Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Fuming about total cock up with todays contact.

14 replies

MAMAZON · 12/01/2008 16:06

XP has contact once a month for 3 hours which is to be supervised at all times by a relative who is a very well trained foster carer.
today the contact session was also to be supervised by the court apointed social worker.

the session should start at 11. i arrived a couple of minutes before and waited in teh car.
got to 10 past and i still couldn't see his relatives car (they come down together) so i text to ask if he could confirm he was on his way.
couple of moments later i spotted him, alone.
i got out of the car and asked where XX was. he said she wasn't coming as it was to be supervised by the ISW.

i said that this was not my understanding but that if this was the case where was she.

he said she had called him to say she was waiting for a cabn at the train station.

i was angry at this as i thought that if she was the only one to supervise surely she should have been professional enough to get there on time!

when she arrived at 11;35!!!!! i asked her if she knew shewas to be the only superviser...she gave me a very harrassed look and said no she wasn't and that she herself was angry.
she produced a letter (similar to teh one i had been sent) outlining the plan which was that contact would happen as normal with xx supervising and the ISW woudl supervise them both.
she would use it as a chance to speak with XX about how she felt contact had happened so far.

Basicly xp has taken it upom himself to leave his relative at home, despite this being in contrast to the courts orders.

it also meant that i was left alone with him for more than half an hour!
i was shaking by the time she arrived and just wanted to go home and cry.

i am now just reallty bloody angry about it all.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Avizandum · 12/01/2008 16:24

Oh Mamazon...so sorry about the horrible day that you have had. Get back in touch with your solicitor and tell him/her that your ex is breaching the court order....

edam · 12/01/2008 16:33

Bloody hell mamazon you have every right to be very, very angry indeed. Agree, report it to your solicitor. And if contact is being so badly handled that you are left alone with him, then you need your solicitor to complain to the court about it, I suspect.

MAMAZON · 12/01/2008 16:40

well this is the last contact session before we are back in court again in a couple of weeks.

don't worry i hacve already left a message with my solicitor and i shall call him first thing monday too.

ive been home and hour or so and im still angry

OP posts:
edam · 12/01/2008 16:43

How were the kids?

MAMAZON · 12/01/2008 17:03

they were fine.
he is able to play daddy very well when someone watches.

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 12/01/2008 17:42

God how awful for you.

The thought of spending half an hour alone with an X when you didnt think you would have to is bad enough let alone the whole messing everyone around thing. he sounds very controlling and out to have a go still.

MAMAZON · 12/01/2008 17:45

the reason he requires constant supervision is that he is extremely violant.
he has found me twice since i left.

its just totally unacceptable and yes very controlling of the situation.

im still fuming and getting very frustrated that i can't rant at my sol because its the weekend

OP posts:
Alambil · 12/01/2008 19:08

May I suggest that a clause gets put in the next contact order that states if XX (relative) doesn't come, contact doesn't happen.

I had to do that with my ex - the court let it pass and basically, I got to check that so n so was there and if not - we left and contact was cancelled.

That way, although it doesn't stop him breaching orders, it does mean you have control over him and his behaviour.

Hope you are calmer xx it really is so very stressful (been there myself - know totally how you feel).

edam · 13/01/2008 10:29

I'm sorry, Mamazon, there is no way you should have been put through that. LewisFan's advice sounds good.

MAMAZON · 13/01/2008 21:31

well i think i could legally have ended contact at that point anyway but it would have been unfair to teh children as they were excited to see him.

(why is it that no matter what he does they still think he is the bestthing since sliced bread?)

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 14/01/2008 07:08

There is plenty of research on children of abusers Mamazon. If anything they love their parents more not less. A good Cafcass officer or social worker should be able to spot the difference.

I liken it a bit to dogs and no matter how much they get kicked they still love their master. It is unhealthy respect and love though and needs careful handling.

Tinkerbel6 · 14/01/2008 10:19

Hope you are ok this morning mamazon, what a mess and hope it doesnt happen again

Surfermum · 14/01/2008 14:07

How awful for you. Surely he's shot himself in the foot though by not complying with the court order?

Where are you meeting? Is it a contact centre? I know when dh had to go to one he had to enter via a different entrance to his x so that they didn't meet. The Cafcass Officer/Centre workers collected dsd from her mum and took her to dh. Is this something that might help in future?

(dh is a good egg and there was no need for this arrangement in case anyone's wondering!).

edam · 14/01/2008 14:08

Mamazon, I know some social services depts. run support groups for children affected by domestic violence - is there anything like that near you?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page