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Feel very guilty

4 replies

Mam576 · 05/04/2022 11:07

I am single parent to my DD (6) and we’ve come away on holiday abroad and had an amazing time. Last night we sat with some other families and it was lovely to see DD make some friends and play. I was chatting to a guy at the bar who was also on his own with his two little girls. We chatted for quite some time and had probably a few too many cocktails. Then he kissed me, my DD come straight over and said are you going to marry him, I laughed and said no and she said well you shouldn’t be doing that and she said I’m going to tell my dad.

I’ve been separated from DDs dad for 3 years now, but because we spent time together over Christmas and he got too attached again I’ve had to put a lot of distance in place. So he’s been very awkward and he didn’t believe I was going on holiday alone, he said I must be meeting a guy which I defintley wasent.

I feel really disappointed that I’ve upset DD as she kept talking about it and saying she’s really mad and I would never want her to see something like that. And Im already nervous about her telling her dad as he’s quite unpredictable and I can’t be bothered with all the aftermath of what he will say to DD about her mum and then how he will be with me. Also feel like I’ve proved him right.

I’ve just started counselling after 10 years of abusive relationship with him so learning to have those boundaries in place but I just feel so stupid over last night. Any wise words for when DD brings it up.

OP posts:
AHungryCaterpillar · 05/04/2022 11:28

I don’t want to put the boot in but kissing a stranger in front of your child wasn’t a good idea especially if she has been getting mixed messages with you and her dad spending time together (one of the reasons why I don’t think exes should spend time together as it sends mixed messages to the child) all you can do now is make sure it doesn’t happen again and also no more spending time with your ex as you can see it’s confusing her.

GeekyGirl42 · 06/04/2022 02:31

At this age everything is black and white. I'd tell DD (if she brings it up... after a sleep she might not) that adults who don't have wives/husbands/boyfriends /girlfriends do that sometimes, but it takes a long time to get to know someone, so you don't marry somone or become their girlfriend just because they kissed you. I agree that it's not ideal she saw it but it's also not the end of the world by any stretch.

Onto your ex..... Reading between the lines, I think you are worried DD will say something to ex? If she does, play it down. It's absolutely NONE of his business. And no, I disagree with the previous poster that seeing you and your ex get along is confusung. Nothing in your post suggests that.

Definitely work on those boundaries with him though. He really shouldn't have a problem with you kissing somone after you've been separated, especially after so long!!

Mam576 · 06/04/2022 08:31

@GeekyGirl42 thank you for the message and for helping me feel better about it. She did remember she got really upset about it during the day which made me feel terrible :( she is quite a deep thinker and wasent herself at all yesterday. Felt like I had really ruined the holiday after having such a lovely time away.

Her dad asks her a lot of questions about what I’m doing, and because she is so close to him I think she’s scared not to tell him, which is why I think she really holds on to things. At 6 years old I don’t want her to be holding on to things :(

I spoke to her lots yesterday about it, I asked her what was upsetting her and she said she doesn’t want a new daddy she just wants her daddy. So I explained that her mummy and daddy will always be mummy and daddy and how much she is loved by whole family.

OP posts:
AHungryCaterpillar · 06/04/2022 09:41

@GeekyGirl42

At this age everything is black and white. I'd tell DD (if she brings it up... after a sleep she might not) that adults who don't have wives/husbands/boyfriends /girlfriends do that sometimes, but it takes a long time to get to know someone, so you don't marry somone or become their girlfriend just because they kissed you. I agree that it's not ideal she saw it but it's also not the end of the world by any stretch.

Onto your ex..... Reading between the lines, I think you are worried DD will say something to ex? If she does, play it down. It's absolutely NONE of his business. And no, I disagree with the previous poster that seeing you and your ex get along is confusung. Nothing in your post suggests that.

Definitely work on those boundaries with him though. He really shouldn't have a problem with you kissing somone after you've been separated, especially after so long!!

Well it obviously confused her ex as he “got attached again” it’s in the op! And clearly confused the child thinking mum and dad were getting back together, seeing ex fine spending time together as a family, confusing!
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