Single mums, how do you exercise? Is anyone else absolutely exhausted?

[TwoAndMe]

Im a single parent (have been for 12 years). I work 4 days a week. It's a very intense day. I have one day off to clean, do the washing, food shop, catch up on what needs fixing/organising/booking as well as the school run and walking the dog. Weekends are washing, stripping bed ironing, picking up, dropping off, cleaning the car, gardening etc and everything else that needs doing. I try to have a day of doing something with my dcs, park, cinema, pamper, visiting family, whatever we decide. Week days, I set off at 7.30 and home at 6.30, then cook tea, eat tea, catch up with dcs, make snacks bath, pj's = absolutely exhausted. Eyes feel like sand paper. Brain fog.
Oh and bins, hate bin day.
I feel guilty as I have all good intentions (as I'm quite stiff and have an aching back) to do something but I just don't! My dcs are 14 and 16 so no excuse. My only excuse is I'm just so tired.
How do people do it?
Or don't you?
I'm almost mid 40's and my Instagram is covered in middle aged women talking about health benefits of exercise throughout peri menopause/menopause (health in general). I envy their stamina. I want to cry into my phone sometimes.
Sorry, I'm feeling sorry for myself today.

Get your kids do stuff.

They can do or at the very least help with:

Strip beds and put on the wash
Walk the dog
Make themselves snacks
The bins
Ironing
Cook tea once a week
Cleaning car
Gardening

Don't be a martyr when you have two teen DC who are presumably able to be more independent and helpful.

Also, surely if you're walking the dog, that's an opportunity to at least briskly walk or start couch to 5k with it?

Mine are 15 and 12. I have to admit that I'm finding it difficult to fit exercise in this year as they've started doing more themselves (after school clubs, etc).

Generally, I try to do a couple of things in the evenings and something at the weekend (possibly with the kids).

It is a bit easier wfh cos I can put laundry in, put hoover round at lunchtime, etc

Lone parent to 11 and 9 yo here. I work full time and feel like I rarely sit down at home. That's exercise enough for me. There's HRT for menopause

You won't like my answer...!

Single parent to 3 DC, work full time & kids do a LOT of sport.

I exercise at 6 each day, up at 520. HIIT, Spin, Weights.

Yes it's tough. But I love it & am like a madwoman without exercise.

However, I parked just now after dropping DC to their sport & fell asleep in the car so 🤷🏻‍♀️

EarringsandLipstick oh WOW! That's amazing! Howwwwww? 😫

Thanks all! The dcs do help too but do alot themselves out of school. Maybe I should get them to cook once a week, good idea. Not sure how messy my kitchen may end up but it's worth a try.

They walk the dog too. Some nights, I don't even do that. I have an appointment with a physio next week, I'm going to mention about my aching.
Oh, I really really couldn't run. I get so out of breath since have covid. I do need to push myself to walk more. I have just purchased a fitbit to hopefully motivate me to get my steps in.
MixedClassBaby I understand. I do sometimes think am I doing enough already. I'm going to monitor my steps today at work.

Same situation as you. Mine are 11 and 13. Get them to do jobs round the house. I sit them down with there dinner at 530 them.i go for an hours walk, run locally. Or I go out 6am walk or bootcamp class. Like one of your replies said. If I don't do exercise I get angry and mad !!! You can fit it in just do less house stuff. Bins are the 13 year old job. Beds are the 11 year olds job. No after school activities or sports drops picks, sod that. Can't be a taxi driver as well. Oh znd I go out once a week to the pub. The neighbour babysitter! For my sanity

You might actually be doing more than you think. Yes it’s not Hiit or weight lifting. However housework counts as exercise in my app. Count the steps in your day, I bet you walk a good number just by doing what you are doing! Can you stand up and sit down from your chair a bit more than necessary at work? That’s squats. When you do housework, bring the shopping home etc be mindful of squeezing your muscles, or your back could be sore because you don’t use your tummy muscles enough. Try to use them when you get out of bed, move things around, any time really, and see if it helps. It will help with your abdominals!!

you have a right to be tired, it’s not always possible to be superwomen!!

I started mid-forties when DS was 3. I would run after ds was asleep in the evenings, but I couldn't leave him and had no babysitter, so I used to run up and down the road outside my house 😀 I'd open a window so I'd hear a smoke alarm and always stayed within sight of the front door. God knows what the neighbours thought.

When ds was 6 he started a martial arts class so I joined too. Great for flexibility and endurance. When ds was 8 I left him with his breakfast and a phone, and ran the local Park Run on a Saturday morning. Now he's a teen I exercise evenings and weekends.

The more fit you are, the easier it gets.

Single mum of 2 teenagers and work full time. I now schedule exercise into my working day. We have a gym at work and when working from home I did a zoom gym. But that’s because I pay a personal trainer for 2 x 1 hour per week otherwise I would never do it. I have a cleaner once a week to change beds, clean floors, kitchen, bathroom and toilets plus the ironing - all the heavy jobs - and I have help cooking 3 times a week - no more need for a nanny. So I am lucky I can throw money at it basically to then free up 2 hours for me. But yes it is exhausting to be by yourself and many a time on a Sunday night I sigh when I realise I have no adult help to take the rubbish out. Don’t fret too much. It won’t be long before they are gone so make the most of being together.

