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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Working single mothers

19 replies

sogolden · 03/04/2022 21:10

Do you work full or part time? Do you manage okay financially? Did you have to go from part time to full time when you separated from your ex?
Feeling a bit lost and just looking for others' experiences.

OP posts:

GeekyGirl42 · 03/04/2022 23:35

I work in an industry that at doesn't understand part time (software) and was a housewife when he left.... So I went straight into full time when DD was 7. It was tough!!! But it gets much much easier as they get older, and I would say DD is (now 13) quite sensible and responsible as a result.

unicornsarereal72 · 04/04/2022 07:27

I was working 24 hours a week and was topped up by UC. We got by. But long term as they leave education my entitlement rightly changes so I'm working nearly full time now. With a view when they are all in secondary I can go full time at some point

I'm fortunate that work has made some organisational changes so I have scope to do this.

My financial position even at full time is going to be even tighter but I will cross those bridges when I get to them.

user1471530109 · 04/04/2022 07:33

Things are definitely much tighter as a single parent. I've always worked full-time so hours didn't increase. I did get a promotion (no extra money as in a different area) which is more stressful though.

Mine are 9 and 12. It does get easier. But the running around for them both is tough! I even do it on days he has them (he is a wanker).

We live payslip to payslip. But don't miss out day to day on much. I can't afford holidays etc though and have no savings and a bit of credit card debt. I'm not sure how anyone copes not working full-time to be honest!

Almostwelsh · 04/04/2022 07:40

I have 3 kids and I work full time. They are now teens but I've been single since they were infant school age.

I do get maintenance from their father but I still wouldn't manage financially without working full time. We live comfortably, but it is hard work. Even tho the maintenance is fairly high, it will never be the same as having 2 wages coming in. I am the breadwinner, the bulk of the money is earned by me, the maintenance is just a little extra. As most mother's of teens do work, we aren't as well off as 2 parent families of a similar background.

Original poster

sogolden · 04/04/2022 07:48

I imagine the more children you have, the tighter things will be? I have 1 DC but obviously financially alone it would be very different to 2 people's wages coming in.

OP posts:

JoyLurking9to5 · 04/04/2022 07:52

Full time. I was 90% but the work load wasnt reduced. In fact it just got busier qnd busier.

Phillipa12 · 04/04/2022 08:19

I have 3 dc, oldest 13, youngest 6. I work school hours as cannot cover the wrap around and holiday childcare bill as well as utility bills. I intend to increase my hours as the dc get older and can look after themselves, luckily ex is a high earner and not a financial arsehole otherwise I would be screwed.

Littlegreenfrogcake · 04/04/2022 08:30

I work 4 days (30 hours) with a 1 year old and a 6 year old. I am a teacher though, so no holiday child care to cover. It's exhausting and I'm just about managing. I'll go back to full time when the 1yo goes to school.

alwayswrighty · 04/04/2022 08:33

I worked full time when single parent to DS, but he is nearly 21 now so was in the days when WTC/CTC helped massively with child care costs. I know I was fortunate but the main struggle was time management not money.

KELLOGSspeck · 04/04/2022 08:41

Single parent here too since DS was 3. I work part time within school hours it's lovely as prior this I did nights which was good in school holidays as I could keep DS at home with me. Juggling school holidays along with the inset days is overwhelming.

DS goes to his dad's EOW and I do overtime for extra money and I get CMS. We are comfortable.

Finchgold · 04/04/2022 08:43

I have one child and am working 24 hours over 4 days, term time only. Ex pays a small amount every month but isn’t involved in any other way. It’s a struggle, I find it impossible to save and we don’t go on holidays. Next year LO starts school so I’ll go up to 5 days.

TheOrigRights · 04/04/2022 11:39

I have been a lone parent for nearly 5 years. I have always worked full time. I have WFH for many years which gives me a certain flexibility and of course I'm not commuting.

I am professional and have a good salary, but it took me until pretty recently to feel comfortable and secure as the bitter divorce wiped me out financially.

I do get some maintenance for my younger son, but don't get any down time at all as he doesn't see his Dad. School holidays are hard.

LargeProsecco · 04/04/2022 14:08

I work 0.9 (9 day fortnight) in the NHS & it's tough - lots of running around between commute, childcare & kids activities.

Care is shared between EOW, & 1 night a week with him, plus 50% of school holidays.

I just muddle through term-time. Luckily I have very good annual/parental leave at work so can cover 50% of holidays.

He pays maintenance- he's a high earner & it's the bane of his life I'm sure, but this is what was agreed. He kept the family home & I needed maintenance for mortgage purposes so I could afford to stay locally.

I was working 18hrs when we split up & it took me almost 2 years to get permanently increased hours (niche role).

Neveragain85 · 04/04/2022 14:18

I've always worked full time anyway so just carried on after I split from exh. My kids don't know any different. I'm quite lucky I have a good job working with a large company who are very flexible. My ex rarely has them in school holidays so I have to wfh & manage as best I can. I'm tired most of the time & have to watch the pennies but I'm so much happier living like this compared to being married to him, just wish I had done it earlier! It feels like I have more money too

Cloudyrainbows321 · 04/04/2022 21:56

Work FT and ex does not see DS aged 1. Finding it a really hard balance. Can’t afford not to, but struggling big time with the impact of doing so

RoyKent · 04/04/2022 22:00

Work FT- decent wage and we live a comfortable lifestyle. Dreading DD starting school as no idea where I will find wraparound care. Having sleepless nights already.

RightOnTheEdge · 04/04/2022 22:51

I work between 23 and 30 hours a week. Two children and UC top up.
I worked a lot more when I was with my ex because he looked after them when I worked. My hours dropped drastically when we split because I had no one else to help me and no family round here.
I've gradually worked my way up to these hours.
He doesn't bother with them now or help with money. We manage ok, money is tight but actually better because he was a gambling addict and problem drinker and things were dire financially when he was here.

Levithecat · 05/04/2022 11:05

Like @LargeProsecco I work .9 fte. Have a 3 and 8 yo and exH has no overnights but does do some nursery runs etc.
it’s hard and I’m mostly exhausted (amusingly trying to start dating - with the half hour I have free a week), but my work is flexible and that helps massively. I often have to work after the kids go to bed, but I can do the school run etc.
it’s not the worst thing in the world, I’m glad for the independence it gives and feeling of self-worth/life outside of parenting

Starseeking · 06/04/2022 22:18

I have always worked full-time, and apart from maternity leaves for 2 DC, never stopped. I'd also built up a good professional career before DC, so was pretty independent without EXDP's (limited) contribution.

Although I am a high earner, the biggest challenge I find with being a sole parent to 2 DC under 6 is logistics being completely down to you. EXDP sees the DC when he feels like it; e.g. he will see them 2 weekends in a row, then not again for 4 weeks. He's really unpredictable, and this means I can't rely on the contact pattern. It's his way of maintaining control over me.

At the moment, one DC is in pre-school and one DC is in reception, at opposite ends of town. It's just about do-able now, as pre-school opens at 7.30am. From September, they'll still be in different schools as DC2 has SEN, so needs a more supportive environment for reception. Breakfast club at DC2's school starts at 8am, and I need to be at my City job an hour away by 9am I also have a new and unsympathetic boss, whose only focus is work, and to hell with staff well-being.

I'm currently searching everywhere for a more local/30 minutes maximum travel job, but the issue I have is that due to my seniority, these are few and far between, if they exist at all.

Unfortunately I need to stay at this level work wise, as otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage on the house I'm buying solo, and we'd have to move out of the area.

Hugs to you OP, the advice I would give is to focus on one thing at a time, and don't try and do everything at once

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