Hate being a single mum sometimes...

[BiscoffSundae]

Does anyone else hate being a single mum sometimes? my daughter has asd and she needs to see a dentist, we went to the dentist but she refused to even let them look at her teeth, they have said she needs to be referred to a dentist in central London which is nowhere near me and will take over an hour to get to, I don’t want the stress of trying to get her there on the bus/ train so will likely have to get a cab... with it being central London they will cost a fortune, but I have other children and have no one to have them whilst I take her so of course I can arrange it around school but it’s likely they will need to sedate her which means the appointment will take hours and then there is the travelling there and back and I’m just not sure how I am going to be back in time to collect my other children from school, I have no one else to do this for me. Seriously I hate being a single mum at times everyone says how fantastic it is but it just isn’t! Seriously regret leaving my ex and it would have been much easier just staying.

You are right, being a single parent can be glorified yet the reality is different, there is a reason marriage is one of the oldest institutions, it certainly the best way to bring up kids. It’s hard work to keep a marriage, it’s not all romance it’s apart practicalities,tax,childcare, clean house etc. It’s not too late for you to meet someone who appreciates you. Just carry on being the best mum you can be and allow yourself some me time/date time. I feel for you and wish you strength to carry on.

Thank you, sadly as much as I would like to meet someone even that is not an option as the kid are with me 24/7. So even meeting someone new is not possible.

Stay strong, try and get some help. If you haven’t already try joining local parish church or carers uk. Speak to social services to help with support with your daughter. Honestly a problem shared is a problem halved. There are good people out there doing amazing things. Don’t be shy to reach out.

I hear you op it's really shit and lonely sometimes isn't it. I also have a daughter with special needs and 2 other children. They are with me all the time too. I would like to meet someone but in reality how would I, no childcare and zero free time and I think I'm at the point now where I can't be bothered with being in a relationship. But don't give up hope op it'll happen for you. But being the only one doing the grunt work and dealing with meltdowns and all the other stuff gets you down sometimes.

Scared to contact social as I don’t want them to think I’m not coping with my kids, I can’t meet anyone it’s out of the question really I have no time to give someone and I am not desirable in anyway, no man would want a fat single mum to 4 kids with sen, no man would be interested in me and I have nothing to offer. I accept I will be alone forever now just hate being a single mum I should have stuck with my ex it was better than this.

That sounds really hard. What were the reasons you broke up with your ex?

He broke up with me but wanted to get back a year or so down the line but I said no, now starting to regret that

I guess there's no guarantee it would have worked out if you had gotten back together anyway, if the same issues were still there?

Anything is better than this

Sorry to hear that. Is your ex the father of your daughter/other children? Maybe he could take her to the dentist/help out a bit more?

Yes he is but he doesn’t bother with them since we split up, I guess if I had known I would be left to raise them alone I would have just stuck with the situation, when he came back he was only interested in me and because I wasn’t interested he can’t be bothered to see them, he sees us as a package. But it only gets easier if you have an involved ex, good family, or a great support network, otherwise it doesn’t get easier.

Hey OP, I'm a single parent by choice.

I think we tend to only look at what we struggle with. When I read threads of people whose partner are shitty or abusive, I feel SO happy to be single. I'm happy I got to pick my children's names without having to compromise. I'm happy I get to raise my kids the way I like it. I havey own space, my bed to myself, I can watch whatever I want on the computer without having to deal with a grumpy bed partner. Even if that means I don't get a break and kids are with me 24/7, at least I don't have to deal with ex not making them do their homework, or messing with them, not enforcing good manners, etc. You are imagining probably (understandably) a rosy version of what life would be like with him.

But I appreciate that life with a SN child is going to be especially hard for a single parent.

Still, remember that you refused him back for a reason. The fact that he can't be arsed with his children makes me suspect that he also couldn't have been arsed even if you'd still been together. Or he might have left you again as soon as it got hard. So even though things must be hard now, I wouldn't regret not taking him back - at least you still have a chance to meet someone better in the future. Even if dating isn't a priority or an option right now.

Yup I hated it. But it was better than being with DDs father. Luckily my DM was available to help out but I tried not to rely on her for too much, I still had to juggle appointments and what not.

I guess I just didn’t anticipate just how difficult being a single parent is, so sick of everyone saying it gets easier and better, that’s only the case if you have loads of helpful friends or a supportive family, my family point blank refuse to help in any way, I get told “you chose to have them” yes whilst that’s true I didn’t chose to be a lone parent, and everyone chooses to have their kids but it doesn’t stop other people from helping. My ex was useless that is true but it wasn’t as hard as it is now.

It can be awful being a single parent to young children. I'm doing it and sometimes it feels like torture to be with just kids for most of the day.
Maybe there should be a new charter of human rights where single parents get state help to have a life, a right to an adult life. It can feel like just existing as a facilitator of other's lives for 15 years.
Definitely not what nature intended. It can feel like a terrible trap.