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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Money for DS from exP - how much is acceptable?

26 replies

lottymadbird · 16/01/2008 14:16

I'm currently battling exP for some money for my DS (2 and a half).

The difficulty is that exP does not have any income from a job.

He basically has invested in property and buys houses to do up and sell. He has told me he cannot afford to contribute anything because he has no income but I know he has about £650,000 in various banks with no loans or mortgages.

He says he has to buy a house and pay for his living expenses out of this money.

I am on income support and my total income a year is £6,900. Obviously Im finding it very difficult to manage and have been supplementing with savings but these are now almost gone, hence my renewed attempt to get help from exP.

So... should he pay anything? If so, how much per week/month do you think is acceptable?

Sorry for the long post.

OP posts:

Original poster

lottymadbird · 16/01/2008 14:17

sorry my PC doesnt handle symbols well. That should read he has 650,000 pounds not all that gobbledegook.

OP posts:

Original poster

lottymadbird · 16/01/2008 14:18

and my income is 6,900 pounds. doh ! sorry.

OP posts:

StripeyMamaSpanx · 16/01/2008 14:19

If you are on IS then are the CSA not involved? They will (ok, they should) work out what he is required to pay (but you will only be allowed to keep £10 a week from it).

Original poster

lottymadbird · 16/01/2008 14:20

He lives in France so the CSA cannot do anything. I did try to involve them but basically they said they have enough problems getting UK resident fathers to pay up.

OP posts:

choccypig · 16/01/2008 14:21

I think he's being very selfish. Can't afford it my *rse. Absolute minimum is the nursery fees if you are working. Or the equivalent if not.

Original poster

lottymadbird · 16/01/2008 14:24

I'm not working but DS does go to nursery two mornings a week (costing me 1600 a year) as i think he needs to be with other children and without me some of the time.

OP posts:

StripeyMamaSpanx · 16/01/2008 14:25

Ah. They really are fecking useless eh!

Well, wherever he lives, you are only allowed to keep £10 on top of your IS.

I dont really know anything about amounts - try the calculator on the CSA website maybe?

StripeyMamaSpanx · 16/01/2008 14:26

Get him to pay the nursery fees then - straight to the nursery, without passing through your hands. I think thats not going to affect your benefits.

StripeyMamaSpanx · 16/01/2008 14:27

How old is DS? Do you not get free nursery yet?

Original poster

lottymadbird · 16/01/2008 14:29

DS is 2 and a half. Not free nursery yet, he will from September but because of the way the vouchers work I will still have to pay about 40 pounds a week (although that will get him 5 sessions not 2). I'm going back to college in sept too so may get more help then.

OP posts:

choccypig · 16/01/2008 14:30

The point is you ARE working looking after his child. So why should you have to use up your savings while he is increasing his?
Difficult if he's in France, but he really should be paying.

choccypig · 16/01/2008 14:30

The point is you ARE working looking after his child. So why should you have to use up your savings while he is increasing his?
Difficult if he's in France, but he really should be paying.

Original poster

lottymadbird · 16/01/2008 14:33

well i think he should be paying something at least. the big Q is how much should he be able to afford to pay? i think honestly he's being awkward because i wont go back to him but then thats another story !

OP posts:

Harra · 16/01/2008 15:18

Hi, Think you will have a huge problem. My story is my xp has properties and equity of about £500,000.00 (not in his residential home) in his various properties. He is a litigation lawyer and choosing not to work at the moment. He is desperate not to pay me any money. He has a 'nil' income according to him and the CSA and they can't assess his proporties as they are 'businesses'. He does have some money in the bank £180,000.00 which they assess by saying that that gives him 8% income and then for 1 child 15% of that less 2/7 as he has our ds for 2 nights a week which gives me the princely sum of £30 per week. However he has wittled this amount down to £120,000 and will put it all into a residential home for himself and then be assessed for nothing. I am going to a tribunal with the CSA soon. Of course your xp should pay but I know from my experience of having an unreasonable xp in a similiar situation - getting him to pay is nigh on impossible. Good luck

Original poster

lottymadbird · 16/01/2008 15:30

Harra - god aren't they awful. if the roles were reversed I'd give DS every penny i could afford.

