Does it get better?

[Ilikepinacoladass]

Me and me ex have been broken up for nearly 2 years now, little one was a few months old when it happened. It was obviously very hard when it happened, looking after such a little baby and it all being so raw, but in a way I'm finding things harder now it's a couple of years down the line - can anyone else relate to this?

After we first split there was a lot of relief that the arguements had stopped and negative atmosphere in the house had gone. I also felt really positive about my future and that I'd meet someone else. Was also really proud when I realised I was able to cope on my own. I guess there was a novelty element to it all.

Now the memory of the bad bits of our relationship is fading, have been on a few bad dates so feeling less hopefully about all that, and reality of doing everything by myself, not having much money, not being able to get out in the evenings is all just grinding me down. (His dad see's him regularly a couple of times a week so at least get a bit of time to myself). I'm finding it seems much harder now and am missing my ex lots more than at first. Has anyone else gone through this? Please tell me it gets better!

started a post today about the same thing, I feel the same way, been split up years and no it hasn’t got easier, being a single mum is extremely hard and I have 4 and personally it doesn’t get easier, I think it only gets easier if you have a great support network (something I don’t have) everyone says it gets easier/better but years later I’m still waiting for that day.

It will get better. Does your ex take him for a decent chunk of time so you get a break? Getting nursery hours will help too. Are you working?

Once he is at nursery and school it gets easier and the dating will come good, you just have to keep at it.

it is rose tinted glasses and good you recognise that. A trip over to the relationships board will be a dose of realty. Maybe write yourself a list of reasons why you left,

One child is very different to 4 though - that really is tough.

I work 3 days a week and he has him 1 day at the weekend (for about 5/6hrs), and one day in the week (but a day that I'm working so doesn't make much difference to me).

I think it being half term / this jubliee weekend thing hasn't really helped, as the childminder has been closed so I've been off work.

I just seem to have lost that positivity that I had at the beginning when I seemed to be sure I'd made the right decision. Am probably forgetting how unhappy I was. A list of reasons is a good idea.

Think I'm now just starting to think I'm not that loveable so maybe I should have just stuck in a difficult relationship to enjoy the good bits and for the sake of being a family. As being on my own and the idea it might be like this for ever is not great.

You have one DC like myself OP. Dating is hard weather you had 1 or 3 kids. I agree with it's your friends and family network that are crucial but you also have to dig deep and make effort.

Would you travel solo with your DC? These are things I've had to learn to do and I love it now.

Does your ex pay CMS? Is there a reason you and your ex are not splitting the weekends fairly? Consider when your DC starts school also weekdays are busy and most social activities are done on a weekend!

I was actually thinking about taking him on a little beach holiday this summer actually, but have been on the fence about it thinking about price and whether I'll feel a bit lonely going on my own. What kind of trips do you do?

He doesn't pay CMS at the mo but am going to try and sort that out soon. He doesn't work much though to be honest.

In terms of the weekends do you mean little one staying over with him? We are going to wait till he's around 3 to start thinking about that as I think it might be a bit unsettling for him atm. I would like it if he had him for a bit longer on the day he does have him but he's not great with getting up in the morning, so it's usually ends up being at around 11am(one of the factors for the split lol) then I only have 6hrs till he comes back (which I know is lots more than some people!)

Personally I think 3 is old enough to establish a structure for co parenting if it's not in place from young it's hard to sort it out as the child gets older.

Ahhh I see... that's not great then that your ex isn't working much. 6 hours isn't much time to yourself.

My first ever holiday with me and DS was when he was 3. I did a short flight to Palma in Spain booked AL, kids club and a water park. We go all over... we are due to go to Greece next week just us 2.

I've done the seaside breaks and Butlins with a friend last year I wasn't keen on Butlins.

You meet lots of people abroad that maybe married but also on vacation with their kids alone too. I stayed friends with a lady I met in 2017.

That sounds brilliant! I need to get his passport sorted.. maybe next summer a trip abroad and we'll do a UK one this year.

I just find it hard to stay positive. Like you say it's rose tinted glasses when I think back to how things were and imagine what we'd be like now as a family. I just hope that in time I'll feel more confident that I made the right decision x

I have been a single parent since ds was five months and he is now 17. It helps that I only have the one child. Ds slowly felt easier from age 13. I could always justify and afford plenty of childcare though as I am on the spectrum and need more me time than most.

I found it got a lot easier when I stopped dwelling on what could have been and my single status. When I accepted it was me and DD for the foreseeable and stopped dating, I put all of the focus on to us, had driving lessons, did an OU degree, developed a career generally invested in myself whilst she was very young. Shes now 12 and I'm getting my adult life back, my evenings are freeing up I can leave her for a few hours to go yo exercise classes etc and financially we're in a relatively good place, she is the best company when we go out and about.

We live by the beach which was handy as we didn't have the money to go on holiday for several years. We often go yo the beach or park in the evening and take a picnic dinner with us, chilli con carne in food flasks, jacket potato's etc so we feel like we are out in the evening, children don't have to be Bath, book, bed at 7pm if that doesn't work for your family. Butlins was great for our first few holidays as its so kitted out for little ones. Then we did city breaks often to London where we would take advantage of the Kids go Free theatre deals in August and would go yo 5+ shows a week and do the sites. Then we did Edinburgh and Glasgow which was brilliant and then we started to venture abroad. DD is a fair red head so I can't imagine any hot sun holidays would have been fun before this.