Contact

[AHungryCaterpillar]

Does anyone’s ex see their child(ren) for a couple of hours once a fortnight either by just picking them up for the day taking them out to eat or cinema etc and then bringing them back? (No over nights) just wondering if it works well?

Depends on SO much Op

Just looking for people who have that type of contact and how well it works? Not sure what it would depend on?

Seriously?

If the father is shit, then minimal contact like this is ideal.

If the father is very involved and a good father, then I can’t see this situation working for anyone. Him, you, and most importantly the children

Yes he has one of them for an hour twice a week as requested by him he never prioritises them or there feelings dumped them completely over lockdown I would rather no contact if I'm honest with myself because it's pointless in my situation

Maybe it works for some for me its a tense hour waiting to see what gaslighting bullshit he has said to ds the last time he was badgering me "has dad text yet? Not that YOU would tell me" I showed him my phone told him to not blame me for his dad's behaviour ever again its unpleasant

Oh that’s rubbish, I assumed some contact would be better than none?

Eow for one day is all the father is willing to see them so just trying to establish How well it works and if it bothers the children or they are ok with it. I know a Lot of children don’t like staying over night anyway from reading threads on here.

How old is your son?

Once a fortnight for a couple of hours with a shit dad. Yes, I’d be happy with that because so minima

We don’t just have one child we have 4. He currently isn’t having any contact (again his choice) but I’m thinking some type of contact is better than nothing and this is all he is able to commit to, I’ve posted on another group and have had a lot more positive feedback of how if works so I guess it’s just down to the individual situation.

My dad used to have us every Saturday (it may have been every other Saturday) and take us to our nan's house. He would take my brother to football and I would play with my cousin (of the same age). It meant we all got to see each other and my mum always says it was because he didn't know what to do with a little girl (not in a mean way). It worked well for us. I have very happy memories of those times.

That’s good to hear Leah2005 thinking about it I never stayed over night at my own dads house, he just use to take us out occasionally probably once a month! and I don’t remember being scarred by it..

I think that the key thing is regularity.

How old are the kids? Are they an age where the time you're suggesting might not be convenient because they'd rather hang out with friends?

If he reliably turns up for 2 hour contact then that's much better than being flaky about overnight contact.

Does he pay maintenance? If he doesn't then I'm not sure that I would count on him paying for activities like meals out and cinema?

No maintenance. The kids are 11 10 8 and 4 the 2 oldest don’t meet up with friends though I realise that may change as they get a bit older. It would only be ever other Saturday anyway so they would still have a free weekend if/when that changes

If one of them had a party, would he take them?

I think that taking 4 kids out will be really hard in the autumn/winter months and rainy days, even if he has a car. I have 3 kids with 6 years between oldest and youngest and it was hard enough taking them all out to the shops, park etc but if he has something that would work eg a drive to McDonalds then I think the kids would like that.

Does he live near you? Hanging out for a couple of hours at his house is obviously the easiest and cheapest way to look after 4.

My ex has EOW contact (overnight) for the past 10 years which isn't much but he's been consistent which I think helps a lot. I suspect that consistency is more important than contact which might or might not happen so if he can commit then a couple of hours will have to do.

I think as long as it’s consistent is the key things for kids.

My ex is pretty useless but I notice my kid is always more settled and ok when it’s consistent even if not very much.

They don’t get many party invites tbh for that to be a problem, my daughter started reception this year and hasn’t had a single invite so can’t see that being much of an issue but if it was he would be fine with cancelling and me taking them instead. (Not something he would want to do) he lives 2 hours away from me so doesn’t want to take them to his as it would be 4 hours of travelling in one day with them which doesn’t make much sense (he doesn’t drive) He’s fine with coming down to see them instead of taking them. I’m on my own with them and I have to take them literally everywhere with me so I guess he will just have to managed. He doesn’t want to have them overnight due to his living arrangements.

Just to add if a dad has his kids overnight eow they would go out wouldn’t they? They wouldn’t just stay in all weekend? So this would be like that but without
The sleeping over so really should be cheaper/easier for him than having them for a whole weekend.