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Lone parents

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Original poster

Parenting while living apart

6 replies

Fuzzyhippo · 27/05/2022 20:40

I've been with my partner for 6 years, I'm mid 20s he's mid 30s and we've never lived together and both live at home with parents due to financial and practical reasons. So not exactly lone as such, but I'll probably be in the same position as a single parent once baby is here. I'm roughly 8-9 weeks pregnant and we'll likely be living apart for the unforeseeable future as we live 20 odd miles from eachother and it wouldn't be practical at this time. I've posted on the living apart together group on Facebook, but no one has ever been in this situation where they're together but raising children in seperate homes. I feel so alone and really don't know how it'll work out in the long run as I feel he won't be there. I'll need extra support due to poor mental health which I don't think would affect my parenting abilities as such, but I don't think my partner would be willing to support me fully as he runs a farm so I don't see him often at all. I spoke to him about feeling like a single parent and he got very offended and said he'll be there to support me. Is there anyone else in this position and how do you make it work?

OP posts:
Mynet101 · 09/06/2022 18:15

Is there no space for you to move in with him or stay weekends maybe? Take the strain off a bit? Parenting is never easy. When I had my girl at 25 we lived apart and didn't move in together until she was 3 so you are not alone.

Its not easy but it will be fine and you will have support from your parents too if only moral and not financial.

Original poster
Fuzzyhippo · 09/06/2022 18:32

Mynet101 · 09/06/2022 18:15

Is there no space for you to move in with him or stay weekends maybe? Take the strain off a bit? Parenting is never easy. When I had my girl at 25 we lived apart and didn't move in together until she was 3 so you are not alone.

Its not easy but it will be fine and you will have support from your parents too if only moral and not financial.

No unfortunately he lives in a caravan so it's far from ideal for living in, I can't stay there for more than one night because it's horrible. At the moment I'm suffering really badly from HG and partner hasn't been there much and I'm struggling. I live with my grandparents but one of which has early dementia and gets so angry and sometimes I don't feel safe. Yet I'm worried if I went to the council they'd put me into temp accommodation but I run a small animal sanctuary at home so I need to be there. It's just so hard and confusing, everyone I know who are my age have 2 kids and their own home. While I'm here being a burden on my family and my partner Sad

OP posts:
BlueBeeSpots · 09/07/2022 09:50

Hi OP I have children with a partner who I don’t live with. He comes around about 2/3 times a week. This was okay at first but I’m starting to feel really resentful of him now.

Whataretheodds · 21/07/2022 16:18

I'm in a slightly different situation but in response to father who is saying 'you won't be on your own' I'm going to ask him 'what do you mean by that'?

I think you need a talk with him about expectations. Would you consider relationship counselling to help you navigate that together?

Dipsydoodlenoodle · 08/08/2022 23:41

My partner lives separate. He comes over on a Friday night, leaves Saturday morning to see his daughter, returns Sat night and leaves Sunday mid-afternoon! No financial help, no support, no nothing. He does help with bits of jobs and making sure dishes are washed for me etc...but I still do all the childcare when he's here (I'm not complaining, I enjoy it).

I am increasingly preferring it when he's not here!

I suffered morning sickness all through pregnancy on my own...then I see comments from OUR mutual friends saying "best dad"...not one comment on me who has grown and does 100% of the work - but best dad spending about 6 hours with our baby per week!

Your circumstances are slightly different if living with him is not an option. Is there an option of living elsewhere together? Or ultimately accepting, you are virtually a single parent.

Original poster
Fuzzyhippo · 09/08/2022 16:42

Dipsydoodlenoodle · 08/08/2022 23:41

My partner lives separate. He comes over on a Friday night, leaves Saturday morning to see his daughter, returns Sat night and leaves Sunday mid-afternoon! No financial help, no support, no nothing. He does help with bits of jobs and making sure dishes are washed for me etc...but I still do all the childcare when he's here (I'm not complaining, I enjoy it).

I am increasingly preferring it when he's not here!

I suffered morning sickness all through pregnancy on my own...then I see comments from OUR mutual friends saying "best dad"...not one comment on me who has grown and does 100% of the work - but best dad spending about 6 hours with our baby per week!

Your circumstances are slightly different if living with him is not an option. Is there an option of living elsewhere together? Or ultimately accepting, you are virtually a single parent.

No unfortunately living together isn't an option, neither of us have any money and can't afford to drive to eachother at the moment let alone renting Sad The situation is getting messier by the day I feel, I currently haven't seen him in weeks as he's been "busy". I definitely consider myself single, and this would be the second time I've been a single parent as was one at 17. At the moment he's just someone I have the occasional fun and go places with, but there's no commitment there I don't think. I said about going to the New Forest for the day for my birthday next month and it was a straight up no. I haven't even had a scan yet or seen a midwife and I must be roughly 5 months gone now. I'm absolutely terrified and my mental health is shot..

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