so fed up with ex, no contact with dd

[miarosemum]

i sat here feeling quite depressed about the state of affairs with my dd's dad...she is now 14 months old and we split up when i was pregnant with her, i moved out to set up on my own and now have gone back to my old job and am supportin me and her in a privately rented flat which i am quite proud of. ex has been absoluteley crap and he is no kid either he is 34 years of age! he refuses to tell his other daughter who is now 11 years of age from a previous relationship about my dd's very existence, he has a go at me every time when he has earnt enough money for the csa to take a biglump sun of money out of his payslip and goes on about wanting to see her and then lets me or should i say dd down. she started walking at xmas and he has'nt even seen it yet...i am so fed up, i don't pressurise him in any way shape or form..but maybe thats why he is being crap, all i hear from hin is self pity all the time..

your not alone to be honest.

Mys dds daddy saw her for half an hour yesterday and left her feeling all sad, and DD didnt talk to me for ages after that, only to say that daddy and mommy was to stay at home for when she got out of nursery DD is confused because her daddy cant be bothered to make an effort to see her more.

To be very honest here i wished he wouldn`t bother seeing DD if he can only spare half an hour of his time

I hope things get better for you, but i think if we expect things from there daddys these things never happen and its us that suffer and our DDs not them!

I hope you do keep trying for your DDs sake, but i have given up asking xp when he is coming next as i only get the answer im busy or ill call/ text you!

what is wrong with these men, they have beautiful children who when they see them absoluteley adore them and then can't generally be arsed when they are not around! i never know where i am with him seeing her, i still held a torch for him for a bout till dd was about 6 months but that is well and trully over, i have set myself up on a dating site don't laugh! are you with anyone else?

Wish you were my ex miarosemum.

Maybe we can swap? That way your ex won't have to see any kids and mine won't have to deal with what she sees as the hassle of a dad who wants to see his!

I`m not with anyone else no

I dont think i will look for anyone esle for a long time, im just to hurt at the moment and shocked for what he has done to me

I hope the dating site works out well for you x

I also think you should be very proud of yourself, you have come so far

thank mummyofaprincess, lostdad i think you are one good dad out of a lot of bad ones, we just can't win can we, i feel for you being a genuine dad who wants to spend time with his children...your ex should have a look at this thread and see how lucky she is!

I think she should, she is so lucky to have an ex like you and your LO will grow up and realise what a good daddy you are!!!

you are so right notdoingthehousework when you say an absent father is better than a shit one...it just gets me down sometimes when i think about it..thank you all for youir kind words, we all in the same boat i think

lostdad you are a flirt!

well dd kept asking me when she was going to see her daddy and he phoned to ask if he could see her. i think he needs to sort himself out. i am stil lnot going back to him, i left nearly 4months ago and although i used to wonder what i was doing was right, i feel better now and i don't think this has sunk in for him.

i think that some dads are useless twits (just as some moms are - well some of the ones i used to know.)
good luck to notdoingthehousework, am glad you're happy. fmxxx

Hi miarosemum, I know exactly how you feel, I started this thread for the same reason - lots of support on there from people in similar situations. It's so sad that there are so many guys out there like our useless exs.

Please don't feel bad, think about all the positive stuff you're doing, how great your lives are together, and what a great mum you are. Like someone else said, it really isn't worth wasting our energy on these waste of space 'fathers'.

Fransmon -

Seriously though...I can see things from the other side. If you asked my ex about me, I have no doubt whatsoever that she would say exactly the sort of thing that is posted on here.

I will be the proverbial waste of space father, the one who is incapable of looking after his child, the whose absence is better for my son than me being there, the one who is a total t**t. If you listen to my ex leastways.

After all, she's not going to say `Well, he's a good dad, but I'm going to do my best to stop him seing my son', is she?

Assuming she's not bouncing off the walls, she's going to have some kind of justification for her words and deeds. There are always two sides to the stories and we only hear one. Unless anyone here has exs who post on here too of course...

lostdad - I disagree, I want to be able to say great things about my dd's father and I've been trying very hard to get him to show an interest but he just makes things impossible.

Yes, there are two sides to every story, and I'm pretty sure his side involves slagging me off to all his new girlfriends and whoever else, the same way he bitched about his son's mother to me.

I know there are brilliant fathers about - one of my good friends split from his girlfriend shortly after his dc was born and he is amazing at dealing with his ex and doing his best for his child.

I actually feel quite bad that you think that we're all here moaning about fathers that really want to be involved just we're making things difficult for them... that is SO far from the truth and there is no way I would stop my dd's father from being involved if he wanted to make the effort and could put her interests first.

No chickenmama - I know you're not hear all moaning about fathers. Sorry if it comes across like that.

The point is that no one is perfect. I'm not, my ex is not and you're probably not either!

The whole reason I joined this forum is to try and see how my ex may see things in lieu of her inability to talk to me!

D'oh - didn't mean that last post to sound critical chickenmama!

chickenmama i remember your thread i ranted on there a bit

Well DD was in tears last night she wanted to see her daddy and was asking where he was and if he was coming home

It was so horrible to see her so upset, i was going to call him so DD could talk to him but i thought i best not as it will only make her worse when he says he can`t come and see her

Aw sorry lostdad if I read your post wrong. I just hate the thought of anyone defending my dd's father, he has caused so much grief and heartache to a lot of people.

to your little girl mummyofaprincess, it's so sad to hear she's so upset

thank you chickenmama

they just don`t see this hurt do they?

Its like they shut off all feeling when they leave!

You know, one thing I'm thankful for is that my dd's father left while she was tiny, at least this way she'll never remember a time when they were together like your little one does, that must make it so much harder.

My little girl had daddy in her life for 3 years, then he just up and leaves and is happy to see her once or twice a week for half an hour a time.

This is doing no good for my DD at all, she is so upset right now

I know my bump will never have a bond with him, and in a way i`m glad as he will only let LO down

What i just can`t get to grips with is that he was the best dad in the world and would never put DD second no matter what, then he cheats on me leaves me for her and everything about him changes