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Original poster

Father not keeping up with court order

29 replies

Vikki1994 · 16/04/2022 00:43

Hi everyone, I was wondering if people could give me some advice. My ex took me to court a year and half ago and we made arrangements through the court with access to our son, but my ex is not keeping up with any of the arrangements. As it is Easter holidays it says in the court order that it needs to be split up so I have little man for 2 days and ex has him for 2 days but I texted ex today asking what he was doing on Monday to see if he was talking little man out and his response was I am working 😡. Is there anything I can do as if it wasn't for me arranging everything to keep to the court order nothing would be happening as he does not seem bothered but he was the one that took me to court in the first place?

OP posts:
AHungryCaterpillar · 16/04/2022 00:54

No there isn’t sorry as a court order just means you need to make them available, doesn’t mean he needs to stick to it.

unicornsarereal72 · 16/04/2022 06:58

You can't make anyone step up and parent. It is your job to have your son available. If he doesn't show then you get on with your day. Stop wasting your time trying to organise him. Let him be and enjoy your time with your son.

AchillesPoirot · 16/04/2022 07:03

Sorry but as others have said you can’t make him take the child.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/04/2022 07:04

Did he take you to court to punish you and also not turn up to punish you?

LaurieFairyCake · 16/04/2022 07:05

If you're getting less child maintenance because of the days he is supposed to have him then go back to CMS and ask for a readjustment

IAMGE · 16/04/2022 07:06

@AHungryCaterpillar

No there isn’t sorry as a court order just means you need to make them available, doesn’t mean he needs to stick to it.
But if he continually doesn’t do it - and make sure you have text and email evidence - you being more than nice and kind etc and him saying no. You can apply to vary the other accordingly. Ie reduce contact unlikely to happen as a poster I’ve quoted says it usually says mother shall make contact available on …. Not that father has to take it - and this is why absent parents like this get away with destroying holidays or work for the resident parent.
Dairymilk50 · 16/04/2022 07:15

Has this happened before? Commicate VIA email from now on so you have proof.

Copy the Courts into your email too and contact them. I did this and my ex agreed so fast to resume his parental role.
Go back to Courts if needs be don't just let it lie without trying first.

Tlollj · 16/04/2022 07:19

So he doesn’t see him then. Good more for you.

Original poster
Vikki1994 · 16/04/2022 08:47

@LaurieFairyCake

If you're getting less child maintenance because of the days he is supposed to have him then go back to CMS and ask for a readjustment
I don't do child maintenance through CMS, as ex wanted to go through there but then he changed his mind and now he just sends it to my bank on a weekly basis but I do feel the payment needs to go up
OP posts:
Original poster
Vikki1994 · 16/04/2022 08:50

@Dairymilk50

Has this happened before? Commicate VIA email from now on so you have proof.

Copy the Courts into your email too and contact them. I did this and my ex agreed so fast to resume his parental role.
Go back to Courts if needs be don't just let it lie without trying first.

Yeah I have text messages that I have sent to him asking what he was doing on Monday and where he has said he is working. It is just so annoying that I have to make the arrangements and he don't seem to bother asking me
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endofthelinefinally · 16/04/2022 08:54

He has got everything sewn up the way he wants it.
All communication by email only. Keep a diary. If you need to use child care when he doesn't turn up document that too. Never tell your child that his dad is coming, always have a plan B. Stipulate a time for pick up and a deadline after which you will go to Plan B.
Once you have your documented evidence you can inform the court and go through CMS.

Original poster
Vikki1994 · 16/04/2022 08:55

@Tlollj

So he doesn’t see him then. Good more for you.
He sees him on his weekends but the other times he has stated in the court order (e.g. Sons birthday (he was working and was meant to see him), Ex wanted him on his birthday but again never arranged anything, and now Easter he is meant to have 2 days, he is seeing him for an hour tomorrow (Sunday) as meeting his mum to give son Easter egg but Monday he is working so he is not going to have him for the 2 days stated in the court order
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Dairymilk50 · 16/04/2022 09:01

Email from now because it's a lot easier to have a paper trail and attach and upload. Is your DC only very young? Is that why the pattern is 2 days out of the easter hols?

I remember reading the party who isn't sticking to the legal binding agreement can be fined as a result.

I know the feeling its tiring emotionally and frustrating.

FelicityPike · 16/04/2022 09:01

So who’s watching him on Monday? Dad has to sort that, not you.
Dad has him Sunday & Monday according to the court order?
You’re super busy and going away tomorrow when dad collects him….aren’t you?

