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Original poster

Should i keep my big 3 bed house that ex-dh half owns or sell up any buy a flat with my OWN money?

27 replies

allgonebellyup · 10/01/2008 10:00

Ex left in April, we live in a large 3 bed Victorian house, was originally thinking of moving to a similar house but in quieter road with bigger garden. Ex's name is on the mortgage so he owns half, and he pays the mortgage for us every month.
Should i sell up and move us to a small 2 bed flat (i have 2 dc)with the cash left from the sale, thus having independence from him?

i cant decide, if we live in a flat we will have no garden and the dc (girl and boy) will have to share a room for years. Or find 2 bed flat with one huge bedroom so it can be split in two?

Opinions please. im not over my ex and finding it v hard to move on...

OP posts:
Emparade · 10/01/2008 11:01

Financial independence from him will not be entirely poss as he will be paying child support/alimony. Better to find somewhere that suits your needs now and for next 5 years than seek total independence from him however tempting that is at present. Flats are difficult for kids spacewise, plus you are more vunerable to neighbours from hell, financial stuff like maintainence and service charges. Plus the market is crap for flats resale at moment. Stay put and buy him out if poss as part of your settlement. Get professional advice but be cautious about changing too many of your circumstances at once. You have enough to cope with.

isheisnthe · 10/01/2008 11:59

Go to a solicitor! You will be entitled I think to staying in the house until your youngest child reaches 18 or leaves full time education (which ever is that later).

My and my Exp split up in May and he is now buying me out - have you looked at www.homebuy.co.uk - You will meet the criteria as a single parent.

PersephoneSnape · 10/01/2008 12:16

I'd stay where i am - i sold the house when we split and now live in a really rough area. I'm hopefully moving back to civilisation later this year. i have three dcs ( 1 dd and my two ds's) and will probably only be able to afford a 2 bedroom flat. am hoping to get flat with big kitchen and have a kitchen/sitting room so i can turn lounge into a bedroom, or move kitchen to lounge for a kitchen sitting and convert kitchen to a small bedroom.

I'll lose garden when i move. i think it's only really important when dcs are small. my youngest will be 9 by the time i move, we'll be nearer school and am looking for nice enclosed back court or near to park for outside activities.

will miss my own space though - putting out the sheets without walking down tons of stairs or growing lettuces.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 10/01/2008 12:19

ok thanks all

thought you would all tell me to go for the flat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

might still move to a quieter street as we are on v busy/dangerous road, but will obv have to keep his name on mortgage - he doesnt mind.

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ScoobyDoo · 10/01/2008 12:27

Don't move to a flat, we live in a 2 bedroom flat with no garden ok it's ground floor, but dd & ds share a room & to be quite frank it's awful, not enough spcae, feel on top of each other & no garden is a big downer for us as ds & dd are 2 & 5 & loving being outside.

The flat it's self is lovely only about 2 years olf all modern BUT you do get all the noise is well, i hear people stomping around upstairs all night, there washing machine going at about midnight, people with loud music who like parties till 5am over the road.

I would say see where you stand, could you not do shared ownership in your area?

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 10/01/2008 12:31

the shared ownerships lists are sooooooooooo long, ive been on ours for yrs already but as we're not in council housing we are not a priority!

OP posts:
TLV · 10/01/2008 12:54

stay put definitely, I'm in a difficult situation in that its dhs name on the mortgage and we live in a lovely estate tucked into a cul de sac and have a lovely back garden, I really don't want to move and certainly don't want to move into a flat with no garden or a council estate (why should my dd suffer when HE left us)

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 10/01/2008 18:19

i guess it all depends on who earns what.. luckily i earn enough to cover half the mortgage and he pays the other half.. but if i didnt work then i wouldnt expect him to keep paying for our house, and i would deffo sell up.

OP posts:
mistressmiggins · 10/01/2008 19:35

stay put

I have decided to buy ex out of his share of the equity BUT he has only got 30% so I have the lions share
It wil be hard to pay the increased mortgage BUT I didnt want the DCs to have to move as well as lose their dad AND its for our future.

he doesnt have a choice - he cant force you to sell up as has to provide roof til youngest finishes fulltime ed PLUS with one of each sex, you are entitled to a 3 bed house

ditto going to solicitor though or try CAB first as that is free

Tinkerbel6 · 11/01/2008 10:03

AGBU the way you need to look at it is if suddenly he stopped paying the mortgage would you be able to cover the payments on your own? you ex could possibly in the future not want to be tied to the house so could go for it to be sold or even ask you to buy out his share, I would go for a sale and buy a property more suited to your needs and finances, it doesnt have to be a flat it could be a large 2 bedroomed house.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 11/01/2008 10:14

i cant afford a 2 bed house in our area with no mortgage! (my job is cash in hand)
i can barely afford a flat really..
my ex has promised to never stop paying the mortgage..but i am well aware that this may all change once his and his gf's baby comes along!

