Coparenting arrangement

[newlyseparated]

Hi - I’m keen to hear what coparenting arrangement you have (especially for very small children (2 under 3). How did you come to it? Did you feel forced to give the other parent more because you were scared of court? How do you manage overnights (if at all)? How do you cope with the time away from your child/children?
I’m trying to come up with an arrangement - my ex is incredibly demanding and has been emotionally abusive but I’m terrified of court and ending up with 50/50 which I think would be very bad for my children at this age. I think he is driven by anger and revenge and doesn’t even really want 50/50 he’s just doing it to punish me. He did about 5% of the childcare when we were together. I’ve heard terrible things about courts being really pro fathers even if they’re emotionally abusive

My ex comes over twice a week for tea and takes the toddler out for the day every other Sunday. Suits us both at the moment - when they're older and I'm back in work full time we can do every other weekend but noone is ready for that yet

@newlyseparated I think you can get an order that stops him from repeatedly taking you to court but I've never had to pursue it so not sure on details

@User5643638 you must have a good relationship to be having him for tea? Was it always amicable? It’s so awful and hostile that he won’t be in the same room as me without kicking off so it makes it extra hard to make arrangements

@newlyseparated it's more that I'd rather have him over than the kids be away from me at any point so lesser of two evils! But he's actually fine at the moment, the split wasn't very nice but were still friends so I'm lucky really

I agree. Let him have 50/50. You will cope, have some free time as well for yourself. It is hard but you get used to it. If he's a dad father, you'll find out and go from there. Maybe he will surprise you and step up?