I don't know where to start....

[idontcarewhoreadsthis]

thinking about set contact arrangements. It's all quite complicated as I am WOHM. H is SAHD. We have 2 kids, one in Foundation Stage and the other is 2. I can't really go into too much detail but would be really grateful to hear how anyone in similar situation have found a fair, workable solution where the kids have thrived.

Have I scared everyone off?

Sorry not sure I understand the question.. would/do the children live with their father? Assuming he would get custody as the main carer?

No we are still living under same roof until div. and I am asking for residency. So I suppose it's a two step thing starting with arrangements while we are still living under same roof but separated and after when we are in our own places.

I just don't know what would be fair. My heart tells me I want the kids all to myself but my head knows that's just not on.

Could you not have shared custody whereby the kids spend set nights with you and set nights with him? It worked very well with my older DCs - although they were older (5 & 7) when we split. They very quickly just got used to the routine.

Have you seen a solicitor?

Won't he be likely to get the main residency as he is the main carer? isn't that why the mother normally gets residancy?

I really think you need to seek some proper legal advice sooner rather than later.

Also taking them from him 100% is not really feasible, reasonable or fair on the children as he is their main carer.

You also need to think about how much you might have to pain him via the CSA.

Hassled, how many nights at a time?
I have spoken to a sol. and definitely going for residency (can't be too detailed)but they have ask me to think about arrangement. I am not sure what's best (ie not too confusing for them). No, certainly not going to try to take them 100%!

Sorry - got sidetracked by lenghty VAT thing (I live a wild life).
SUnday, Monday, Tuesday DCs were with ex, Wed, Thurs, Fri with me and then we alternated Saturdays. If it was his turn for the Sat it would mean that I wouldn't see them Sat am to Wed pm every other week (we both worked FT)which broke my heart, but I had a good enough relationship with ex-DH that I would call round on my way back from work and have a cup of tea and listen to them read etc on my "off" days. After 18 months or so of this I actually fixed it so I stopped work at 2.30 on my no kids days, picked them up from school and ex-DH collected on his way home from work. If your ex is SAHD the whole thing is more complicated and I can see the logic in you having them more evenings as he sees them during the day. I think as long as you and ex can at least pretend to be amicable and agree that your arrangement is fair, and the DCS have a routine, whatever it is, then things will work out.
They are 18 and 20 now - the oldest at Uni - and obviously can come and go as they please and the whole arrangement is much looser, but they still seem to prefer sticking to their Dad and Mum days.

Thank you hassled. It seems v.complicated. I think as you say it would break my heart not to see them for such long stretches. I have to understand that H may feel the same.