Single mum of 2

[Maturemum22]

Looking to find out how people found having 2 children alone without much help. Im 43 and going to a donor clinic to give my daughter a sibling as otherwise she will havd no one once I'm not around and possibly her dad who she doesn't really know for couple years after they as 3 years younger but lives miles away from us. She is 5 and really wants a sibling too. Get occasional help from my mum and dad but not loads but they are always they for emergency situations x. Just wondered I any other mums on here have done this and how they found it x. Doesbg have to be a donor but someone without much help and a 6 year gap between the children plus being an older parent would be great to hear from xx

I have 4 children and no help from parents and an absent ex ! Sounds like you will be ok if your parents are there to help and you could join groups etc for some support also. Good luck.

I gave my son a sibling when he was almost five. Sadly, they gate each other, which makes my life far, far more difficult and miserable.
There is no need for a sibling, it can easily go wrong and is massive extra work for you.

Hate, not gate.

Thanks so much for responding and you are amazing keep up the good work xxx

So sorry to hear this hun. I hope that perhaps once they are older they will get it and appreciate each other x

I wouldn't do it to give your child someone for when you're not around. No idea what might happen.
Only have another if that's what you want.

On TikTok there is a growing community of donor conceived children discussing the trauma and issues they have directly from being DC

A lot is linked to the same issues that adoptive children have. I would familiarise yourself with that before jumping in and understand what you are required to do to mitigate the damage that will be caused.

For example insuring the child has access to their paternal details and can contact them for anything when ready.

Actually already done all of this its taken me two years to find a suitable donor and they are happy to contribute money forvthe first two years and then meet the child once it is 18. I will have met him know what he is like and have pictires of him. Don't worry I have already researched and read all aboitbthztvside of things and that's ehu I wouldbt do it unless they were able to meet once 18. The way I have done it though I will have met the person and know a bit about them etc aswell so much better than a clinic it's still through AI and still will be shown very recent std results and also they don't plan to donor many children but will keeping track of the ones he has so my child could one day meet its half siblings should it wish. We are also signing a legal contract between us to state he is purely a donor and will not be on the birth certificate. As a favour bless him till I able to work again he has said he will pay monthly towards child for first two years x

I didntvwant to put that that's how I will be doing it to avoid any judgement and its easier to just say clinic than explaining all of the above. It's taken me 2 years of research and searching to find this person after speaking to many men who are donors

Also my daughter doesn't really see her dad she met coupe months back then we tried phone calls as he lives 7 hours drive away but now she just says isn't interested so pr9b want bother about him again till older now I don't think and is obviously happy as she is so as long as I can tell the child and show pictires and it knows of him and that it will one dY meet him I should think be OK x

OK thanks that's a hard one cause its whst I want on her part. She says we aren't a proper family cause sge has no siblings and that makes me sad x

You might like to lurk on both the multiple children and only children boards for some broader perspective. You shouldnt give a child a sibling because it's what they want age 5. They wont have any clue about the realities of having your resources (time/money) stretched to meet another child needs. They wont have any ideas about the advantages of being an only child.

Very true. I will be better off money wise woth 1 as I've just started to be able to work again and we get about by an electric bike which saves bus fares and petrol. Obviously it Limits some places we can get to but I plan to judt hire a car for a few days if I want t9 do stiff further out for the school holidays that are rather impossible by bus as we are in Newbiggin and to get to fruit Farms and Alnwick Castle etc etc its a mission on the bus. I know also I could afford her to have more hobbies in life woth ballet and drama and horse riding and learning an instrument etc. Also more vacations and more new clothes and shoes I stead of second hand. Also I'm 43 and it's nice to begin t9 get some of my own time back a bit. Also I know at 43 there could be risks of something wrong with the child and then it would be very difficult all round. I think perhaps I'll just look towards getting her a dog. I just worry about her being without family but my half brother will be about though she doesn't know him due to family complication that I dontbget on with his mother and him living 3 hiurs away and he's 12 years younger and has told me before he will always be there for her if she needed him and if be making sure she knows that. It's important I find a way for her to start to get to know him a bit really x. My step family shut me out so it's hard they don't want to know me but my dad still visits and comes to see us regularly as we cant go there and he is trying to get my brother to come along with him at some point but if not I'm going to try go meet him somewhere back where he lives in Greater Manchester. Uts such a shame things got this way as its a big family and she step cousivd she's never met there too. Anyway I know whst you mean. I feel it can be a blessing to be free of siblings to do as you please in life. I know of siblings having to deal with siblings who do nothing bug cause their life bother die to being on drugs etc. I am trying to bring her up t9 be an animal person too so that she understands animals can be of great comfort. We have a cat and rabbit she loves to bits and hoping to get her a dog soon just waiting forcthe right dog and her to be of the right age but whenever we watch our friends dog she says yeh I have a friend to play with mummy bless her x. I'll just have to pray she has her own children and meets a man who treats her right which after my bad experience I'll be making sure she knows how she should be treated and put up with nothing less and knows her self worth. And I'll be making sure she understands to stick with the good friends she makes and always have hobbies etc. I was an only child till 5 years old and I hated it when i went to Live with my step sister also 5. From then on I bossed about and felt initiated by her and at the beginning she hit me alot. So yeh I was much happier when I was an only. Then my half brother got brought into the equation and we got told they couldn't afford my music hobby anymore or as many holidays away and I was absolutely gutted I couldn't have keyboard lessons anymore. I already lost my ballet leasos when my parents separated as it was. Sp zuddenly I had no hobbies and a very bossy intimating step sister and step mother and felt abandoned by my mother who moved hours away and said didn't want to take me with her. So after my waffling on lol and thank you so much if have read all of this and been my council ❤. I think it is best especially due to the inflation to focus on giving my daughter a fantastic life and pray she meets great friends a great partner and has children so she's never alone once I'm no longer here. I want her to havd so many experiences in life and see the world as much as is possible which I can do better for her as a single child. So pet dog it is lol. Thanks again and love to you all xx

It's still really bothering me that from her 50's onwards she will have no family unless she has kids and if she meets a man who dosbgvtreat her nice or gets ill etc she has no one to turn to if she doesn't kids x

Eeh I don't know lol. I havd decided after sleeping on it or trying to should I say as I've having been sleeping too fab whilst thinking on what to do I've decided to do it. I feel so much guilt over her having no close family from roughly age 50 that I just can't do it to her. I will feel better lying on my death bed knowing I am not leaving her alone in the world. If she ends up like me experiencing abusive men she will have no one turn to for help and friends armt the same you can't pit on them or rely on them the same. I will be bringing them up that they are family and family first and they must always be there for one another. I'm nit leaving her in this world alone x