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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

teens not wanting to come on holiday

11 replies

madameMscastle · 29/05/2022 11:12

Not sure whats best to do.

I know it might seem miner to some but ive got no one to talk to about,
Ive got a 4night break coming up and my ds15 texted me (weekend not at home) and put ds13 also agrees that we shouldnt go an holiday as ds15 found out on Friday hes been set lots of homework and revision (which i admire) and they wont go on devices until i check its done. And it wouldnt be relaxing.

This holiday was with the sun and it been cancelled since 2020, then 2021 we couldnt go as it was booked a week before everything opening up i then rebooked for easter this year but then i got covid.
If i rebook for summer holidays i have to pay more which i cant afford right now.
If i rebook it for next easter i might have the same problems as ds15 would in year 11, and ive said to them we are not going away at easter, im saving up and next year, go somewhere in the summer holiday.
My ds13 just likes to be stay in bed and play his devices. (typical teen) sometimes its a battle just to get him to have a wash.

I have told them we will talk more today face to face.
But i have no idea what to do or say.
if i cancel/rebook im going to have to lie as im not sure teens changed mind is not included in the policies.
If i go on my own, ill rather not as i book these holidays for the three of us.

Teens have made arrangements for the weekend after at home as exs mum is having a jubilee party and sunday something is happening with fortnight.

Ex is also a "disney" dad, i hate the term but no other way to decribe it and it seems that dss do all the fun stuff with him then when they are at home, they go back to reality then we cant do fun things as they never did their homework and have to do that, so apart of me is cross.
Ex is aware but doesnt keep up with it and will ask the dss and take their word for it. me and him really dont get along and if the dss like doing homework at home its no skin of his nose.

OP posts:

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/05/2022 15:11

Assuming they can have internet and a table to work at, then I would explain to them that a change is as good as a rest for all of you, and you personally need a break - it’s good for them to think about other people.

if it’s not going to be a suitable place for revision then you could either switch to summer (could someone help with the cost) - or otherwise how about autumn half term?

ImInStealthMode · 29/05/2022 15:19

As I understand your post, by 'coming up' you mean this week half-term? You mention the 'weekend after' being the Jubilee?

I'd be extremely surprised if you can change anything at this stage. I work in travel and that would be 100% cancellation for us, no matter the reason.

EwwSprouts · 29/05/2022 15:30

Agree you should all still go for the break. It's been a tough couple of years and this is the holiday you can afford and it's happening!

You can offer that homework is done tonight, and next weekend before the party (won't be starting at 10am) or homework is done while you are away every morning. Then the rest of each day is pool, beach, gaming etc. They need to remember to compromise.

mubarak86 · 29/05/2022 15:35

Going against the grain to say that if they aren't keen then it's better they don't go. There's nothing as bad to spoil a holiday than a sullen teen. I'd go by myself and try and take a friend if possible. I'm assuming it's a caravan type holiday?

Original poster

madameMscastle · 29/05/2022 23:53

Ive spoke to them ds1 is happy if there is wifi, ds2 said he doesnt like going away and doesnt feel like going then claimed hes had a stomach bug since Thursday but then made up excuses of why he didnt say anything till now.
(ex had the normal response of he's seemed and has been fine)

Later on ds1 said if ds2 doesnt go he will not want to go either.

Then after ds2 went to bed, ds1 told me ds2 said to him that i cant make him go if he doesnt want to and in the morning he is going to text his father.

Not sure how i feel now.

OP posts:

DenholmElliot1 · 30/05/2022 00:04

I think I'd cut my losses to be honest - teens just don't want to go away with their parents

HeddaGarbled · 30/05/2022 00:19

Oh dear, I think your oldest has outgrown the sort of holiday you’ve planned. The youngest would probably still enjoy it, but is being influenced by his older brother.

I definitely wouldn’t rebook. You’ll probably get the same reaction and have wasted even more money.

Would you enjoy it on your own while they go their dad’s?

Hellopello · 30/05/2022 00:22

Some teens decide early on they don't want to go away with parents. Its them thinking they are too cool for the holiday with parents yet funnily enough it's often the emotionally immature ones who pull this at the last minute as an act of defiance

Best thing you can do is not to get involved in any arguments that will upset both of you, and not to show how disappointed you are, as he may not wish to budge

Hang in there.
You sound like a wonderful mum and always there for them -their 'rock '
He WILL grow up to hug you and tell you Thankyou Mum 💕one day despite his current defiance.

He is all about what he wants at this time, and is unlikely to change his mind but it's not because he wants to hurt you,

GetThatHelmetOn · 30/05/2022 00:29

Single parent here as well. My son never had a say in whether he was coming in an already booked holiday or not. He just had to come as I couldn’t leave him alone at home AND, most importantly, I did a lot of stuff to keep him entertained and happy so it was only fair that he indulged me on what I wanted to do from time to time.

Travelling with teens is often a disappointment, as they really do not want to be there preferring to stay close to their friends and a reliable wifi. If I had someone to leave him with, I would have had and take some friends with me instead or even just the dog and me as I was craving for some rest and peace.

I would take the older one with me as he is not inconvenienced and leave the younger one with dad/grandma, but made him aware that the next time he wants you to do something nice and interesting for him, you are entitled to say no and do as you please.

Marty13 · 30/05/2022 00:38

Yeah I'd tell them that you sacrifice a lot for them and they can suck it up for a few days. Tell them it'll probably be one of your last holidays all together and they can make an effort for four days. It's only four days ffs ! Sounds like they only want to do homework when it's convenient to them. Well they can do it just as well in a hotel room while you enjoy the pool.

Hellopello · 30/05/2022 02:02

I feel for you as this holiday means a lot to you and very much needed break. Last thing you need is teen dramas over who goes with you.

Ideally after a family discussion, both DS would agree go on the planned holiday , and then could plan not to go with parents after that. . ... but it's sounding unlikely he will change his mind from what you have said so far.

You can reason with some teens in this situation, but others dig heels in, it's shit but so true, that no matter who says what , no matter if you say it's non negotiable, some may not change their mind.

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