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Do you ever worry your sons will become their fatherss

16 replies

Jenn500 · 25/03/2022 19:23

I have felt a incompatibility with my ex he had certain traits I don't understand or like that much. He is quite aggressive and inpatient , not in an extreme way, but enough to make me feel unhappy. For example, irritated if he has to repeat himself or if you don't understand what he's talking about straight away. If you ask him to do something, he won't do it because he doesn't like being told what to do. I think he was a difficult teen , and I can imagine it by the way he is now tbh. He is also a very vad listener, he often blanks what I say and talks about himself far too much, doesn't ask me questions. He's lazy and did very little in the house.

His mum and step dad ate really nice and normal people. He is nothing like them though, his step dad is much more passive and placid. His dad didn't see him that much growing up but he seems a lot more like him than his step dad, who raised him most of his life. So I guess I get the impression genetics play a big part in personality. A few men I know are carbon copies of the father.
I worry my son will of course be a lovely sweet boy, but he will be like his dad when he's older and I may not like him as much.
Do boys become like their dads?

OP posts:
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SexiestDogWalker · 26/03/2022 07:06

No more than women become their mother I suppose.

I have a 13yo who is absolutely nothing like his biological father. Zero. I can't see him turning into him either

TulipsGarden · 26/03/2022 07:08

My partner is the complete opposite of his father, who was not a nice man. So it's not inevitable, and I think upbringing plays a huge part in it.

Krakenchorus · 26/03/2022 07:09

I hope my son will be like his father. But no, I don't think it's inevitable.

Yirk · 26/03/2022 07:11

Luckily my son has worked hard to deliberately not be like his father, he is a brilliant father and caring husband and son...

ShirleyBadass · 26/03/2022 07:25

The negative parts of ex-DH's personality can easily be seen to have been created by the way he was brought up.

Therefore, I really hope that the way I've been bringing my DS up will mean that he doesn't grow up to be like him.

kitcat15 · 26/03/2022 07:26

I really hope both my sons become their father....number 1 son is well on his way to getting there

MsTSwift · 26/03/2022 07:34

Dh is the exact opposite of his father in every way. Not that is father is awful or anything but the difference is remarkable! Fil is non academic, shy, rarely speaks, never reads books or does sport, cannot cook, anxious and extremely negative and pessimistic. Dh is the exact opposite of all those traits. I couldn’t believe it when I met them.

Darker · 26/03/2022 07:42

I see my some aspects of my kids’ dad in their characters, just as I recognise my own. There is an element of nature as well as nurture. When I see something in them that reminds me of him I try not to respond in a negative way.

GeneLovesJezebel · 26/03/2022 07:45

I hope my son doesn’t end up with his DF’s attitude to alcohol.

Mumoblue · 26/03/2022 07:49

I have some concerns, I’m not going to lie.

My ex was accustomed to his mother doing everything for him, and therefore also expected the women in his life to mother him as well.

Obviously at the moment I have to do everything for my son, because he’s 2- but I try to stress the importance of independence and self-reliance in age appropriate ways.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/03/2022 07:57

I don't, but a friend of mine is obsessed with this worry. Every time her DS(7) misbehaves in some totally normal childhood way she worries that he is turning into his father. She has even mentioned these worries in her DS's presence, although I have asked her to stop doing that. Her worry is so great that she keeps seeking reassurance even at her DS's expense.

1MillionSelfiesTakenByMyKids · 26/03/2022 12:20

My son is so much more like me than like his dad

PandemicAtTheDisco · 26/03/2022 12:54

I have worried about how much my daughter is like her father.

My ex's father was very strict with my ex but I now believe that he needed to be. My ex is most like his maternal grandfather despite having little contact between them. Genetics must play a strong part. as my ex wasn't raised by his mother.

I don't really fully understand their family dynamics. My ex is so irresponsible and seems incapable of being an adult. Yet fully expects then resents when his father has to rescue him. I don't know how he will manage when his father can no longer do this. I suspect my daughter will be edged into the role.

My daughter has some strong characteristics that remind me of her father. She luckily has a lot more intelligence and thinks things through more. She is quite impulsive but her father never seems to connect consequences to his actions whereas she does.

I work hard on letting my daughter experience consequences for her actions rather than being too strict and controlling with her. I try to explain things but she doesn't always seem to get the meaning behind what I'm trying to explain. I'm not the fun parent. I resent having to be the responsible parent.

My ex also has concerns that my daughter is too much like me. He can be too strict with her over things that he considers important but that I see as minor issues.

Blueberryflavour · 26/03/2022 13:08

I split up with my eldest son’s dad almost straight away after my son was born and my son never had contact with his dad ( dad’s choice). My son was remarkably like his bio dad in personality ( not a good thing) as he grew up despite his step dad being in his life since he was 3. I had hoped he would take after me or my DH tbh. As an adult he has turned his thinking round as is now totally different to his bio dad. No one ever bad mouthed his dad or said to my son that he was like his dad. I’m a great believer in nature not always being overcome by nurture. Also my niece is adopted and was removed from her bio parents at birth she is nothing like my DSis and DBIL in personality despite them being her parents almost from day 1

Jenn500 · 26/03/2022 20:49

Thanks for the replies. Yeah it's not about my ex interests being the same as his bio dad, it's just like temperant, personality etc. He's not much like his mum, so I don't know if boys are more like dad's than mums

OP posts:
Lightning020 · 27/03/2022 14:45

I don't think mine will no. He only sees his dad three times a year and he lives over a hundred miles away. I do appreciate genetics can play a huge part but I have been the main parent by a mile since ds was five months old and he is now 17. Ds also has a few half siblings who are older than him on his dad's side and if anything he is more influenced by them as they are very positive role models.

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