Help! Finances - newly single - can I afford to be?!

[momlife2021]

Hi,

I'd really appreciate others views on this.

I'm currently bringing home £1900 as work full time. Ex earns 70k, and if he can buy me out of current property I'd have £30 which is 50% of equity.

I've got 2 kids (9f, 10m and 2 large dogs).

Where we live I wouldn't be able to afford a mortgage as I don't earn enough for mortgage companies to lend anything near what houses are selling for.

So, looking at renting. I could find a rented property for £900. However with this, then gas/electric/water/council tax/car loan (£200), petrol, food, childcare/activities -would like to keep activities for kids if poss as only but if stability, pet food, plus anything else, I feel I'm going to struggle massively! I've not even thought about furniture! I obvs don't want to waste the equity on renting if I could buy. I've looked into shared ownership but there's o my 2 coming up in area which I don't think I'll be ready for as need to sell or wait for ex to buy me out. How does everyone do it?

Petrified would be an understatement!

How much maintenance will your ex be paying?

If you're the resident parent then 50% of the equity is not enough. You need proper legal and financial advice. Everything should go in the marital pot to be divided; equity, savings, pensions, debts.
Don't let Mr £70K rush you into anything. He is not your friend.

Also look at entitledto.com as you may be eligible for some benefits.

Has a solicitor told you this is a fair split of assets? What will the childcare arrangements be? If it's not 50/50 childcare your ex will need to pay you maintenance. If it is 50/50 he will pay for half of the kids activities, clothes, shoes, pocket money etc.

You may be entitled to benefits if you're renting, but not if you have money in the bank from the equity as you'll be expected to use that to cover rent and bills etc.

I think you need advice from a lawyer if you haven't had it already.

Don't agree to 50% of the equity. Are you the RP?
Have you included maintenance at the minimum rate for him?
Please see a family law solicitor www.lawsociety.org.uk/public/for-public-visitors/find-a-solicitor

Don't let him con you into anything.

We have no savings, and only a joint account which is half the problem as means I can't use this to get legal advice. If I'm honest I'm completely confused by the whole process, been trying to get hold of citizens advice for days but been on hold for an hour and each time it cuts out. We're currently living in the same house and all happy which I think he is doing this to avoid paying more than 50% as he knows I like to avoid drama. It's very frustrating though knowing he's now planning on taking kids on hol and looking at £350k houses on his own when Im stuck only being able to afford a flat at most if buying when I have the kids and want them to have the life we'd planned for them.

He is saying he wants kids 50/50, which would mean he doesn't have to pay maintenance but if he had them 2-3 nights a week, it'd be £600 maintenance. I honestly don't think the 50/50 will work as he is away with work a lot and kids have pretty much done everything with me since they were little.

He very much buried his head in the sand to avoid talking and although says he'll support us he hasn't yet said how much he will give a month. Can you tell I'm at a complete loss! X

You don’t need citizens advice, you need to see a solicitor.

Do not agree to anything until you’ve done this. He’s not being fair.

Make sure he understands what 50/50 means. He can't just have Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights because he works 5 days a week (a judge would say EOW) and he can't have you pick the kids up from school and pick them up from yours on his days. If it's his day then he takes them, picks them up and takes them to his home. If it's school holidays he needs to organise paid childcare or take time off. School holidays are 13 weeks a year and if he has them for 50% that's 6.5 weeks of childcare or time off. If it's his day and the kids are ill then he has to take time off.

I also pushed back when my ex wanted to have them… but wouldn’t/couldn’t commit to when due to his job.

I basically said we’re not putting our lives on hold waiting for your phone call saying “bring them over”.

I know it’s hard when you’re trying to be the reasonable one - but as someone else said, this man is. It your friend.

fuck CAB, you need a lawyer!

PS just in case you need it pointed out. You can spot the moment he stopped being your friend EXACTLY when he started twittering on about 50:50 equity split rather than bending over backwards to make sure the children aren’t affected.

It sounds from your post that you have agreed you are splitting up, is that right? In that case it sounds like you could use the joint account to pay for an appointment with a family lawyer. Or ask him to go to mediation and agree everything there. You can get a grant towards the costs I think.

Yes we've agreed to splitting and your right in that I guess he stopped being my friend/husband when he was taking other women out! 🤦🏼‍♀️. Should I get the house valued/divorce papers or family mediation/legal advice first?

You need a solicitor and to understand exactly what you're entitled to. It will be more than 50% equity if your lowly future earnings are vastly different. Have you had periods out of work or gone PT to look after children ? All this counts for you and against him walking away with 50% house and a career that you have facilitated by looking after his children.

You could test him on the 50/50 custody by starting now... agree a week on week off approach where he does all drops and picks up and bedtimes etc.

Likely not lowly!

Everyone talks about it being 50% but that isn't what a judge may order

I had sole residency for my DCs and got 100% of house equity as my exH had been a dick and emptied out bank accounts including childrens . I got court ordered maintenance and also judge said he would have ordered more if exH hadn't had made himself on verge of bankruptcy.

Just fyi ex H disappeared after 7 years and hasn't paid a penny since. Judge had good measure of him back then...

It I'm very lucky that house has increased in value and that's what I'm suing and trying to downsize to help my children out with now they are hitting adulthood

Using not suing doh

You are married you have far lower earning power. You need to be able to house the DC.

You need a solicitor/lawyer that gets good outcomes in these situations.

You will be likely entitled to more than 50%. What are your pensions like, cars, they are marital assets too.

He will get nasty but you need to house yo ur DC so you need to weather the storm and get as much as possible in order to do that.

No pensions that I know of, other than basic through work, his car is 3x the value of mine. He'll go mad if I pay for a solicitor with the joint account, but good idea about him doing 50/50 doing school and activities starting now.. it definitely won't last long! I'm dreading this getting messy and really don't want it too but I also know that I want to make the best future possible for my kids. Thanks for all the advice, I'm going to search round solicitors in the morning and try and get something arranged and will arrange for the house to be valued too.

He earns £70k is pension is going to be worth a lot more than yours!