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Birthday

5 replies

octobersunshine · 21/05/2022 22:35

Since we got a court order, this is the third birthday of my five year old son where it's fallen on his dad's weekend. On all three occasions, his dad has refused to let me see him. This year, I just asked for an hour to give him presents and a hug and he still said no. Last year, my family and I made a video and sent it to ex an his paternal grandmother after he refused to let me see him, and both deleted the video and didn't show it to my son. I'm loathe to go back to court as it's been such a traumatic process but not being able to see my son on his birthday is really upsetting and I worry about future years. Do you think I should send a solicitors letter to try and engage in mediation? It's very upsetting but compounded by the fact his dad was by choice not involved in the first three years of our son's life and saw him intermittently until he came back into his life and took me to court. It's his birthday tomorrow and I'm going to try and be positive and have a nice day at the gym and the sauna but not being able to see him is really really hard.

OP posts:
Motherchicken · 21/05/2022 22:44

I know this is easier said than done but try to change your mindset about the situation. Focus on the celebration, do it on a day he is with you and make it extra special. At such a young age he has not concept of the actual date. Make memories he won’t forget, he will never remember the exact date.

Capricornandproud · 21/05/2022 22:45

Oh darling. How utterly bloody awful. Someone will be along with wise words but sending you a massive hug for tonight and tomorrow, for you and your boy xx

CandyApplePie · 22/05/2022 11:24

Erm everyone I know that has a CO has alternated birthdays and Xmas and even special occasions like Mother’s Day/Father’s Day, is there a reason why this wasn’t written into the CO? I would be going back to court to change that.

PeekAtYou · 23/05/2022 20:26

Has his birthday always fallen on the weekend or is your ex a shift worker who has manipulated the schedule so that he has had the last 3 birthdays?

What's happening next year ?

If ds is with you and ex demands to see him what will you say? Are you able to say no just the way he did?

When the birthday falls on ex's contact day , it'll be easiest (least conflict) to celebrate the weekend before or after the day for a second birthday.

ineedafairygodmother · 23/05/2022 20:34

I agree with @CandyApplePie
Every CO that I've seen or heard of alternates birthdays and Christmas. Mother's Day spent with mother, Father's Day with father even if it is the other parents allocated time. Personally I'd get it written into the CO if it's not already there and I don't think any judge would withhold that. If you both have solicitors, they could possibly amend the CO by mutual agreement rather than it going back to court unless your ExP would not mutually agree (by the sounds of it, it's doubtful)

Sending hugs for tomorrow though and like other PP's have said, celebrate and make memories with DS on an alternative day until you have it written into the CO Flowers

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