If you say you've had covid the aching could be an after effect of that: when I had covid I ached for months afterwards. I felt like I was 100 years old. Every part of my body ached. It has passed now:

Your dc should be helping a lot more. Daily chores to keep on top of things, their own washing and ironing. Cooking for sure. They need to be functioning adults soon, so they have to know how to cook!

The only way to feel less exhausted is to do less, especially when your dc are more than capable of helping and being responsible for their own stuff.

oh WOW! That's amazing! Howwwwww?

Honestly it's cos I'm a mess physically & mentally without it!

But - as I said, it comes at a cost. I'm shattered by 8, that when various DCs need picking up, house needs sorting. I also end up snappy & bad tempered.

But I have no social life, and v little support w my kids. This is about the only thing is do for me, so it matters.

The kids know it's a priority for me; they are all v active & sporty so it's kind of a shared thing too

Yep, me!

I work almost full time in NHS, have a commute & majority care.

I try to exercise in the time their dad takes them (1 evening a week, EOW & 50% of holidays).

Youngest has just turned 9, so I'm going to start leaving them for 20 mins in summer while I do a short run, building up gradually to being out for 5K.

I bought a home airwalker / cross trainer thing from argos (just a cheap one). I have a small living room but needs must. As it's there close by I have less excuses (and I don't have time to get . I try to do 1 minute a day minimum. Then built up to doing 1 minute 4 times a day or so. It is slowly building up. Tiny doses regularly is the key to creating a habit. Keep your goal super small and manageable. Aim for that one minute only each day! You will soon find the habit grows a little and you end up finding other ways of incorporating exercise into your day (walk around the block, long walk in the evening), or that you are able to do longer on it (5 - 10 mins etc). Find ways of exercising together as a family in the little free time you have. better on your days off because you are less tired.

*And i don't have time to get out (should say out!).

Thankyou everyone for your advice.
I have now got a fitbit. I am challenging myself to do 10,000 steps a day. I'm trying to go over goal at weekends so I don't put pressure on myself during the week.
I have started a 10 minute pilates stretch in the mornings. It's not much but psychologically, I'm feeling like I'm doing something to move forward. Small steps like you have advised.
My dcs helped out around the house, but I'm trying to get them to do a little more, bit by bit.
I am hoping to find some motivation to go swimming once I week too. Maybe soon.
I'm actually questioning if I'm peri menopausal. I'm going to see a gp as my breathing is terrible since having covid and I feel like I'm having pressure headaches.
Thankyou all so so much.

I sacrifice housework in order to workout

this is good inspiration for starting an exercise routine OP

Canicross with the dog? Zumba which feels more like dancing? I know what you mean though

When you said you were doing bath, pjs, making snacks I thought you were going to say you had 2 primary aged children. But they are 14 and 16.

You have a long day at work. You are doing tonnes of housework and chores and you are tired.

What can you fix? Why do you need to clean the car every week? What are you ironing? What chores are your children doing?
Do you get a lunch break? When do you like to do sport?

I have a 13yo at home - he doesn't seem to want to spend as much time with me as yours do with you so now I can leave him home alone I'm able to do loads more than I was. I do work from home (have done for years) which really helps (no commute, able to do chores here and there).
I swim twice a week during the day, run 3 times a week in the (2 evenings and 1 w/e) and do 2 boot camps. Apart from the long run at the w/e, each of these activities take about an hour. It makes me sad and resentful if I can't forge an hour of the whole day to do something I love and is important for me. I also think it's important that DS sees me putting myself first.

That said, I am chronically sleep deprived because I stay up late getting everything that needs to be done done.

I am 51 and perimenopausal and have added the boot camp in quite recently as I want to do strength work.

My more dynamic single parent friends have got up at 5am to do their one hour exercise before the day starts. You tube or a dvd.

You will also need to assess if you are eating densely nutritious foods as well as vitamins and supplements where needed plus drink plenty of water.

I find yoga is my thing and am now doing 40 mins 4 times a week.

I work 3 days a week and exercise on my days off. I also negotiated a start time of 9:30 so I can walk to work after the dc's are off to school, the money I lose in wages is cancelled out by not having to use the car as much. And I usually go to parkrun with my eldest on a Saturday.
It's been very hard and menopause has battered my body as well as having a teen with massive MH issues.

I’m also a 40 yr old single mum and work 4 days but my kids are still small. To me it sounds like you are fairly active already!
i had to suspend all my classes as ex wouldn’t have my kids overnight so I don’t have childcare and like you, need the only one day off for chores, running errands, appointments etc. People don’t always get it how little time some of us have!
i try to be active when I’m with the kids though eg have a little dance to YouTube just dance videos, go on a bike ride with them, try to accompany them to junior Parkrun, occasionally go swimming with them etc. It’s not training for a marathon, but it’s something.