please tell me its gets better.....

[karenanne]

my partner and i split in september me and 2 kids moved back in with parents.we decided to stay friends and do as much together with the kids as we could without confusing them.i did actually start a thread can we still be friends on lone parents thread.after two weeks he said he still wanted me but for us to go back to datingg and taking it slowly so at wekends we'd be a proper family and stay at his .we decided to sell his place and move to have a fresh start but suddenly last weekend hestold me he'd met someone else an 18 year old(hes 29).so now me and kids are devastated again.
i hurt ,im angry i know we have to be friends for the kids but all i can think is that his is how our life is going to be .i have no friends ,my daughters school playground is crammed full of cliquey mums and after coming out of a 10 year relationship ive lost touch with all my old friends .my family are great and are really supportive but i feel ive not got anyone for me .
kids are dealing with it quite well but me im a wreck .i dont want him back after doing this to us twice-thats quite enough thank you lol,but it still hurts .
i just want this pain and hurt to be over and to be able to move on and to be able to see him face to face without coming across as a sad pathetic thing.to show him im strong and that he cant hurt me anymore and i want this asap.
any one have any miracle cures for this lol

karenanne, no miracle cures I am afraid but {{{hugs}}}... To split up and then keep you hanging on and then doing this to you is unforgivable and cruel. No wonder you hurt. This is a grieving process for you and it will take time, courage and strength but it will happen. One day, at some point you do realise that you've not thought about it for several hours, a day, a few days or whatever and it is a shock because you never thought you would.

This is early days for you don't be hard on yourself be kind. It is good that your family are being so supportive. Relate do counsel individuals who have just some out of a relationship and there are plenty of books about rebuilding your lives after relationship breakdowns which often is about learning to love yourself and regaining ones self esteem.

Have you sorted out all of the practicalities i.e finances etc.? How long are you planning to live at your parents?

Concentrate on you and the children. He doesn't deserve you.

Trying to think of ways you can meet people. Maybe contact the local gingerbread group would be a start and maybe they can offer you practical support too.

Best wishes.

Karenanne,

It absolutely does get better 100% but it will take time.

Firslty the you don't have to be friends, you be polite/civil/amicable in front of the kids but you don't have to be 'friends'.

Secondly, the old friends you've lost contact with - were you particularly close to any one of them? if so couldyou call or email (through friends reunited or something) apologise for losing touch and ask if they fancied meeting for a drink sometime as you think it would be nice to rekindle the friendship.

Like Winnie says, I 've heard gingerbread are good but I've never tried one of their groups as they are all during the week and I work. How old are you children? are they both school aged? Could you take them to a group where you might meet other parent s (brownies/dance class/mums and tots etc)

Also where abouts are you? there might be a MN meetup somewhere near you?? or at least another mumsnetter.

Sorry no quick fixes but hang in there and sooner or later you'll wonder what you ever needed a man for in the first place

Karenanne
All i can say is that is does and will get better. As has been said already it is unforgiveable the way he has treated you and I am glad that you say you will not be letting him do that again.
Excellent that you have family support too.
How about thinking what you really want out of life? Do you want to work? When I split up with father of my son it was the lowest point of my life, but I found the courage to move forward by planning for the future. You will be of course entitled to benefits and it would be a wise move to sort this out now, I am sure you will feel more secure. And think about housing situation.

If you think of re-training, I took a 1 year course which was 3 days a week. I got NEw Deal for Lone parents which means that I got childcare paid for, books, travel expenses and so on. It gave me back my self confidence and i met a new man too There is lots of help out there. You could start by going to Citizens Advice Bureau. Get child maintenance sorted out too.

I wish I had known about mumsnet when I was going through the worst of it - I have only just discovered it - I think you will get lots of support and encouragement here

One other thing - have you tried "Rescue Remedy"? Its made from plant extracts and is totally natural - you can buy it in Boots and most chemists - it is really calming and I always take a little when things start getting a bit much. Think it costs around £6

Good luck

it will get better i really feel for you, my partner left me after 7 years when our dd was 1, that is now 6 years ago, she is 7 on sunday! i havent seen him or heard from him since the day he left!!
during the relationship i lost all contact with my friends, so i know how you feel,
I still dont have many friends, but you will meet people at days out, is there a parent group at the school?
even going to parks you find yourself talking to people, especially if your in the frame of mind that you want to meet people,
Gingerbread are fantastic they might have a local support group, they do here in milton keynes, where do you live,
if i was you i would concentrate on your self and children, get yourself through xmas and start a fresh in new year,
best wishes

hi karenanne, i wanted to send you hugs too. your exp was definetly out of line, using you like that. Im not friends with my exp, we're not even on proper speaking terms. When he visits dd, I leave him to it, and have a couple of hours to myself. I can't cope with exp so would rather be out of the way to avoid arguements. You dont have to always be there when he comes to visit the kids. Let him have them on his own for an hour or two to give you a break and you dont have to always be around him.

Do think about your future. How are you coping financially? Im presuming you're a SAHM? (if not sorry!) I go to college part time. It's only once a week for 3 hours and it'll get me qualifications, plus a chance to go out and meet new people. And Im currently trying to get back into part time work for the same reasons as trying to meet new people and move on with life.

The hurt will go away, and it will get better. I live on my own, although I do have a dp but he lives about 70 miles away so I hardly see him, so am praticularly a single mum. I dont have many friends either. But there are support groups which are fantastic that have been mentioned like Gingerbread. Things will get better for you, and just remember you have two beautiful children who love you so much and that depend on you more than their father which makes you a stronger person than he is already xxxxx

thank you so much for your replies.all the details etc are mostly taken care of from last time ie maintenence etc so dont have to go through it again.as for housing we're lucky to be able to stay here for as long as we need ,but in time i will be ready for my own place so thats on my to do list.lol
i am feeling a little brighter today im starting to focus on the what we need and the future iykwim.im not going to let him drag us down,i want to make him regret what hes done ,i know hes unsure of what he wants ,i donot want him back im a 100% sure of that .
its just the getting out and meeting people thats the problem lol not men lolbut im sure in time i will find them.
sandpach im in luton so not far from you ,i might give gingerbread ago after xmas but think for now i'll just get through sons birthday and xmas.
thanks again

Sanchpanch, karenanne I'm between Bedford and MK and work in MK

Nickola is also from Luton

Perhaps we should organise a meet up, I don't think there's that many of us from around this area

Karenanne, glad you are feeling better, and you are looking ahead, he is sure to regret it especially when he sees you getting on with your life etc,
A meet up wouldbe brill idea, i dont think there are many of us in this area, probably in the new year would be good?
Alittle about myself~ i am 28, have 2 girls age 7 (in 2 days, so i keep being told) and a 15 month old girl, who goes to nursery every morning till 1.00 while i go to work part time, i work as a community occupational therapist assistant in milton keynes and i also live in milton keynes,
I am happy to travel to meet up as i drive and have a car, i dont know luton very well, but i have heard there is an Asda there, so i would be keen to find it!!!
I do know Bedford as my dad lives there and i also lived there for a while when i did my nurse training,
let me know if any one is intrested in getting together
sanchpanch xx

SP - I'm 26 and dd is 2 and a half at christmas. I drive too so don't mind where we meet. I think you're right and it should be after christmas.

Is anyone else up for it? In fact rather than hijack this thread I shall start a one in meet-ups section. Title: MK/Beds/Luton/Dunstable etc meet up

ok great, i shall look out for it, hopefully get some intrest, i have done an mk one about a year ago but got no intrest, so better luck this time