Need Help with my girls father and him wanting them overnight.

[cherrybakewell82]

I am not sure where to turn with this and am hoping someone can help me.

My Ex and girls father, whom does not really speak to me anymore after I broke our relationship up after almost 9 years due to my own health and feeling like I had 3 kids and not 2 girls and a partner because he had no interaction with the girls through fault of his own. Wants to now have the girls in August (6 weeks holidays) for 5/6 days 10th to 15th Aug over night at his parents home where he lives.

Points to know

1. He chose to move out of the area and back to his mothers 140 miles away from where we all lived.


2. He only has the girls once a month usually for about 5 or 6 hours that day. (during covid he didn't see them for a good few months due to lockdowns and area differences)


3. We agreed for him to skype/video call the girls every Monday and Friday but when its not convenient for him he chooses not to call until the following set day for reasons of he is busy.. I only change this arrangement when the girls are invited to friends houses and or parties etc, but I always try to offer another day if that's the case.


4. He wont give me any information on how much he earns or anything regarding child maintenance and see's fit to just give me the minimum total he needs to pay me.


5. he doesn't and wont help financially towards anything the kids need for extra curricular activities eg my eldest went to Arthog and I asked if he could help pay towards it so I didn't have to get it cheaper than other families he didn't want to help me without receipts. It's never about the kids its about me he doesn't want to help but is too selfish to see by doing that the kids can potentially loose out.


6. I have a new partner now and am expecting a baby in October which he knows about


7. Our daughters are 10 and 4 the 10 year old isn't bothered about going and don't really want to. The 4 year old has behaviour difficulties and is over stimulated 90% of the time and is starting Primary School in September which is a massive thing for her. I am worried the routine changes will effect her negatively again this time.


8. When the girls last stayed with him for a week the youngest didn't poo for 5 days which he didn't even seem to think was a problem and ended up being 7 days to poo once home and it was up to me to deal with the aftermath and she is now still to this day having to need medicine to help with her bowels which was over 2 years ago pre covid times.


9. She also suffers night terrors some nights and I have to be up till all hours


10. He does not understand the full amount I do for these girls on my own every day but thinks its ok to pick and choose when its ok for him to have them.

Oo hopefully you have managed to read to the end here and can help me or know where I can get help about this and or if you think I am wrong or being unreasonable in not wanting the girls to stay over so far away from home for this amount of time in a unfamiliar place without me which they never do. which also is 5/6 weeks from my due date also.

Sorry for the long post I just don't know what to do anymore its so upsetting for me and I really don't need the stress being almost 7 months pregnant x

How is it that he has them so little ?

It sounds positive to me that a parents wants to spend time with their dc, and that they want them to spend time with their Grandparents.

I know it is difficult when two adults don't get on, but from the dcs pov you should be encouraging and facilitating the relationship with their father and grandparents - obviously unless he has been abusive to them or is an addict or something, which I presume you would have mentioned.

Most of that is not relevant. He wants to see the children. The children want to spend time with him. It is good it is at his parents there are other adults who are hopefully good with the children.

He is allowed to be a rubbish dad. The kids won't care, it's their dad. Mine think the sun shines out of my ex. He pays nothing in years toward the kids. And has had very sporadic contact until very recently. They are just pleased to see him. I think he is a complete tit. But then I would.

Have you gone through the CMS for money so you know you are getting what you should. Sadly the minimum doesn't cover a lot but at least then it's in their hands,

Honest summary of what life is like for some separated parents: The ex isn't a perfect parent or you might not get along with them, however the children have the right to spend time with them.

At least the children will be staying in a house with two other adults. Family court would order extended contact with their dad unless the children are at risk of harm in his care.

I recommend that the OP send the dad an email with helpful notes about each child, packs a suitcase of toys or other cherished belongings.

It sounds more out you and him rather than him and the kids .