Im a single mum to my wonderful 17 month old boy. Just after I split with his dad I discovered I was pregnant, at first I said I cant keep the baby, got to the abortion appointment and guilt kicked in and I just couldnt go ahead. The guilt of what if this is the only chance of giving my little boy a sibling, the guilt of I always wanted 2 children close in age like I had with my siblings, the guilt of my first wasant exactly planned but I kept him without a question and no regret.
Now im 26 weeks pregnant and looking back thinking did I make the right decision to keep this baby. When I found out I was pregnant my little boy had no attachment issues to me, would happly go to anyone and didnt care if I left the room but recently hes become very attached, cries every time I leave him at nursery or with any family or friends, even with his dad and cries when im out of sight. Again at the time when I found out I was pregnant my little boy slept in his own cot, in his own room and most nights slept through the night and if he did wake up was easily settled, now he sleeps in his cot at the end of my bed due to him waking up so much in the night and by 2am hes in my bed co-sleeping as its the only way I will get sleep, bad habit I know but this wouldnt be a problem if i wasant pregnant as he would eventualy grow out of it. But now i feel pressured to push him out of my room, back to his own room in time for the baby. But i do enjoy the night cuddles we get and i dont want to give them up, hes still my baby.
Im scared we have bonded so much and gotten so much more closer the past few months that the baby is going to destroy it all and my little boy will hate me for it. I feel so selfish for whats about to happen to my boys world where hes the centre of my attention and hes going to have no choice but to share me.
Im led in bed crying reading this. As much as I want this baby and how I cant wait for pregnancy to be over with (horrible every day sickness) and im excited for this baby to be here, part of me dosent want this wrecking ball to come into our lives and part of me feels like ive made a very bad decision. Im not sure im ready for this big change in our lives and how I will cope or how my little boy will cope. Im so scared for what is to come. My baby is still a baby and I feel like im forcing him to grow up.