Original poster
Vikki1994 · 16/04/2022 09:02

@endofthelinefinally

He has got everything sewn up the way he wants it. All communication by email only. Keep a diary. If you need to use child care when he doesn't turn up document that too. Never tell your child that his dad is coming, always have a plan B. Stipulate a time for pick up and a deadline after which you will go to Plan B. Once you have your documented evidence you can inform the court and go through CMS.
All our communication goes through text but I have kept them all and I will keep a diary for no show or him not sticking to the days stated. Ex won't go through Child maintenance service, because he wants to pay me direct to my bank account. I set it all up when we split up but he wanted to pay to my bank account but I feel the payments need to go up with everything going up now
OP posts:
FelicityPike · 16/04/2022 09:02

Ahh I read it wrong, sorry.

Bobbybobbins · 16/04/2022 09:04

Go through CMS even if he doesn't want it then they will be able to figure out the correct amount.

Original poster
Vikki1994 · 16/04/2022 09:06

@Dairymilk50

Email from now because it's a lot easier to have a paper trail and attach and upload. Is your DC only very young? Is that why the pattern is 2 days out of the easter hols?

I remember reading the party who isn't sticking to the legal binding agreement can be fined as a result.

I know the feeling its tiring emotionally and frustrating.

I can't email him I can only communicate by text as another thing has happened regarding ex and he has not got a phone to receive emails on but I can screenshot the texts. My son is 5 years old and yeah it is emotionally frustrating because I am trying my best to stick to the court order and he don't seem bothered but he was happy enough to take me to court
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LittleOwl153 · 16/04/2022 09:09

Ex doesn't get a choice about going through child maintenance service. You apply he complies...

He won't want to go through CMS as they will likely tell him he needs to be paying more than he is currently getting away with. Your child is entitled to 12% of his salary (although he will get some reduction if he has him overnight)

(The only reason you wouldn't is if he is self employed as currently CMS are lazy and allow self employed parents to hide income.)

Original poster
Vikki1994 · 16/04/2022 09:11

@FelicityPike

So who’s watching him on Monday? Dad has to sort that, not you. Dad has him Sunday & Monday according to the court order? You’re super busy and going away tomorrow when dad collects him….aren’t you?
No im not going away, I will be having son on Monday then if he is working to take son out for the day and yeah that is what it is according to the court order Sunday & Monday but ex has a new gf so this weekend he is with her but that's why I texted him about Monday to see what he is doing and that's when he said he is working and he then replied with why? Surely ex should know why I am texting him if he knows what is in the court order.
OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 16/04/2022 09:12

Oh and you can ask CMS to calculate what you're entitled to and ex can then still pay direct which avoids the fees but means that CMS keep an eye and crucially you can go back to them to enforce if he stops paying or pays less.

JusticeSystem · 16/04/2022 09:18

Probably not helpful but I'd love to be in your position. I NEED my ex to refuse to show be or the children as they re not okay alone with him and proving it can be quite difficult.

But also, would you REALLY want to have a court order to force him to take a child when he doesn't want to? Can you imagine how that will be for the child? A forced parent won't be able to hide their true feelings however hard they might try and id hazard a guess someone who doesn't want o be round their kids won't want to hide it either.

Totally best off with you.

Original poster
Vikki1994 · 16/04/2022 09:23

@JusticeSystem

Probably not helpful but I'd love to be in your position. I NEED my ex to refuse to show be or the children as they re not okay alone with him and proving it can be quite difficult.

But also, would you REALLY want to have a court order to force him to take a child when he doesn't want to? Can you imagine how that will be for the child? A forced parent won't be able to hide their true feelings however hard they might try and id hazard a guess someone who doesn't want o be round their kids won't want to hide it either.

Totally best off with you.

Ex was the one that took me to court for the arrangements and now he don't stick to them!
OP posts:
JusticeSystem · 16/04/2022 10:06

Even so... that fact he took you to court suggests you didn't really want that in the first place? Sounds like he just wanted to win. He wasn't controlling by any chance?!

Original poster
Vikki1994 · 16/04/2022 10:13

@JusticeSystem

Even so... that fact he took you to court suggests you didn't really want that in the first place? Sounds like he just wanted to win. He wasn't controlling by any chance?!
I wasn't expecting it from him as ex was having the same amount of time with son anyway, think his family was behind taking me to court aswell to be honest
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