OP posts:

Harra · 16/01/2008 17:04

Hi Lotty,
Yes they are. My xp is so bitter and just runing rings around the CSA - he has taken me to court for more access - again to try and increase the amount of time ds spends with him so he will be assessed for even less. I still can't believe he won. He now has ds for 2 days one week, 3 days the next, 2 days the following and then 4 days, all in a 4 week rota. I was not allowed to discuss finances as this is 'irrelevant' to access. My solicitor's bill has come to over £11,000 and I don't get legal aid. The amount of documentation I have for the CSA tribuanl is loads but I am loathe to get any more paid advice, the CAB won't touch it - too complicated for them. If anyone speaks to xp, he comes across as the doting father - can't believe why I left him etc. Sorry to rant on your thread - but does show there are a lot of idiots out there.

Original poster

lottymadbird · 17/01/2008 10:06

my god thats awful. i think thats strengthened my resolve not to get legal advice involved.

my exP will never change anyway, he once said he'd rather burn the lot down (his properties and assets) than give us a penny. nice !

how old is your DS?

OP posts:

Tinkerbel6 · 17/01/2008 10:21

lottymadbird whatever he pays you will only get £10 from it per week, yes he should be paying towards his child but I dont think you will get anything, sometimes its better off to give up before the resentment starts to kick in, he might not even have the properties in his name, I cant even get £5 out of my ex and he lives in this country.

Original poster

lottymadbird · 17/01/2008 12:07

I think I'm coming to that opinion myself. It really isn't worth it. Poor DS when he grows up if he ever realises what a nasty self-centred little sh*t his father is.

OP posts:

mummyofaprincess · 17/01/2008 14:03

lotty i`m so sorry your going through this I just wanted to show you my support, i know your not alone on this one, maybe our DCs will grow up to know that there dads are nasty and self-centred but they will also know how much we have done for them and thats whats getting me through the days and nights

Hugs for you and DS x

Harra · 17/01/2008 17:13

Hi,Lotty,
Yes I thought it was pretty unfair. We split when ds was 10 months and he is 23 months now and I never stopped xp from seeing ds - he would have him about 2 nights per week. I really thought I was being reseaonable. If you can get legal advice on legal aid - you might as well, but like your xp, my xp has threatened to sell all his properties and blow the money so that he doesn't have to pay me anything. However while he can wrangle they are 'businesses' and not assessed he will profit from then quite nicely. I have posted on here before when I first split with him and got some good advice. It is only money at the end of the day and sometimes it might be worth concerntrating your energies and emotions elsewhere like Tinkerbel6 suggests. At least we have the moral high ground for what it is worth!! All the best.

Harra · 29/03/2008 11:34

Lotty,
Had a result from my tribunal. Section 18 2 (b) of the childrens variations act. 'an asset means 'a legal estate of beneficial interest in land and rights in or over land'.
My xp sounds a little like your xp doing up properties and either keeping them to rent or selling them on. The tribual agreed that he should be assessed on them however they kept £105,000.00 out of the equation for his 'living expenses' for the next 3 years and by then ds will be in full time education so xp will not 'have to look after him in a working week'.
So if you have the energy you can fill out an application for a variation to the child maintenance calculation (you can get this from the CSA), it has taken me 15 months to get this result with continual phoning to the CSA, letters to the Chief Executive, an appeal from xp, an appeal from me and now a tribual ruling. Very draining but a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. I still have yet to see the money and xp may start selling his properties and wasting his money. More than happy to answer any other queries or questions you have. Financial outcome £61 per week taking into account he has ds 2 nights out of 7.

talkingmongoose · 29/03/2008 11:41

It doesn't sound good, if he doesn't want to pay, i don't think anyone can make him.

I had a similar situation with DS1, and just cut the tosser out of our lives - he doesn't pay, he doesn't see. A father who cares so little about his child is not really a father.

Harra · 29/03/2008 14:02

Lotty, sorry, reread your thread about your xp being in France and CSA not wanting to know.

AMAZINWOMAN · 30/03/2008 10:38

Have you tried the CAB? In some european countries, there is the equivalent of a CSA, and the French government may try for access on your behalf.

Not sure which countries though, but some governments are very supportive when it comes to child maintenance.

Try the CAB. And Gingerbread's advice line-as Im sure there must be other parents in this position.

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