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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Would should I do?

3 replies

BiscoffSundae · 03/07/2022 17:57

What would others do in my situation I’m a lone parent to 4 children, oldest has asd and adhd, I’m totally alone them their father has no contact and hasn’t in 18 months, I don’t have family help, I do have family but they refuse to help me in anyway and I would go as far as to say my mum seems to enjoy me struggling. Never had my kids not once. I never have a night off, oldest behaviour is very very challenging, she is 11 and has regular melt downs to the point I struggle taking her out in public, today she has a massive meltdown on the bus for no obvious reasons, she was screaming and jumping up and down, how am I meant to manage that alone? I do as I have no choice but some man on the bus was very nasty to us, I am worried about the future, my daughters behaviour isn’t getting easier it’s getting harder as now she’s older we get lots less sympathy and more judgement and nasty comments. I dress taking her out, I have no one to leave her with so have no choice she has to come everywhere with me, they all do, I’m not in a typical single parent situation as I often hear people say how easy it gets, how it gets easier once they are older but this will never be the case for me, so my question is what should I do? Do I reach out to ex and demands he steps up, he is her parent too, why am I left to deal with this all on my own. (I don’t want to contact ss too much bad experience with them in the past so not a route I want to go down)

OP posts:
Fem1985 · 03/07/2022 22:11

This is difficult. I have three children so I feel for you.
People can be horrible. Especially random strangers.

Without knowing why you split or what their dad is like I can’t say for certain, but as a general answer I would say yes. Their father needs to step up and look after them. Does he pay you any money to support them ?

If your oldest is 11 they all sound fairly young still. Does your daughter get much support from school ? Or have an EHCP and other professionals in her life that you could ask for advice on how to handle her behaviour ?
Maybe between you you could work out what her triggers are for the difficult behaviour ?

If she gets DLA maybe you could have a support worker for her ?

BiscoffSundae · 03/07/2022 23:11

Yes we get dla but only MR which doesn’t really scratch the surface tbh, I think she should get high but I don’t want to rock the boat there, no he doesn’t pay any maintenance. She has a ehcp and has a full time 1:1 at school all day but she is leaving in September and currently doesn’t have a school place as they put her in mainstream which I’ve had to decline as it isn’t appropriate. So she has nowhere for September. Every day just feels like a battle the man started screaming at her I remember after posting it was a melt down because her usual seat on the bus was taken so I asked her to sit with her brother and she just kicked off

OP posts:
Fem1985 · 04/07/2022 07:15

Bless you it must be so tough. I would contact their father and/ or put a claim in for support money from him if necessary.

What is the situation with special schools where you are? Is there anywhere you have in mind for your daughter?

If your child has an EHCP can you contact the council to have a new school named on it to meet your child’s needs ?

if you re- post this under SEN you may get some responses from parents who have more experience of this ? x

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