OP posts:
Tinkerbel6 · 11/01/2008 10:25

you really need a job on the cards, sit and thinks what situation you will be in if he stopped paying the mortgage tomorrow, would you have money at the end of the month to pay it and would you have a paper trail to get a mortgage if you got a solicitors letter tomorrow pushing for a sale ? I wouldnt listen to your ex about always paying the mortgage, once that baby comes along everything will change (as you know yourself), the mortgage payments will most probably stop, he will also want his share of the equity, and his maintenance payments will reduce and it may stop altogether if he finds he wants to reduce his hours, it is a lot to think about and I know you arent stupid but you only have to read message boards on the net to see how many women have been left up sh1t street when an ex has gone back on their word.

Scramble · 11/01/2008 23:38

I thought I would have to keep exH on the mortgage but I went to my mortgage company and checked it all out they are happy for me to take it on myself if exH is willing to sign over.

Not a huge mortgage but I earn a small amount. What swung it was the working and child tax credits, they didn't even have to take exH's maintainance into consideration. But they would have counted it if needed, would have only wanted a formal agreement via solicitor.

So in short I can stay put, exH pays maintainence which happens to be the same as the mortgage payments and house insurance, but I don't let him say he pays the mortgage he pays money for the kids, I pay mortgage. Bit of a control thing for me.

Scramble · 11/01/2008 23:40

I would be seeking a formal seperation agreement through a solicitor. Then check with mortgage comapny what they think about your ability to pay it, counting his maintenance. It is wise to cover yourself especially if changes are on the horizon.

madamez · 11/01/2008 23:45

DOn't do anything without legal advice. get some legal advice and get everything in writing and enforceable so he can't just f off and leave you stranded - or insist on a sale because he wants/needs his share of the equity in the house. Even if he is currently saying, let's be reasonable, no need for solicitors, see* a solicitor because he might change his tune very suddenly and it's much better to have big financial arrangements agreed in the proper legal terms.

Scramble · 11/01/2008 23:46

My exH has agreed a delayed payment of equity, so when I sell the house I have to pay him an amount set now.

Def get something offical and legal agreed and signed.

Paddlechick666 · 12/01/2008 13:39

going to buck the trend here as i have just bought my own flat and am so relieved and feel so much better for having done it.

now i can sort out proper maintenance for dd instead of h saying his money was paying for the house etc.

having said that, it's a large 2 bed and i only have 1 dc. it's also top floor altho the people downstairs are a bit noisy. there's a communal garden and i have ground floor storage for all dd's garden toys etc.

the area isn't great tbh and it's a pain getting up the stairs especially with a 2yr old in tow!

ultimately tho i am independent and on the property ladder and altho the local school is good i hope we will have moved by the time dd goes to secondary school.

i have made some adjustments like getting shopping delivered and buying a washer/dryer and putting up with an airer in my bedroom. there's a hanging area outside i can use in the summer tho.

either way, seek legal advice and get your future secured one way or another.

HappyMummyOfOne · 12/01/2008 23:11

I echo what the others have said, make sure you have means of meeting the mortgage payments if he stops paying. Once he has the new baby it could all change.

If selling and moving to your own place means you never have to worry and mortgage/rent again then personally I would go with this option. Its the most secure one for your child/children.

Whilst he may be paying now, he may wish to move in the future meaning his own mortgage increases, he may loss his job, have more children etc.

Flibbertyjibbet · 12/01/2008 23:28

This is one of the situations that solicitors refer to as having 'potential for conflict'.
Get legal advice.
Get agreements in writing and signed.
It may be amicable now, but its probably only a matter of time before he gets fed up paying half the mortgage on a house that someone else lives in.
Also, you can't have it both ways. If your job is cash in hand you won't be able to prove any income to get a mortage in the future when he does decide that he wants you to sell.
If you get a job with tax etc, you could sell the house you are in, and then take out some mortage to top up the money you get from the sale of current house, to buy your own house. You can't do that if you work cash in hand.

Quattrocento · 12/01/2008 23:31

Say he meets someone else a couple of years down the line. They get together, have children, money's tight ... Which particular overhead do you think they are likely to cut?

Get it all legal.

HappyMummyOfOne · 13/01/2008 09:02

If you are working cash in hand, you'll also not be able to claim WTC etc in the event he does stop paying and you need financial assistance.

Much better to get your own place now and get straight from the start rather than in a couple of years be facing repossession as he cant afford the payments as well as his living costs with his new family.

Paddlechick666 · 13/01/2008 09:06

btw, last summer i though i'd exhausted all my mortgage options including housing association and open market homebuy. the alleged affordable housing schemes the government offer which are just atrocious really.

anyways, another MN-er on one another thread put me in touch with her DP who is a mortgage consultant. he sorted me out with an affordable mortgage from a high street lender within a week.

if you'd like his details please cat me and i'll point my friend to this thread and she can post his information for you.

explore all your options!

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 13/01/2008 10:36

Quattro - he already has met someone else with a baby on the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

OP posts:
Original poster
allgonebellyup · 13/01/2008 10:36

thanks paddlechick, i am coming to the conclusion that i will just sell up.

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Original poster
allgonebellyup · 13/01/2008 10:37

Although i am hoping to do teacher training next year so will have proper income in a couple of years!

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