ALONE AND UPSET CONT....

[LoneLou]

I'm at the stage now where I want my X back I'm struggling at times. I have to see him everyday because he picks ds up from school coz I'm at work, used to do this before the split.

I seen X yesterday and we had a chat it ended up in me begging him to come back, I'll regret this further down the line I know. I miss him so much though.

DS is coping well, just keeps saying whens daddy coming back, I'm fair and do tell him daddy still loves him.

Help my heart is broken!!

i know its not easy, going thro the same thing myself but you need to stop asking him back, ask yourself what was life like before him and yes you did have a life before him, keep busy and take care of yourself (go onto relationships and read some posts on there, read mine as some mums have offered some fab advice) my dh actually rang me last night! shock and said he would call today (and he didn't speak to dd) when you distance yourself from him he will start to wonder whats going on, hell i fixed my boiler this morning and i will be the first to admit i would have been on the phone to dh

lou i am going through the exact same thing, since about july, and it just wont go away. i just feel like it will never change and i will be stuck like this (wanting him back) for the rest of my life.

It must be hard for you to see him every day, i see my ex every weekend and it stops me moving on i think, so it must be extremely hard for you.Sometimes we text each other several times a day, but its only stuff about the kids, nothing more.

The only thing i do is stop texting him all the time and try to concentrate on other stuff.. i have tried to find another bloke but that aint happening either!

is there any way you can avoid him at all??

Don't feel bad about begging him to come back. I begged xh to stay, promised I'd change however I needed to etc etc.
I now know that he was the one who should change, not me, that I was a good wife and that he's the one with the problems.
I don't regret begging because if I hadn't I would've wondered now what could've happened. It's too late now because I don't want him back anymore.

Is that the only good thing about xh not caring about seeing the kids then? That I don't have to see him either!

Avoiding your ex totally is not a good idea. My ex does this to me.

I've got my third court hearing this week because she avoids me totally and refuses any discussion at all concerning our son.

A stitch in time saves nine. It will be painful and painful - but the sooner you are able to build up a post-couple relationship, the easier it will be for everyone concerned. If you communicate small problems get resolved, as opposed to turning into massive ones.

Sorry Lostdad - i didnt mean avoiding your ex so he doesnt get to see the kids, i just meant maybe is there anyone else who can step in so you dont have to see so much of each other??

Thing is I've thought about arranging for ds to go to child minder after school but is that selfish? because I don't want to see him obviously ds wants to see him and I don't want to get in the way of that we both want ds to see his daddy. It's just so hard to please everyone, obviously ds comes first at all times. I also want to move out of this house, the house I shared with X, coz of memories but that could be unsettling for ds to move school, I don't want to be selfish in any way regarding ds.

I also feel like the few people that I do talk to are thinking 'oh my god here she goes again' (does anyone know what I am)

I know where you are yes - it helps that my XH is a bit of a muppet at times thou! lol. how long ago did you split? could you get your X to drop your DS off at your friends/parents etc for 5 mins then you collect him - might help?

XH talks to me about his day - he'll ring and want to keep me talking on the phone - isn't intrested in DS at all. infact on friday he was flirting and trying to be touchy feely - every time I think ooh maybe we'll see he will do something which will remind me of why us splitting up is the best thing for DS & me, both of us deserve better.

I agree with TVL - keep busy go out find an activity chat online to some people if you wish - that's how I started getting more confident (along with a new wardrobe! lol) think H is realising what he's missing but then again apparently he's 'counting the days till we move ' when I heard that in the early days would have been so upset cancelled my night out etc etc, but this time my response was yeah well so am I! it's hard to get to that point but the only way i've done it is to shut off completely from him - and think yeah yeah stop talking when he tries to talk about anything other than DS.

No worries allgonebellyup - but avoiding communication is still not a good thing. My ex communicated via my (now ex) inlaws although there was precious little of that - just passing on what she wanted.

My exFIL ended up calling the police on me as a result of this state of affairs over nothing. It did nothing but harm.

If you use a go between you start playing Chinese whispers and you increase the change of misunderstanding. If the go between is a solicitor, doubly so and before you know it you're paying £185 per hour for something that previous cost nothing.

It really is such a painful time and you can't fast track your emotions. I seperated in July 07 but because of circumstances we are livng in seperate rooms in the same house. It is fairly amicable but it hurts that he doesn't love me after 13 yrs of marriage.There isn't any one else involved on either side.( bothers me he would rather be by him self than me).

I go through so many ups and downs especially as you not only lose a husband but your best friend too.

It is easy to dwell on all the good times. When you are in a more neutral mind right a list of all his good points and then all the things that you hated bad habits etc. It helps to refer back to his poor qualities list and you can generally see that you are still in love with what you want him to be and not what he really is.

I miss the companionship and the romance so much.Yes I may never meet anyone again but there is just as much chance I will.

I believe I was too willing to accept marriage as better than nothing.It would have destroyed me even more so if it had gone on longer. I do think things happen for the best even though it doesn't appear so at the time.

I agree people who haven't been through a speration can't fully appreciate how awful it is but I guess thats why we all keep using Mumsnet to help with our sanity.

Time does help things to level out and I was told by a friend to stop searching for the right answer to everything there isn't one. Try something and change and adapt to suit what works for you.

You will have more reserves in you than you think you have and it will raise your confidence when you try. You are also allowed to feel sorry for yourself....bad things happen to good people.We only get one life and we are in charge of our own destiny.

He walked out on me New years day just gone davidtennantmistress take a look at my other conversation 'alone and upset'

In a matter of a week he has walked out on me and ds for another woman (whom he's been seeing for 2 months) introduced ds to HER as friend, and I've seen them together out and about.
But you know what people on here have really helped and I know I'll get through this I have to for ds.

Thanks millions everyone xxxxxxx

Lostdad i only said avoid communication meaning speak to each other as little as possible - the point being that Lou is still hung up on her ex.
im in the same position with my ex and it is horrible having long conversations/cups of tea whilst you are desperate to scream at them "come back home!!!!"

It is impossible to get rid of your feelings for someone if you are seeing them all the time in the hope that they will change their mind and come back...
So keep it v short and sweet!!!

allgonebellyup thats exactly how it is long chats cups of tea, it is hard to not keep asking him back. I've now decided that I'm not going to ask him again now I've let him know how I feel and I'm not going to ask again because I know I can get over him just take time, I told X yesterday I didn't want to have chats with him just say hello, goodbye etc and you know what he didn't seem to like that?????????? but I'm sticking to my guns.

allgonebellyup you situation sounds exectly like mine if you like to contact me privately just to chat and bitch about X....lol heres my e-mail [email protected]

it's still very early days for you, and everything is still very very raw, so don't get upset/beat yourself up about asking him back - honestly I think we've all been there at some point - even after 8 weeks I sent XH a message (finally broke after being strong) saying I wanted him back. but slowly things do get better.

the only thing that helps (well has for me tbh) is to be completely robotic give nothing away and show no emotions unless it's concerning DS I don't want to know about it. XH trys to tlak about his general day to day but I'm not interested.

Only thing I would say is we're in a place where he walks into my house (the one we shared) goes to see DS I make a cup of tea etc we can hold a civil conversation about general talk but in the early days it would have been too much - if he wants a tea he can make it himself. either that or don't ask him in, keep him at the door say thanks see you tomorrow bye.