleaning job a week. We all go swimming at the weekend. And I joined a ladies running group. I'm am absolutely no runner there was more walking at the start but i have slowly improved and can get more running than walking in now. These small changes help me feel more in control of my life rather than just mindless drifting and feeling more present

I'd love to have someone else in my life but it has to be the absolutely right person otherwise I'd rather not waste my time. My parents are getting older. My kids will be more independent in a few years. This time is very very precious and that is my priority.

I've dated over the last few years because I wanted to be needed and validated. I was vulnerable and could of easily fallen into another bad relationship. Fortunately that didn't happen and I have had time to heal and be ok on my own. If something comes a long so be it but for now I'm at peace with where I'm at.